In terms of incorporating what I want, let’s just say, I’ve been told some things are a no go area. But looks like we can have Israeli dancing which would be fun to get to keep.

I’m glad to hear your story, I definitely think of you as Jewish. Which just goes to show as my mother always says, it’s not the end of the story til the end of the story.

My mother has already organised one wedding so she has a file and I’m sure she’s thought of everything. I’m just anxious that it resemble and embrace what’s important to us.

It’s true – now I can think of whatever I want, but now … too much choice! And currently, no direction.

This sounds like the perfect situation to be in, to be honest. It means that you and C can start with as blank a slate as possible and create a celebration that is truly about the two of you together and your relationship. It won’t be about some preconceived idealised notion of “wedding”, it’ll be about who you are as people and what works for the pair of you.

Also, maybe you can modify your notion of what a “Jewish wedding” is. If your Jewish identity is important to you and is something you bring to your relationship with C, and it obviously is, then you might want to think about incorporating that part of yourself into your wedding celebrations. You’ll be a Jew, having a wedding, which kinda makes it a Jewish wedding, in a way.

I mean, I know that most people wouldn’t see it that way and that according to community standards etc. it won’t be a Jewish wedding. But hopefully, to most of the people that matter, to your community, it will be your wedding, and you are a Jew, so…

Not that I’m trying to downplay how difficult this stuff can be. My dad “married out”. He brought his Jewish identity into his marriage and his family. I’m now a full member of my local shul. *shrug* There was a big fuss at the time and some family members didn’t talk to my dad for years, but over time things moved on and everyone’s mellowed out.

I’m not Jewish but I have Jewish friends who married out and once the dust has settled so has everything else.

In my opinion if anyone doesn’t want you to be happy they’re not worth the trouble. Have what you both want and enjoy your day.

My Mum dreamed of getting married in a church, but my parents couldn’t find any churches in Sydney to marry them. Even the Uniting church was not THAT Uniting, haha. They shrugged and had a civil ceremony. A few months later, a letter arrived from my Canadian grandmother saying, “I’ve found a priest who will marry you to a Muslim! And I’ve already booked the cutest little Canadian church!” – AND a letter arrived from my Lebanese grandmother saying, “I’ve found a sheik who will marry you to a Christian! And I’ve already booked the Koran-reciting guy!”

And that’s the story of how my parents had three weddings.

And how come I ended up being born in Lebanon cos she was too preggers to fly back to Oz

There’s no need for me to wish for whatever you choose to go smoothly – if you’re organising it, it will surely go very smoothly! And the perfect part is not who turns up (my Dad still gets heckled by certain of his family members because I wanted to have a small wedding) but that you get to be together forever