Comments on: Bridal tug of war

By: Ju

Ju — Tue, 27 Mar 2012 13:37:08 +0000

I had a comment and I realised that it didn’t make a significant contribution to your post and the confusion and thoughtfulness you’re experiencing and so I’ll take it to a post of my own instead. But what I will say here is oh… I hear you about making it about the both of you, the child-self who dreamt lots, the feminism and queerness and polyness colliding with the rituals and symbolism and the legal set up and the way I can’t resolve it.. which is likely why I’m still engaged and am not actively planning the wedding at this point. And yet… I love being engaged.

I am absolutely certain that what you and C come up with for your celebration will be perfect for you and be a day to remember, shared with the people you both care about the most. And I will happily drink to that.

*love*

By: Thoraiya

Thoraiya — Tue, 27 Mar 2012 12:43:50 +0000

P.S. MMMM CAKE

*goes to look at wedding photos to remind self how nice I look with a waist*

By: Thoraiya

Thoraiya — Tue, 27 Mar 2012 12:40:54 +0000

Yeah. What Helen said. Good luck!

I figured that any time I wore a fabulous white formal dress in public, people would assume I was a bride. And I didn’t want them to assume that, unless I actually was, and so my one good chance to wear one was when I WAS a bride, and I decided I could wear as many red and green and blue dresses as I wanted later.

If that made sense?

I had a veil, but not one to cover my face. It dangled behind and was strategically placed to cover that bit of my hair that sticks out in all directions, bwahahaha!

As for my father giving me away, I figured it was only fair he held onto me as we walked down the “aisle” (we were outside and the white orchids crunched under my feet!) because he was crying and clearly needed someone to hold him up

By: Ka'ela Ja'el

Ka'ela Ja'el — Tue, 27 Mar 2012 09:38:56 +0000

You know, many brides now will wear a veil, but not actually have their faces covered.
Ultimately though, it’s good that you’re breaking each tradition down and taking what you want and need from it.

By: Melina

Melina — Tue, 27 Mar 2012 07:48:28 +0000

One way to marry (hee) the two sides of you might be to adapt the traditional. I had the white (ivory) ball dress, but it had pretty pink highlights at the top, bottom and back. I also had a veil, but it never came forward over my face, just hung off my hair (I made my veil and mum embroidered it with little flowers). My friend who got married recently managed to make both purple and blue her theme colours at different times – and made it work Another friend couldn’t find a white, ivory or cream dress that suited her but wore a beautiful shimmery pale pink that was just perfect.

I’m sure you’re wedding will be perfect. My only advice – if you make your own invitations, don’t use lots of thin ribbon and thin double sided tape – so, very, very difficult!

By: Helen

Helen — Tue, 27 Mar 2012 04:36:38 +0000

We’ve just had two weddings in our family. Both were casual and informal outdoor weddings but each was distinct. One was fairly traditional including an elaborate cake.
The other involved Kombis as the wedding cars, three year old ring bearer wearing a straw hat, sunflowers for the bouquets and a Mexican themed reception. Turns out adults have a lot of fun with pinatas and like taking photos involving long droopy moustaches – and that was just the women. The bride’s gown was long, simple and flattering and she did wear a veil but only for sentimental reasons. It was forty years old and passed down to her although she modified it, putting her own twist on it.
I guess what I’m saying is it’s your wedding. Incorporate what ritual is important to you and forget the rest. Most of all let it reflect both of you so when you look back on it you think ‘that was a great day’.