Comments on: The cone of silence serves you, not me http://champagneandsocks.com/2013/04/29/the-cone-of-silence-serves-you-not-me/ A Girlie Jones Adventure Fri, 29 Apr 2016 03:51:37 +0000 hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.1.42 By: Ju http://champagneandsocks.com/2013/04/29/the-cone-of-silence-serves-you-not-me/#comment-51969 Tue, 30 Apr 2013 03:51:36 +0000 http://champagneandsocks.com/?p=1654#comment-51969 Beautifully said – imposed silence is awful (and so is the reverse).

As usual your eloquence leaves me a little bit speechless, and a lot grateful.

]]> By: AlisaK http://champagneandsocks.com/2013/04/29/the-cone-of-silence-serves-you-not-me/#comment-51917 Mon, 29 Apr 2013 10:25:00 +0000 http://champagneandsocks.com/?p=1654#comment-51917 Wow, I so could not have done a convention AND done the first trimester. All respect to you!

]]> By: Sally http://champagneandsocks.com/2013/04/29/the-cone-of-silence-serves-you-not-me/#comment-51915 Mon, 29 Apr 2013 10:18:00 +0000 http://champagneandsocks.com/?p=1654#comment-51915 I was so excited I told everyone as soon as the test came back positive. Just as well I did, as it turned out, because I got pregnancy brain too and was also very, very sick.

Working on a convention in early pregnancy when suffering from all-day sickness: not good. I ended up in hospital for a week due to dehydration. I hope you soon feel better, Alisa.

]]> By: AlisaK http://champagneandsocks.com/2013/04/29/the-cone-of-silence-serves-you-not-me/#comment-51894 Mon, 29 Apr 2013 08:06:14 +0000 http://champagneandsocks.com/?p=1654#comment-51894 So did I! I’m terrible at keeping my own news quiet!

I hope you don’t get retroactively angry at the patriarchy reading my blog through this!

xx

]]> By: Jo http://champagneandsocks.com/2013/04/29/the-cone-of-silence-serves-you-not-me/#comment-51878 Mon, 29 Apr 2013 04:49:50 +0000 http://champagneandsocks.com/?p=1654#comment-51878 I told a lot of people ‘confidentially’ from very early on because I couldn’t keep it to myself. In fact, I may have told pretty much everyone I knew within a week of finding out :-). I did get that response, especially from the older generation, of disapproval for letting the cat out of the bag so early, but if something had gone wrong there’s no way I could have grieved alone.

I never considered it from a feminist perspective, the silencing of women, but that is what I have you for – to open my eyes to a lot of things I never considered before! And for that, I thank you. :-)

]]> By: AlisaK http://champagneandsocks.com/2013/04/29/the-cone-of-silence-serves-you-not-me/#comment-51873 Mon, 29 Apr 2013 03:48:22 +0000 http://champagneandsocks.com/?p=1654#comment-51873 xx

]]> By: AlisaK http://champagneandsocks.com/2013/04/29/the-cone-of-silence-serves-you-not-me/#comment-51872 Mon, 29 Apr 2013 03:48:09 +0000 http://champagneandsocks.com/?p=1654#comment-51872 That’s how I felt really – that I would want some people there if it didn’t go well and that you don’t spring bad news on people :)

]]> By: AlisaK http://champagneandsocks.com/2013/04/29/the-cone-of-silence-serves-you-not-me/#comment-51871 Mon, 29 Apr 2013 03:47:32 +0000 http://champagneandsocks.com/?p=1654#comment-51871 I told the people who I felt I would want there through the bad as well as the good.

I don’t even think it’s about being super caring about other people’s feelings but about society being really clear about not wanting to know the bad or difficult stuff.

Pregnancy happens. And so does miscarriage. But apparently we have to be silent or ashamed or something about that fact of life. That’s secret women’s business …

]]> By: Emma http://champagneandsocks.com/2013/04/29/the-cone-of-silence-serves-you-not-me/#comment-51863 Mon, 29 Apr 2013 02:02:41 +0000 http://champagneandsocks.com/?p=1654#comment-51863 Ditto Ditto Ditto.
I totally agree with all that you have said.
Thanks for sharing and being so honest :-)

]]> By: Melina D http://champagneandsocks.com/2013/04/29/the-cone-of-silence-serves-you-not-me/#comment-51861 Mon, 29 Apr 2013 01:52:42 +0000 http://champagneandsocks.com/?p=1654#comment-51861 Oh, this was an interesting one for us. Everyone I worked with knew we were going through IVF, so there was absolutely no keeping secrets. I got the phone call at school (beginning of lunch time) and managed to ring M and my parents before the whole staff room knew, but they did all know at 5 weeks. My students learned soon after because the bloating caused rumours :)

I figured that these people, especially my work mates, had been through some of the toughest times with the IVF. They’d seen me at the worst when the Synarel was putting me into a fake menopause, and they’d given me hugs and support throughout the process. I knew they’d be there in the same way if anything happened.

]]> By: Callisto Shampoo http://champagneandsocks.com/2013/04/29/the-cone-of-silence-serves-you-not-me/#comment-51857 Mon, 29 Apr 2013 01:42:36 +0000 http://champagneandsocks.com/?p=1654#comment-51857 Yes, I struggled with this issue too, and in the end, I just told every one regardless of where I was. When I lost my babies, I simply told every one, and owned my grief and misery as well. And I have had a number of people come to me and be appreciative of my openness about these things.

The cone of silence really does seem to protect every one else. It’s like we are suddenly expected to become super-caring about every one else’s comfort levels. Well fuck that. *This* is what is happening to me. That experience is real and valid.

If people don’t want to know before ‘it sticks” (and yeah, I heard that phrase too,) then maybe they should grow up and become adults, or go live in a world where people don’t procreate. Babies happen. Pregnancy happens. Why pretend for any length of time that it doesn’t?

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