1. Carrie
2. Salem’s Lot
3. The Shining
4. Different Seasons – but only The Body and Shawshank therein. Do NOT read Apt Pupil, Alisa!
5. Thinner (published under Richard Bachman)
6. IT
7. Eyes of the Dragon
8. Misery
9. Bag of Bones
10. Duma Key
11. The Dark Tower

So moving house is stressful. It’s a hoarder’s nightmare really. And now the truth about why I was mainlining so many episodes of those shows is out! I promised myself after the last time I moved house, which was so deeply traumatic and stressful that I haven’t been able to even contemplate it til now, that I would slowly go through all my possessions and declutter. So that next time I moved, it would be less stressful. And for periods of time, I did do that. But I had the luxury of space and as long as I couldn’t see things cause they were packed away, I was happy.

But now… now I am moving again and I have to look at things. And I am upset as to why I have so much stuff; why I need to hold onto so much stuff; and why I can’t seem to just part with it now. The other thing is, when you’re living in a place, you have the luxury of not having to deal with something if you don’t want to. You can just put it away for later. And later, you know, you’ll look at it and deal with it. When you move, that “later” becomes “right now”, whether you like it or not.

I imagine this experience is on some spectrum of what it would be like to go into a diagnosed hoarder’s house – the degree of hoarding such that they sleep on the floor by the front door because they physically cannot get further inside their house due to “stuff” – and telling them they have to move. Now! How I feel seems somewhat akin to  the anxiety they experienced at having to face up to what is in their home and make decisions about what they can trash, donate or giveaway. But I’m a typical Pisces – always swimming in opposite directions at the same time. I want to both keep things and be ruthless and throw it all away and have clear spaces, no clutter. And so, my “later” is “now”. And if I had less stuff, this moving would be less prolonged.

Two examples of stressful situations for me this weekend.

1. An example of the “later is now”.

We’re packing up some stuff on Saturday and as we’re both taking things to my car, C asks “so who gave you this baking icing set?” And it  was like I’d be hit in the face with a baseball bat. “What?” I ask and he says, “they paid $120 for it?” Second hit to the face with the baseball bat.

And so my past caught up with me briefly. Two birthdays ago, an exboyfriend had gifted this to me. He was ex at the time, and I really don’t know why he came to my party. And he bought me this gift. The idea of a gift itself was loaded because for the entire time I’d been seeing this guy, he’d presented himself (because he genuinely saw himself this way) as something other than he really was. And as one example, he saw himself as this great gift giver but what he actually was was someone who talked about giving great gifts, or thinking of great gifts he was about to buy me, but never ever bought me anything. For Christmas, just before my birthday, he’d given me a family block of chocolate – fruit and nut, I believe, to which I am allergic. And before that, he’d felt so bad about the giant mobile phone bills I racked up whilst I was travelling and calling him (I can’t remember whether we were calling each other as much but it was local rates for him and roaming for me?)  that he was *going to buy me this great backpack” he’d seen in a hiking store. Not really the kind of gift I’d imagine people would think to give me (I have a backpack for hiking btw for when I backpacked in Europe, 10 years ago when the idea sounded more fun than now). But the thing is, he never ever bought it for me. Just. Didn’t.

And the relationship was a bad one – meh. It was my rebound from the big Ex. And whatever. And another example of me learning stuff. Booooring. The point is, after the whole thing, by the time it was my birthday, he was trying to be “friends” because he thought we would be better that way. (Turned out, I didn’t need the kind of friendship he was offering. You live and learn.) And the gift he chose to buy me was this. At the time,  I was just so stunned – it so did not seem like the kind of gift you buy for me, nor the kind of gift I’d want. He’d seen me do a bunch of baking for I think it was Wastelands II for a book launch but that was because self catering is cheaper. I do like to bake, that’s true. But … I dunno, it’s just not something I see myself doing. I need a lot of free time to be in the mood for cooking at all.

So what had I done with this gift? I hate returning gifts. So I’d left the envelope with the receipt inside and the note on the front, with the gift and put the whole thing on the top shelf of my pantry “for later”. And later, it seemed, was Saturday, when C cleaned out my pantry and found it. And what did he do? He opened the envelope and the box.  And then, at my response to this item being put in front of my face asked, “Can I have it then? I’ll totally use it!”

To which, to be fair, is the funniest thing ever. Really, it’s really really funny. It’s the perfect gift to have gotten my next (and last) boyfriend. And actually, in that case, was the right gift to get me. Since I already had the gift that is C.

So I had that kind of mixed set of emotions to process.  One example of why going through your stuff is stressful.

2. Unfinished projects; unmet goals, short attention span; things that turned out to be less perfect than envisioned.

There’s no real way to say this without sounding obnoxious but … I pretty much always feel like I am underachieving. And to have to sort through my study and craft, well it makes me feel like shit. Talking this through with C and friends this morning, I know I can list the number of things that I *have* achieved this year. But, going through my to read piles – there are several, with different levels of meaning, and then need to be moved together so as not to get lost, kinda stressed me out. Looking at the number of books I wished I had already read, and because there are so many books I also still want to read. And looking at the different kinds of books – NF, novels, collections, anthologies, graphic novels. It seriously stressed me out.

And further to that, I started to try to honestly sort through my craft projects and cull things that I genuinely will not do or complete. In an effort to put the spending guilt thing aside, kits and so on that I bought when I was on that particularly kick, and which I am no longer, I am putting up on ebay to sell. I was able to cull a few out that way, with minimum stress. It’s a beginning. There was more stress looking at the number of works in progress (WIPs they call them). And yes I know, you can’t die as long as you have some WIPs around and all that, but I seriously finish very few of the things I start. And I know it’s meant to be fun and all that and there’s not supposed to be strict rules or guidelines to down time and recreation time and I must be a process and not a product crafter. But still. It stressed me out. So many cross stitches, for example, which I could not part with, mean to finish, even though I haven’t worked on one in several years. So much cheap acrylic yarn in my stash that I may never use.

And so much time already accounted for – I think that’s partly it. Looking at how many years worth of recreational time I have already reserved with books to read, knitting, sewing and stitching. It more than stressed me out. It seems silly to write it down. But there you are.

And this? This is the small stuff. I got some bigger than small stuff too going on. July will be better, I know it.

[1] Self conscious may or may not be the right word for it but I’ll go with that for now.

My haul (for a mere $37 – ridiculous!)

– Enchanted Glass by Diana Wynne Jones

– Villette by Charlotte Bronte

– Passage by Connie Willis

– Wizard Squared by K E Mills

– The Margarets by Sheri S Tepper

Now, I’d been starting to think, since I HAVE been reading, that I could justify some book accumulation. Probably not 5 new books though. So am blogging here to remind myself to either finish 5 books and/or remove 5 books from my current collection/to read shelves.

I’m going to post it here not because I can bold a lot as read, but because I can italicise a lot being in my to read shelves and because by the end of this year, I want to reflect and see how I’ve done!

He says:

I love the short story format and the problem with a lot of the book memes circulating is that they exclusively focus on novels. I’ve done some crowd sourcing (and some personal recommendations of course–this list isn’t meant to be objective) and I’ve come up with a list of 166 short story collections.

The usual rules apply: bold those that you’ve read and italicize those that you own but haven’t read.

1. The Monkey’s Wedding and Other Stories by Joan Aiken
2. Rashomon and Seventeen Other Stories by Ryunosuke Akutagawa
3. The Kite of Stars and Other Stories by Dean Francis Alfar
4. I, Robot by Isaac Asimov
5. Black Projects, White Knights by Kage Baker
6. The Best of J. G. Ballard by J.G. Ballard
7. Perpetuity Blues and Other Stories by Neal Barrett, Jr.
8. The Imago Sequence and Other Stories by Laird Barron
9. Occultation by Laird Barron
10. Mirror Kingdoms: The Best of Peter S. Beagle
11. The Collected Stories of Greg Bear by Greg Bear
12. The Chains That You Refuse by Elizabeth Bear
13. The Girl With The Flammable Skirt by Aimee Bender
14. Lord Stink & Other Stories by Judith Berman
15. Trysts: A Triskaidecollection of Queer and Weird Stories by Steve Berman
16. A Book of Endings by Deborah Biancotti
17. Blooded on Arachne by Michael Bishop
18. One Winter in Eden by Michael Bishop
19. The Poison Eaters & Other Stories by Holly Black
20. Labyrinths: Selected Stories and Other Writings by Jorge Luis Borges
21. From the Files of the Time Rangers by Richard Bowes
22. Streetcar Dreams by Richard Bowes
23. The Stories of Ray Bradbury by Ray Bradbury
24. Graveyard People: The Collected Cedar Hill Stories by Gary Braunbeck
25. Home before Dark: The Collected Cedar Hill Stories by Gary Braunbeck
26. Particle Theory by Edward Bryant
27. Tides from the New Worlds by Tobias S. Buckell
28. Bloodchild and Other Stories By Octavia E. Butler
29. Dirty Work: Stories by Pat Cadigan
30. The Night We Buried Road Dog by Jack Cady
31. The Panic Hand by Jonathan Carroll
32. Burning Your Boats: The Collected Short Stories by Angela Carter
33. Fireworks: Nine Stories in Various Disguises by Angela Carter
34. The Bloody Chamber: And Other Stories by Angela Carter
35. The Stories of Your Life and Others by Ted Chiang
36. The Collected Stories of Arthur C. Clarke by Arthur C. Clarke
37. The Ladies of Grace Adieu and Other Stories by Susanna Clarke
38. Novelties & Souvenirs, Collected Short Fiction by John Crowley
39. The Avram Davidson Treasury by Avram Davidson
40. The Enquiries of Dr. Eszterhazy by Avram Davidson
41. Driftglass: Ten Tales of Speculative Fiction by Samuel R. Delany
42. We Can Remember It for You Wholesale by Philip K. Dick
43. Strange Days: Fabulous Journeys with Gardner Dozois by Gardner Dozois
44. Beluthahatchie by Andy Duncan
45. What Will Come After by Scott Edelman
46. Axiomatic by Greg Egan
47. I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream by Harlan Ellison
48. The Beast that Shouted Love at the Heart of the World by Harlan Ellison
49. Deathbird Stories by Harlan Ellison
50. The Collected Stories of Carol Emshwiller by Carol Emshwiller
51. Dangerous Space by Kelley Eskridge
52. Fugue State by Brian Evenson
53. Harsh Oases by Paul Di Filippo
54. The Fantasy Writer’s Assistant and Other Stories by Jeffrey Ford
55. The Empire of Ice Cream by Jeffrey Ford
56. The Drowned Life by Jeffrey Ford
57. Returning My Sister’s Face and Other Far Eastern Tales of Whimsy and Malice by Eugie Foster
58. Artificial Things by Karen Joy Fowler
59. What I Didn’t See and Other Stories by Karen Joy Fowler
60. Smoke and Mirrors by Neil Gaiman
61. Fragile Things by Neil Gaiman
62. Burning Chrome by William Gibson
63. In the Forest of Forgetting by Theodora Goss
64. Take No Prisoners by John Grant
65. A Separate War and Other Stories by Joe Haldeman
66. Last Summer at Mars Hill by Elizabeth Hand
67. Saffron & Brimstone: Strange Stories by Elizabeth Hand
68. Things That Never Happen by M. John Harrison
69. The Past Through Tomorrow by Robert Heinlein
70. 20th Century Ghosts by Joe Hill
71. Skin Folk by Nalo Hopkinson
72. The Coming of Conan the Cimmerian by Robert E. Howard
73. The Lottery and Other Stories by Shirley Jackson
74. Unexpected Magics: Collected Stories by Diana Wynne Jones
75. Minor Arcana by Diana Wynne Jones
76. Grazing the Long Acre by Gwyneth Jones
77. The Wreck of the Godspeed and Other Stories by James Patrick Kelly
78. The Baum Plan for Financial Independence and Other Stories by John Kessel
79. Night Shift by Stephen King
80. Different Seasons by Stephen King
81. Hearts in Atlantis by Stephen King
82. Portable Childhoods by Ellen Klages
83. Scenting the Dark and Other Stories by Mary Robinette Kowal
84. Nano Comes to Clifford Falls and Other Stories by Nancy Kress
85. Nine Hundred Grandmothers by R.A. Lafferty
86. Objects of Worship by Claude Lalumiere
87. Black Juice by Margo Lanagan
88. Red Spikes by Margo Lanagan
89. Yellowcake by Margo Lanagan
90. Mr. Gaunt and Other Uneasy Encounters by John Langan
91. The Best of Joe R. Lansdale by Joe R. Lansdale
92. The Wind’s Twelve Quarters by Ursula K. Le Guin
93. The Compass Rose by Ursula K. Le Guin
94. The Birthday of the World and Other Stories by Ursula K. Le Guin
95. Red as Blood, or Tales from the Sisters Grimmer by Tanith Lee
96. The First Book of Lankhmar by Fritz Leiber
97. The Second Book of Lankhmar by Fritz Leiber
98. The Nightmare Factory by Thomas Ligotti
99. Stranger Things Happen by Kelly Link
100. Magic for Beginners by Kelly Link
101. Engines of Desire: Tales of Love & Other Horrors by Livia Llewellyn
102. H. P. Lovecraft: Tales by H.P. Lovecraft
103. Breathmoss and other Exhalations by Ian R. MacLeod
104. You Might Sleep by Nick Mamatas
105. Dreamsongs: A RRetrospective by George R. R. Martin
106. The Invisible Country by Paul McAuley
107. Harrowing the Dragon by Patricia McKillip
108. The Bone Key by Sarah Monette
109. The Best of Michael Moorcock by Michael Moorcock
110. Black God’s Kiss by C.L. Moore
111. The Cat’s Pajamas and Other Stories by James Morrow
112. Dreams of the Compass Rose by Vera Nazarian
113. Unforgivable Stories by Kim Newman
114. The Secret Files of the Diogenes Club by Kim Newman
115. The Original Dr. Shade and Other Stories by Kim Newman
116. Monstrous Affections by David Nickle
117. The Best of Larry Niven by Larry Niven
118. I Am No One You Know: Stories by Joyce Carol Oates
119. The Complete Stories by Flannery O’Connor
120. Zoo by Otsuichi
121. Lesser Demons by Norman Partridge
122. Mr. Fox and Other Feral Tales by Norman Partridge
123. Night Moves and Other Stories by Tim Powers
124. Little Gods by Tim Pratt
125. Map of Dreams by M. Rickert
126. Holiday by M. Rickert
127. The Best of Kim Stanley Robinson by Kim Stanley Robinson
128. The Ant King and Other Stories by Benjamin Rosenbaum
129. Unacceptable Behaviour by Penelope Rowe
130. The Adventures of Alyx by Joanna Russ
131. Long Walks, Last Flights, and Other Journeys by Ken Scholes
132. Filter House by Nisi Shawl
133. Love Songs for the Shy and Cynical by Rob Shearman
134. The Jaguar Hunter by Lucius Shepard
135. Trujillo and Other Stories by Lucius Shepard
136. Phases of the Moon: Stories from Six Decades by Robert Silverberg
137. Are You There and Other Stories by Jack Skillingstead
138. The Girl With No Hands and Other Tales by Angela Slatter
139. Crystal Express by Bruce Sterling
140. Ascendancies: The Best of Bruce Sterling
141. Houses Without Doors by Peter Straub
142. Magic Terror: 7 Tales by Peter Straub
143. Absolute Uncertainty by Lucy Sussex
144. The Best of Michael Swanwick by Michael Swanwick
145. Gravity’s Angels: 13 Stories by Michael Swanwick
146. Monterra’s Deliciosa & Other Tales & by Anna Tambour
147. The Ice Downstream by Melanie Tem
148. The Far Side of the Lake by Steve Rasnic Tem
149. Her Smoke Rose Up Forever by James Tiptree, Jr.
150. Ten Thousand Light-Years from Home by James Tiptree, Jr.
151. In the Mean Time by Paul Tremblay
152. My Pathology by Lisa Tuttle
153. Ventriloquism by Catherynne M. Valente
154. The Jack Vance Reader by Jack Vance
155. City of Saints and Madmen by Jeff VanderMeer
156. The Third Bear by Jeff VanderMeer
157. Strange Things in Close-up; the Nearly Complete Howard Waldrop
158. Dead Sea Fruit by Kaaron Warren
159. Everland and Other Stories by Paul Witcover
160. The Island of Doctor Death and Other Stories and Other Stories by Gene Wolfe
161. The Very Best of Gene Wolfe by Gene Wolfe
162. Impossible Things by Connie Willis
163. Fire Watch by Connie Willis
164. The Doors of His Face, The Lamps of His Mouth and Other Stories by Roger Zelazny
165. Impossible Stories by Zoran Zivkovic
166. The Writer, The Book, The Reader by Zoran Zivkovic

As you can see, I am a *collector* of great short story collections! I have started some of the above but apparently only completed the one I published! Goal for the year (possibly my year post Swancon ie Swancon to Swancon) is to read the italicised ones and chase down some of the others on here I really wand to read.

Course I always mean to do this with those novel memes too. I’m hoping this will be more motivating because short stories are my business and also because the commitment is less.