Champagne and Socks

The funny thing is, there were three men on my committee by the time Swancon came around – three very prominent, well known and respected long term members of the community, who were available and working hard all weekend to help the con run. If the Dude From Swancon really had an issue that he thought would garner too emotional a response if presented to a woman, then there were men he could have approached to vent his concern. Likewise, the WASFF Chair was at the registration desk helping out for a lot of the weekend and he is nothing if not approachable. The truth is, that this person is just nasty and enjoys tearing people down. I guess it makes him feel better about himself. Personally I’d rather climb higher than tear everything/one down and stomp on it/them to be the tallest person. But that’s just me.

I saw a lot of the uglier parts of the community in the last 2.5 years. Yesterday it had me admitting that it’s made me really think about whether I will continue to be a member – that this is not the sort of environment I would like to spend my free, leisure time. Doug reminded me that these are the loud voices of the few and in no way represent the many, and he is right. And the more I think about it, the less I think it is fair for those people to speak for everyone else in deciding who is welcome and who is not. They are, after all, just louder. Not better or right.

Because this has been a very personally gruelling journey for me, I have struggled to find good bits, things that made it worthwhile, because otherwise … I very much enjoyed working with the WASFF Board and the CSC. The Board had its challenging moments because of some specific issues that came before it. But I feel very honoured to have met, worked with and been mentored by both the Board and the Subcommittee. I learned a lot, about many things that I wouldn’t normally have the opportunity to do elsewhere in my life. And I think I walk away with some very good friends and confidantes.

I also am humbled by the many other members of the community who I met and worked with during the con itself. I was blown away, and still am, by those who didn’t know me, had had nothing to do with my convention, but showed up and asked to be put to work, and kept coming back in their less busy moments of the con, to check up on me and to help out with anything if they could. These are of course past and future Mumfans and having met them and seen what that means, I dunno that I really agree with the sentiment that maybe we should not have one in some years to indicate that it’s a special award and should not be expected every year. I think there are still a few people out there who deserve one. And I know that they don’t do it for that reason. I’m honoured that I got to peek behind the curtain. I genuinely feel changed, having been introduced to this part of our community – our heart and soul. When I mentioned this to one of them, she said to me, “this is what it means to be part of the Swancon community. And those that don’t have forgotten what it means to be part of Swancon.” I got the chance to glimpse the making of a con, which is so much more than just the committee, it’s the larger group of people who show up in the weeks leading up and just kind of unpack their bags and set up their wares and help make this thing happen.

And I learned what it’s like to be on the receiving end, I guess. I touched a bit on this in the last post. But this is the positive counterpost I learned that there is never a good reason to start out at anger of 11 out of 10. People feel much less inclined to help you when you start out as an asshole. And you know, chances are there is a reason you haven’t considered, find out what it is first. Makes you look less like a dick. Everyone is valuable and everyone deserves to be respected and spoken to kindly and with care. It takes so little to give someone else the benefit of the doubt (in terms of their lack of sorting your issue out in the first 30 secs or before you even asked) and reaps you so much more than you can imagine. I learned there are lots of ways to get things done and you know, don’t piss off the person who you need to get it done.

I don’t regret much – other than, maybe actually signing up. I do though, after observing all, want to move through this world more gently and kindly. It actually makes for a gentler and kinder (your) world. And I’m finding there is an enormous reward in taking the time to actually engage with the world and the people in it – you get to find out who they truly are. And I dunno, a bit twee but, they’re really beautiful. And maybe that’s why I’m so angry at the noisy, rude, ungrateful few? Spoiling it for everyone else. (And when you’re trying to sell a product to people who have never come along before, the spoiling it is farther reaching than perhaps they realise. And not really fixable with a shiny poster.)

That’s my balance, anyway.