Champagne and Socks

It occurs to me that I deal fine with having a chronic illness (I have two) when it feels like I’m in control. When I’m the one calling the shots, I’m good. When all hell breaks loose, that’s a different story. Probably means I’m not that cool about it after all.

The tests aren’t all back yet. We’re still dealing with could bes and not yet ruled out and whatever. It hurts. A lot. It might be Crohn’s related and I’m pretty down about it. I’ve been fighting my doctors for a while about taking a particular drug. I don’t want to take it still. But I wasn’t taking the initial drugs I was prescribed on Wednesday because they might complicate my Crohn’s (if it’s Ross River  I have; previous experience means I’m not willing to just try drugs and see if they work). So I didn’t feel better this morning when I went for my followup appointment this morning. But I also wasn’t handling the pain that well either. Still, I’m repentant now, and taking all the originally prescribed stuff in the hopes that will help. It takes the edge off the pain.

It hurts a lot.

And so yeah. Several people have already pointed it out. I work too hard. I’m under a lot of stress (again. still). And I probably am in burn out.

I’ve known this seriously for a month and I’m taking action to deal with it where I can but that all takes time and it’s not going to sort all the issues out. But yeah, I’m thinking a lot about it these last two days. Two sick days. I’ve been lying on my couch trying to take them as proper and complete sick days. I’ve been immersed in Studio 60 which I’ve been wanting to watch for a really long time. And I’ve been trying to relax. But you know I’ve been doing stuff too. Minor stuff but stuff. Yeah.

And today I realised I go to World Fantasy Con in 23 days. I need to not hurt by then.