Champagne and Socks

So sad. I’ve said my goodbyes, had one last breakfast with Jonathan, Charles and Ellen Klages and I’ve checked out of the hotel. I kinda like that you give your Visa on the way in and then they just charge your bill to it and if you never look, then you will never know the price. (I did just sneak a peak, and I don’t think I did too badly. Though maybe some discretion might be called for for the next couple of weeks! Instant noodles and all that.)

I feel guilty for falling off the blogging bandwagon because/and I’ve been really unwell the last half of the con. I still have a lot (and nothing) to blog about and I kinda wanna do it chronologically but my fears on the Crohn’s flare up came to fruition and there have been some periods of general badness. Basically it was my own fault. I was exceedingly careful on many things, like not touching a drop of alcohol, and then I had a pizza for dinner on Saturday night. A pizza with jalopenos. And I NEVER learn the jalopeno lesson! As in, this is not the first time! And it wasn’t until I was halfway through the midst of thinking I was going to die, that Jonathan would have to accept my award should I win and regretting my totally not getting covered on my insurance for Crohn’s, that I connected the dots. I always start to panic when I have an acute attack and it takes me a while (coupla hours) to remember yo, I have a chronic illness and these are the symptoms. I had wanted to go to the bar when the others got back from dinner but instead I was curled up in a half seated ball of pain in bed. At least I had brought a lot of meds and eventually they kicked in. And eventually the jalopenos burned their route through my body.

The experience had two outcomes.

1) I had to be even more careful about what I ate. I gave up coffee for about a day (had some this morning. Shouldn’t have. Lalala). I gave up desserts. Which was horrible and I’ll explain why later. And could barely really eat anything. Crohn’s has this thing where you feel unbelievably nauseated and in pain and then switch to ravenous hunger. Then you eat to deal with the hunger only to feel nauseated and in pain. Fun, eh?

I’m hoping to make it through the plane flights home. I was in a lot of pain by the end of the journey here so am not sure how I will deal. You can’t not eat for 36 hours but that food is also the worst thing to eat. Sigh.

2) This was an excellent reminder of how bad I was sick when I first had this illness. This reminded me why I had been so strict for that whole year back then. I gave up dairy, gluten, caffeine, alcohol and meat. And lived that way for a full year. I’ve often wondered how I managed to do that when I haven’t successfully been able to give up gluten any time I’ve tried since. This reminded me that if I felt like I did Saturday night all the time,  I’d find the strength. And in fact, any of those things make me feel worse almost immediately so there is no “oh well, I’ll pay for that later” cause it’s too debilitating.

So I dunno. Tread softly. Be gentle to myself. These seem to be things I am saying to myself this weekend.