November 26   Neglectful Blogger

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Wow, has it really been almost a week between blog posts? I’ve been wanting to blog all week but the funniest thing has been going on – I’ve been falling asleep before getting round to it. By 10/10.30 pm. Like I said, the funniest thing.

So maybe just the highlights:

  • I have now been caffeine free (apart from chocolate) for about a month. And oddly, loving it. It’s far enough away now to remember that I love coffee but to not quite remember just what that means. I feel great. I sleep a good 8 hours, except when I’m eating into that by reading a chapter or two before sleeping, and I feel refreshed in the morning. That thing people talk about? Rest. Refreshed. Raring to go? That’s me now! I actually get up at 6am and whilst not bouncing out of bed like C, I don’t really have to drag myself. And I’m three weeks now having started work at 7.30am. It’s pretty good.
  • I seem to have less time. And that might be an illusion but it feels like I need to triage my day when I get home. I have enough time to do housework or TPP before dinner but I still have energy to be able to throw at it at that hour. And then after dinner I have maybe an hour to watch TV and sew and/or an hour or so to read, catch up on the internet and so on. And then it’s bed. I’m sleeping more, so I have less time. But I feel better and I’m hoping that means I will work more efficiently (and get sick/burnout less).
  • I’m actually reading. For fun. One day a week at work I manage to read during lunch. And I’m reading for about an hour before bed – a lot of that is internet catching up but I am reading. I finished one book and I’m about a third of the way through another. And it feels good. I’m actually reading! And getting through a to read pile (my bedside table one) and putting books away and relaxing before sleeping.
  • I’m watching less TV. And I’m not missing it. I almost watch no free to air now. And then I watch a season or something of whatever I’m watching on the weekend.
  • I think I might be finding some kind of zen balance here.
  • Yet I’m still waiting for a phonecall. Maybe it will come next week. Waiting is such torture.
  • This year has been one helluva crazy ride. One of the things I’ve been deconstructing is the idea of what I actually like/want versus what I think I should like/want/be. It’s very irritating to realise how much I hold onto as ideas of who I think I should be but actually am totally not. I think what kickstarted the thought process was one night when I was screwing my face up whilst eating some dip that I thought was disgusting. C said to me “You don’t like it.” And I replied, “But I really want to like it” and continued to try it and he sorta yelled “But you don’t LIKE IT!” (in the way that he doesn’t actually yell.) Anyway so after that I’ve started looking at things and asking myself if I like it/want it/enjoy it or is it just something that I think is part of some me that I would like to be. Rather than am. I guess in a way it’s a process of accepting myself as I am and giving away an idea that I can change/mould myself to be something else. Cause… what’s wrong with the me I am, anyway?  Like, in all the bridal magazines, the Maldives seem like where you should go for your honeymoon. I’m like looking at the picture, all that blue blue ocean, all those restful huts overlooking stunning vistas. And I’m like, that looks so dreamy and relaxing. And then I read the article to see what the people in the pictures had done on their honeymoon and I’m like, “I would *hate* that”. We’re gonna do something else. I still kinda want to be the person who would enjoy that and one day I want to see that. But you know, that’s not really me. And that’s ok. Cause then when C suggested where he thought we should go it was like a hell yes destination.


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  • By Sean the Bookonaut on 27 November 2011 at 1:45 pm

    I hardly watch TV now. Just series that this podcast I listen to recommends.

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