Well it’s the beginning of week 4 of the tour. Wedding plans are full steam ahead, and shaping up in all directions. Suddenly the wedding seems very close and I don’t feel anywhere near ready. There is still so much to do and so much I want to get done before then. I’m missing C a lot. It feels very strange to have my own routine in this house without him. And I’m very aware of how much he was doing, now that I have to do it all myself. It’s suddenly a much harder juggling act. And at the same time, I’m also well aware that this could well be the easiest tour for me. And that gets a bit sobering.
I’m not wallowing though nor really allowing myself to get too lonely. I have some great people at work to hang out with and my weekends have been filled with family, friends and errands. I remember when my ex split up with me the first time and I thought I would “die”. I remember how horrible that was and I promised myself I would never be like that again – never allow myself to depend on someone else so much. And so I didn’t feel that way when he split up with me the second time and I don’t feel like that now. I have my own very full life and I remain independent. I’m marrying a sailor and they go away for long stints. I’m gonna be ok. And the upside about these days is that I still email with him everyday so he doesn’t feel that far away. And this is our second round of this – after the first time, C came home and asked me to be his girlfriend. This time when he comes home, I’m going to become his wife.
I don’t have too much to report. Everything is kinda about maintenance and moving projects forward. I spent the weekend rolling out the Getting Things Done thing – I found half my desk, which has been fully covered in tall piles of papers since I moved in here. I’m about a third of the way through this process, I guess. I didn’t believe Allen when he said I’d toss a lot and file a lot. I genuinely believed I was up to date on that part of record keeping. Alas no, I was not. Still it does feel good to see the results – more clear spaces and much less paperwork about the place. I also now fully see why my list systems weren’t working. I knew there was something broken about them but now it is all very very clear. I’m looking forward to more progress in the week ahead.
That said, I did nothing this evening but mooch around after dinner. C prescribed more of the same so I caught up on Doctor Who and attempted to knit the next stage of my cardigan three times. It’s like my knitting skills have devolved. Maybe I’ve taken too long a break from knitting?
Yesterday Helen came round and we had a meeting of sorts. She’s been a managing editor at TPP for over a year now (has it been that long already?) and we had to get on top of the bits and pieces relating to the final 5 Twelve Planets. I’m planning to take off two months around my wedding and that means moving all the work from those months forward. We’ll see. But we also have started work on what is planned beyond the 12 Planets. Such a funny thing because this project has been such a large one and it’s hard to believe we will soon be on the other side of it. I shall miss very much working on it – it’s been such an amazing group of people to work with – writers, introducers, editors, proofers, design and layout, ebooks and then beyond to the subscribers and booksellers and readers. Of course, the only way to deal with the sadness of the coming to an end of something is to plan something bigger and more ambitious. And that’s what we did yesterday. I’m a little bit scared to tell the truth. But at the same time, it’s thrilling and exciting. And I think that’s how it should be. Art shouldn’t feel safe or predictable.