Champagne and Socks

C was a little surprised to hear from me today that the missing him has finally sunk in. About two days ago I reached my “this is long enough now” moment and then realised I still had the better part of 4 months to go. It was then that I realised it was going to be harder than I thought. C thought I should have been missing him straight away! But I had that big scary speech to do. And also, he does week long courses or several nights of watch or whatever so a week apart was not such a shock to the system. And the funny thing is that time feels like it’s going fast and going really slow at the same time. It’s quite disorienting. And that we will get married about 10 days after C comes home is really weird – I want him home but I have to finish planning a whole wedding (get a new job, send several books to the printer, go to World Fantasy Con etc etc) before then. And I also know that’s all going to go by really fast. And then we’ll be married. It’s hard to take in.

Today I spent the day following the Charlotte Dawson story on Twitter and on the news sites (we talk about it on tonight’s episode of Galactic Suburbia as well). And at about mid-afternoon I get an email from C saying the one or two thoughts that I’d been thinking/looking for answers for all day. And you know, yet again realised how much I am going to marry that guy. It’s such a happy thing to be in the same headspace as someone else and not having to put any effort into getting there.

I solved the mystery of the gym gear. It was in C’s car where I left it from the last dance class which was cancelled so I never went thus never wore the clothes.

I ran another 3 km today. Little bit too easily so I shall have to up the intensity next week. I am though enjoying the treadmill and have used it 3 out of 4 sessions of workouts this week so far. So that alleviates the guilt I had over that for the last month!

Things are changing again at work. But I don’t know what the implications are. I really really don’t want to have to be applying for a job in the next four months but I suspect that’s wishful thinking.

I bought new notebooks and coloured pens today. Bit exciting! It was time to admit my current notebooking system had gone awry – always needs regular change up to keep it all fresh. I got a separate one for the wedding planning – OMG it needs its own notebook now. I got one with the Eiffel Tower on the front for it though

Got busted at my regular coffee shop for cheating on them this morning. Turns out that the reason I feel like I haven’t had a coffee when I go with workmates to some other place is because my normal large coffee has three shots of coffee in it. OOps.

And that’s about all I got to report in today. We recorded the latest episode of Galactic Suburbia. I knitted on my Olympic cardigan as I couldn’t find the needle to sew the seams on the baby jacket. And I spent the entire episode unpicking lace to try and figure out where I lost a stitch. I did figure it out in the end but that’s what I was doing when I was very quiet!

It’s hard to get everything done in a day and I’m really starting to try to be ok with just getting one thing done on top of working the day job, cooking dinner, completing the day’s workout and whatever other small chores I need to get done in the day. Today I answered a few emails and I finished off the knitting for my niece’s baby surprise jacket. I just have to sew on the buttons and sew the seams which I’ll do tomorrow during Galactic Suburbia. So she’s all good to go ahead and be born now.

I *would* be going to Konga class tomorrow which has a new term starting but I can’t find any pants at all or by sneakers. See first sentence above.

Anyway, I wanted to post some photos from the speech the other night and maybe a few paragraphs of the speech. It’s kind of weird to talk about yourself and your achievements for 15 minutes. But sitting down to write a narrative about my publishing did help me nut out a few thoughts that I felt expressed a few things about Twelfth Planet Press.

This is me receiving the award.

And you know you’re in the right family when, during your speech, your uncle feels a need to document The Shoes getting an outing. And might I say, those shoes were very popular with the crowd. I picked the right fashion era

Some excerpts from the speech I gave:

I think what I appreciate most about this genre is the opportunity to interrogate the present through imagining an alternate reality. By placing people in extreme or alien scenarios, we can explore what it means to be human, what are our strengths and our weaknesses, who we are when it really counts. And in the best examples of this kind of fiction, advocate for change – in the way we think, what we value or the way we behave. For me, the true power of art comes from holding a mirror up to life to argue, suggest or demand that we, humanity, do better.

 

This desire to have women’s voices heard in the science fiction world powers my commitment and dedication to these ideals,

 

In this context my publishing company has grown and evolved. I’m driven by several objectives – the first and foremost is to publish fresh, original, well written work that seeks to interrogate, commentate, inspire or provoke thought. The second is to advocate for fiction written for, by or about women. To raise the awareness of women’s voices in science fiction and fantasy. And finally, to showcase and demonstrate the depth and breadth of Australian fiction and voice to the broader science fiction and fantasy scene.

And I am too tired to blog. It’s quite unlike me to go to bed so early but that is what I think I shall be doing once I hit publish. I got to bed late last night and it hurt a lot getting into work this morning. Added to that, it’s Day 1 of Week 1 of Round 3 of the 12 WBT and I had let myself off the exercise hook the last two weeks on the agreement that come today,  I was back on the horse. Today being the day after yesterday (did that honestly already happen? Wow). So I got home, a bit later than usual as I had to work later, and I did the fitness test to start off the program – this included running 1 km. And then I did the day’s workout session. I’m going to actually do the running program to the end, this time. So I did the first session of that. And ran another 2km. Plus some circuits. And then I cooked dinner – lentil spag bol. I tested the dishwasher – no go, it looks dead. And washed yet more towels from that incident.

So yes, I see why I am now tired. Though that doesn’t help with the the things needing to get done. But today, I don’t think it’s going to happen. I had more photos to post as well might but that might have to wait til tomorrow.

One of the preseason tasks of the 12wbt is to Say it Out loud. And here is really as good a place as any to do that. In fact, what I intend to do is hold myself accountable by noting in these posts that I have completed the tasks for the day. Because it’s all very well to day I am a woman of my word but who watches the watchers? So my goal this round is to get to goal weight (which I don’t exactly know the number of cause it’s supposed to be based on BMI but that number, for my height, looks a bit low for what I think I should be). That said, I’m aiming for 1 kg a week now til I hit it. And then maintain that for the remainder of the round. And my other goal is actually to complete the running program and run 5km very comfortably. And enjoyably.

I’ve been thinking a lot tonight about how far I’ve come and yet to go on this program. I’m entering my 8th month on it and kinda hoping some of the stuff should have stuck already! Here are some things that I do think I’ve changed:

1. I like salad greens and I look for them to add to almost any meal and find the meal bereft if we’re out of rocket.
2. preparation really is key and I’ve learned this for being able to stay on the program but also for other things I do in life, especially if I am worried about how they will go on the day. I now look for red flags both for sticking to the program but also for just in life, if you can see things that you know you will struggle with coming, why not get a plan of action for how you’re gonna go around it? It actually makes life less stressful
3. I’ve learned to accept core truths about who I am that will not change. I am not a morning person. I cannot do much in the morning on the way out the door to work. I need to pack my breakfast and lunch the night before or else it will not happen. These are already there and packaged ready to grab for tomorrow. See the point above.
4. I don’t actually go for seconds anymore. When we cook at home, the meals are portioned out, and the extras are put straight into freezer containers and put in the freezer. My freezer is full right now of meals ready to be grabbed. See point above.
5. I’ve by and large learned to head off my grazing patterns when I walk in the door in the evening by making dinner – yes it takes longer than browsing the pantry but in the long run, I will be more satisfied.
6. there is no escaping the consequences of pizza.
7. my eyelashes got thicker and I have new hair on my head that’s been growing in. This one is really sobering for me cause it says a lot about previous nutrition.
8. I feel more powerful when I am exercising regularly
9. I remembered how much I love to dance

I might not be at the end point yet but I’m getting there.

Today was such a big day for TPP! On the east coast, lots of TPP crew gathered at the Melbourne Writer’s Festival for the Twelfth Planet Press Showcase. I followed the event on Twitter and discovered it’s a lot harder to throw a party long distance than I thought it would be – I desperately wanted to be there and was so hungry for every photo and tweet – and text! – I got as the event progressed. I have such a big thank you to Jason Nahrung who first brought the idea to me and then worked really hard on the ground in Melbourne to make it happen and without his tireless organising, liaising, schlepping and programming, it would not have been possible. He even fixed that unfortunate TNT error from Natcon by collecting the books and passing them on to Dymocks who are the official bookstore of MWF:

(Thanks Deb for this lovely shot of the TPP books on the shelf!)

Also a big thanks to the authors who could make it to the event, some flying in from outer state – Deb, Kaaron, Cat, Rosaleen, Narrelle, Lucy, Kirstyn and Jason. (Hope I didn’t forget anyone?) And also to Julian Warner who MC’ed, Kerry Greenwood who spoke for the 12 Planets and Talie Helene who provided music. And to everyone everywhere who attended the event. I hear it was packed and I must admit I had fretted the “what if noone comes” a bit, so it was so exciting and overwhelming to hear that all the seats were taken and the standing room.

Whilst this was going on, I was at home preparing for a speech this evening. I was doing that thing where I couldn’t focus on anything else cause I had this thing to do, even though it was still hours away. Luckily, the universe has a way of filling a vacuum. I’m not *saying* it was the puppy’s fault and I know this sounds a bit conspiracy theorist but, he *was* the first to know, and sure, he spent a good 7 to 10 minutes trying to tell me about it before giving up, but he does seem like the other one to have profited from my dishwasher flooding the house. Yes. Water. Everywhere and not at all in an ironic way. About half an inch deep in the kitchen, dining, and half way in the tv and sitting area – under carpets and couches. And … and now you see it, right? but I had to move couches to mop up all the water and check for electricals and this, you see, exposed what was behind the couch – TWO uneaten treats, long forgotten…. or so i thought …

Anyway, that gave me something to do before heading up to Perth for the National Council of Jewish Women Australia WA evening for Women’s Achievers. Where in exchange for speaking for 15 minutes about myself and TPP, I won an award for being a Woman Achiever. It was a truly great honour to be recognised by this group and the other two award winners for 2012 (its a biennial award) were absolutely inspirational – Commander Michelle Fyfe APM (the 2012 Australian Police Medal recipient, did you know that in 1984, women police officers could only wear the uniform pants after sundown and part of their uniform included a handbag because they had no holster with that dress?) and Susan Cromb (Chairperson of the Adopt-A-School Partnership Bali-WA).

The evening also included a speech from the President of NCJWA in which she spoke a lot about the programs the organisation runs. A lot of really good work, and projects I really admire. And I was so chuffed by how many people came over to tell me how much they enjoyed my speech. It was really hard to write 15 mins worth about myself and I wasn’t sure the audience would care about science fiction I’m so glad my doubts were unfounded.

The evening was a fundraiser and my uncles and aunt, parents, family friend and Kathryn came to make up my table. I had a day where my heart overflowed because of all the love in it. Such a really great day. Thanks to everyone!

So I’m starting to see that the “surprise” in the Baby Surprise Jacket comes from the how-does-this-become-a-jacket element of it. The instructions say to not try and figure it out, just knit with faith. This is the “jacket” almost completed knitted:

Stay tuned.

Today I slept in for the first time in 2 weeks. Oh sweet sweet joy. I did head out and run my errands. This included doing the foodshop for next week, week 1 of the Round 3 of the 12 Week program. And grabbing a takeaway coffee from the new little cake shop that has opened in our local little centre. And then I made the very fancy omelette that is the program breakfast for today.

It seems that if my kitchen is neat and clean, I’m more likely to cook. And if I have a plan on what is going to be cooked, I’m more likely to cook it and not snack on something unhealthy in the meantime. And if things are neat and clean, I’m more likely to further spread the neat and clean-ness but tidying elsewhere. And if I’m doing things that are on my to do list – including my cooking and cleaning chores – I feel happier and am more likely to continue. These are things I knew about myself yet find it hard to short circuit out of bad routines.

So I mad the roasted pumpkin, leek and garlic soup that is several meals for this week coming. It’s so delicious, I had one of the serves for dinner. And if I feel energetic, I might make the spag bol for next week in advance tomorrow. I also did laundry. How boring.

Whilst working today, I caught up on Boss – Kelsey Grammer as Mayor of Chicago. It’s intense and politics and scheming and so on and it reminds of shows like Sopranos meets The Wire meets – I don’t want to say The West Wing here because everyone seems nasty and corrupt and TWW was so much more idealistic than that.

I’ve been prepping for my speech tomorrow night and that’s all getting a bit exciting. I’ll report more on that after the event

Other than that, I sadly have very little to report.

I’m this really annoyingly one track minded person this week. I have a speech to give at a fundraiser for Women Achievers this weekend and I’m nervous. I do this annoying thing when there are things I really don’t want to do – I mark time around them. Like, I can’t have fun or look forward to X until thing I don’t want to do is done. So yeah, until I get this speech done, I can’t even think about the hair and makeup trials and the bridesmaid fittings that we have on on Sept 1. Instead, I’ve spent the week prepping or worrying about this speech. This, 15 minute, speech. It’s really hard to say much in 15 minutes. I think the original speech I drafted was double that so it feels very sparse now that it’s stripped back.

C called me tonight. The first thing he said was “oh no, I didn’t call in the middle of Galactic Suburbia, did I?” I told him that in fact I had just finished cooking dinner and so he wanted to know what I’d made and I could almost hear him thinking about what the mushroom risotto looked and tasted like. It was his last meal choice before heading off to sea. It was lovely to speak to him. I don’t think it’s really set in yet – the whole four months apart thing.

There’s not much else to catch up on – yesterday was weigh in for the last week of Round 2. I lost 1kg. Which puts my total loss for the round at 2.4kg and 9 cm but since most of that has been in the last 2 weeks and Round 3 starts next week, I’m going to concentrate on the roll that I am currently on. Especially once I get this speech out of the way (see what I mean!). I looked over next week’s menu and it’s a tough one for choosing only half this week (since all the recipes are 2 serves I only need to cook half the menu).

I’m catching up on my recorded Foxtel show from the last month (there was the Olympics and a certain person mainlining games before he left). I am now up to speed on:

• Real Housewives of OC and NYC
• Bethenny Ever After
• Pregnant in Heels
• Bill and Guiliana

This has now cleared 30% of the space. Ahem.

Other than that, this knitting project has been driving me mad, I’ve knitted 4 times this amount and unpicked it. For something tht is so simple, I am making it so hard grrr!!!!I think my knitting skills have decreased.

Books I’m reading this week – Glory in Death by JD Robb and Matched by Ally Condie

Ah Monday. And we started out with such high hopes and good intent.

Let’s see. I managed to get up and out the house in time to run for the early bus. And still arrive at the train station to catch the same train as usual. It’s uncanny how many different buses I can take between 6.55 and 7.20 and still get the same damn train! I had a good day at work – I finished up the first document I’ve been given lead to coordinate and handed that in this afternoon, as per my target. And we had a meeting with the boss who was happily surprised by how far along we were on main project. I visited my physio who told me I was very tense this week and I think that meant I didn’t have to have any rehab exercise homework assigned. And apart from a slight bus hiccup at the train station home, my work day was delightfully uneventful.

One of my workmates is joining me on the Round 3 12 Week Body Transformation and that’s really helping me to get psyched up about starting that next week. I’m even – and let’s see how this goes before we say it’s a thing – thinking about getting up at 6am and exercising before work each day. My job this week is to start getting myself up earlier and then we’ll see how it goes from there. I have the treadmill in the other room and I could even sleep in my workout gear so it would only be a matter of getting out of bed and walking over *there* to do it. And as much as I deny it and argue with Michelle, leaving exercise to the end of the day means it doesn’t get done or it gets compromised in lieu of any other thing that’s on.

This evening I was supposed to do the rewrite of the speech I’m giving Sunday night (holy crap, don’t wanna). And I also was to start fleshing out the calendar for wedding planning to dos for the rest of this year. Instead, I treated my wicked heartburn with icecream (works) and started this knitting project which I have been procrastinating on for three years.

This is a Baby Surprise Jacket in Blue Moon Fibre Arts Sock Candy. Currently the borage and green apple colourways. And it’s for my new niece who is arriving in 4 weeks. I was talking to my sister today about some wedding plan things and this kickstarted me into Better Hurry Up already! I’m pretty sure though this particular pattern will count for the Knitting bucket list book when I go look to check it off. So that’s an extra tick. I also might have cleared about 20% of the Foxtel IQ queue this evening as well. Ahem.

Well, it’s mid August already. I really don’t know how this happened. It was February 5 minutes ago.

This morning we got up very very early and headed to Garden Island and helped settle C into his very small cabin which he has the luxury of sharing with only one other person this tour and then we breakfasted with other families of the crew on the deck of his warship and then stood on the wharf and waved as it gently pulled away and headed off to sea. And as we stood there waving him goodbye, the crew all standing on the decks rather formally as they head off, the tiniest voice from behind me called out, “Bye Daddy.” Damn that wrenched my heart.

So we are here. At this phase in the year. The bit where after 2.5 years of having him home every day, C has headed back to sea. And this is a four month stretch as he goes off to do all things naval and I get to do all the final planning for our wedding. And then he will come home and we will be married. Basically I won’t be living with him again until we are husband and wife. It was all fine and good cause this bit was, you know, off there on the horizon, and beyond, the wedding. But um. Here we are.

And tonight I met with my parents and a member of the band we were looking at for the wedding. And he is all very experienced in the kind of wedding we are looking at having. And I thought we’d toss around a few ideas and see what we thought and go away and come back. But he totally sat down and planned all the sets, I chose the bridal dance music, and we worked out the schedule for the reception. And somewhere in that process it hit me. I’m getting married. I’m really getting married. Woah!

So my intention is to post every day here because otherwise I might start talking to myself and noone wants that! And because I honestly have no idea how I am going to get everything done that I have on the list between now and Dec 23. And because maybe stopping to write it all down might slow it down a bit?

Oh yes, look, I do still remember the password to this account. It’s been so long I might have even forgotten how to do this!

No, really. I had grand ideas of posting along the road this year with everything going on, planning our wedding and so on. But this year is completely out of control. 2/3rds of it is already gone and it’s done that in the blink of an eye. I have my speech to deliver next Sunday and I’d be wracked with nerves and terror about it but I kinda also know it will be gone before I know it. Which means also that my wedding is going to be here before I know it too. I’ve surrendered to the speed at which this year is travelling. What’s 15 minutes of public speaking in that?

So can I even just summarise it in one post? Considering I don’t know when I’ll drop back past? I miss blogging and I don’t know that I ever really imagined a time when I would be too busy to even think about in a week. Anyway, here is a pic of the cardigan I cast on at the beginning of the London Olympics. I got a reasonable way through, for me, and am continuing on with it as I nostalgically recall my 2 weeks of 8 channels of Olympics sport. This is the yoke of the cardigan and it’s the first time I’ve used short rows. I’m interested to see how it goes. I’m a bit pleased that I’m actually doing some of the things from the knitting bucket book I bought a few months back – finally knitting my first adult size jumper and trying some new techniques and stitch patterns. Feels both relaxing (it’s not though, I had to rip out the first few rows several times to get it right) and productive with the ticking off of lists!

And as far as ticking things off goes, I’ve got one more week left on Round 2 of the 12 Week Body Transformation. This round was really really hard. I sat at the same weight for a good 11 weeks and have only just broken through the plateau. I’m set to lose maybe 3 kilos out of the whole round which would put me at a total weight loss of 13 kgs all up. I’m signed up for Round 3 and am hoping that it will lead me to my goal weight.

I found Round 2 really really hard due to not having that much spare time to put into things like cooking and exercising. It didn’t mean that I didn’t work on things – I worked on my head stuff a lot and ended up making a lot of transformations that were cerebral, emotional and lifestyle related. I’ve been applying the “Just Fricking Do It” philosophy to things in my life which has meant that a lot more of my house has gotten sorted and tided and organised. I’m aiming to have it all completed before 2013 so when we come home from our honeymoon, we come to a set up home that’s a happy and relaxing place to be.

I’ve also finally attacked my TPP finance accounting system. Long time readers will know this story well. But this time is The Time. I have to have books that have been audited for applying for arts grants by March and that was never going to be a small undertaking. But yeah sure it’s time intensive and requires lots of thinky thinking, but the truth is the thing that was putting me off was actually having final bottom line numbers that are unavoidable. But you know, thing is, I put my big girl publisher pants on and am doing it like a business woman. There are lots of really hard problems to solve and lots of unanswerable questions – some things just can not be answered 5 years after they happened. And so you know, big girl publisher pants wearing people Make Decisions and move on and don’t look back quivering with indecision. (Its quote nice really)

And here’s a horrible confession, I had not filed any paperwork or receipts since the last time I tried to sort the finances because it was all too scary and all needed sorted through and organised and then filed away when accounted for etc. So I dunno? Maybe 3 years of unfiled mess. I moved house with it. That was some of the unpacking required. And you know, that was scary to face. So this has all been being gotten under control. As more accounting gets done, more paperwork gets filed away and organised. And the house looks tidier. And as I collate the information, other ways to use it have come up so I’ve been working on things like forward planning budgets, publicity plans and projects in development stuff. It’s amazing what progress can be made when you take control and feel the fear but do it anyway.

So these are just a couple of examples of what I’ve been up to. I used to  write a lot to work through stuff in my head. At the moment it seems that doing it – action – is what is helping. So I’m working through things though doing. And I’m interested to see how much of this will stick – how much is real change and how much is transition til I fall back to old habits – both lifestye and thought patterns.

Things are full steam ahead with the wedding planning. I’ve got lots of things lined up for the next couple of weeks – finalising the bridesmaid dresses, doing hair and makeup trials. Last night we met with our celebrant and started talking over what the ceremony itself will be. We have started working through the paperwork for the license because … C is off to sea this weekend. And this takes us into the final phase of life before married life. It’s a bit scary (the being close to the wedding bit). So that leaves the rest of the things for me to work out and finalise. Ahem. Including the bridal registry. DO you think a raspberry kitcheaid would get old?

On the publishing front, Cracklescape by Margo Lanagan has been getting some really lovely reviews.

Brit Mandelo reviewed it over on Tor.com:

Cracklescape is like a box of gourmet chocolates: four unique, rich bites. This is the natural intent of the “Twelve Planets” series of collections, of course—

Lanagan’s other-world fantastic stories are great, but the understated and graceful force of these four pieces, put into concert, demonstrates her equal gift for bringing to life real people in the real world—only, a touch sideways, a touch out of kilter, encountering things that they cannot explain

Paul Weimer reviewed it today at SF Signal:

If you are interested in the region of the field where genre blends into contemporary fiction, or simply want some very beautiful, well crafted and shining writing, the work of Margo Lanagan in Cracklescape is definitely something worth your time and attention.

And in our latest episode of Galactic Suburbia – Episode 66 – we talk about all this Sporty Space

In which we suffer post-Olympics slump but make up for it by talking about sport in SF/F: from coyote baseball, holodeck racquetball and the points system of Quidditch to the history of sport in Doctor Who. And don’t forget that Buffy was a cheerleader!

It’s no surprise I feel like I am in a constant whirlwind and have no time to sit still. Or that I am tired most of the time. I am though finding that the busier you are, the less time you have to muck around. I am kicking August’s To Do List’s Arse. I am very much looking forward to marrying C and to swanning about in Paris for two weeks afterwards and do NO WORK AT ALL. I’m planning to take at least a month off TPP around then. Course that means I have to get ahead of the game now which … explains all of the above.