It occurs to me that I deal fine with having a chronic illness (I have two) when it feels like I’m in control. When I’m the one calling the shots, I’m good. When all hell breaks loose, that’s a different story. Probably means I’m not that cool about it after all.
The tests aren’t all back yet. We’re still dealing with could bes and not yet ruled out and whatever. It hurts. A lot. It might be Crohn’s related and I’m pretty down about it. I’ve been fighting my doctors for a while about taking a particular drug. I don’t want to take it still. But I wasn’t taking the initial drugs I was prescribed on Wednesday because they might complicate my Crohn’s (if it’s Ross River I have; previous experience means I’m not willing to just try drugs and see if they work). So I didn’t feel better this morning when I went for my followup appointment this morning. But I also wasn’t handling the pain that well either. Still, I’m repentant now, and taking all the originally prescribed stuff in the hopes that will help. It takes the edge off the pain.
It hurts a lot.
And so yeah. Several people have already pointed it out. I work too hard. I’m under a lot of stress (again. still). And I probably am in burn out.
I’ve known this seriously for a month and I’m taking action to deal with it where I can but that all takes time and it’s not going to sort all the issues out. But yeah, I’m thinking a lot about it these last two days. Two sick days. I’ve been lying on my couch trying to take them as proper and complete sick days. I’ve been immersed in Studio 60 which I’ve been wanting to watch for a really long time. And I’ve been trying to relax. But you know I’ve been doing stuff too. Minor stuff but stuff. Yeah.
And today I realised I go to World Fantasy Con in 23 days. I need to not hurt by then.
Happy Jewish New Year to ya!
Things have been slow round my way due to the pain in my joints. After a reasonably productive day, I got strongarmed to go to the doctor because my joint pain was not improving, it had crept into my hands and I’d lost dexterity – had a bit of trouble typing and also knocked over my cup of coffee whilst trying to pick it up. Yikes!
I figure it’s arthritis – I’ve read it can be linked to Crohn’s. I got the last appointment of the day at the doctor’s who immediately said “Ross River Virus”. Not at all what I’d been thinking but I was in an area infested when we did that work field trip. Also apparently you can get something from cows that causes joint pain. So, tomorrow I go off for a round of blood tests. I was given a ton of things to take for the pain and inflammation in the mean time. And I have to drink 4L of water a day. Also given the rest of the week off work.
Hmm.
I’m blogging right before I head off to bed with a silly book and a cup of tea because I feel like today was less productive than I hoped it would be.
I went to bed very uncomfortably last night, really not being able to explain why my wrist elbows and shoulders were so sore. I couldn’t work out if I’d eaten something that maybe I shouldn’t (tomatoes, eggplants) or didn’t get enough sleep (I have this thing) or what. As I lay there with a hot pack, it began to rain and I realised … oh yeah! That. New thing this year, I seem to be getting achy joints right before it rains. This is sad because I love stormy weather. Also, I’m only 35. Is it going to be like this from now on? And, I did not give my grandmother anywhere near the sympathy she deserved for her arthritis. I think that’s such a vague describer and I never really understood until I started to have this moving, achy, painful thing this year. She suffered for years with it and it got much worse towards the end of her life.
Anyway, so I woke up still quite sore and that’s extended til now. Even my fingers are starting to ache. And by about 3pm, I had this horrible headache set in. I can’t work out if that’s hayfever (it’s a really bad year) or some kind of cold I am getting or if I am having difficulty staring at the screen at work all day (doing slightly different work to what I used to do). Blah, listen to how complainy I am!
I came home and floomped, basically. I pushed myself to do a few things:
- edited final story in Bad Power and sent back to Deb
- updated TPP finance spreadsheets
- created a second ebook product in the TPP webstore for the Kindle version of Love and Romanpunk (broke my brain on that)
- created my first shipment on the TNT website whereupon apparently they will come and collect my delivery for me (cept I booked it for Weds which is Jewish New Year so now I have to move it but I printed off all the forms already blah blah)
Not much, as I said. And now I will take my sorry self to bed.
Tags:
life
I was trialling the website interface on Twitter yesterday and am told it works! Yay.
We’re in the process of converting all the Twelfth Planet Press books to ebooks and they will soon be available on the website and in various other online stores. Quality ebooks are fiddly and time consuming to produce and I’m very fortunate to have kind designers who have generously given of their time to make TPP electronically available.
The ebook process has been an interesting, and often frustrating one for me. I’m not a designer, I don’t do layout and I haven’t been able to help out on this project. The software to layout ebooks is not the same software as to layout print books and the conversion from one to the other, no matter what people say, is not an easy, simple, straightforward one. You can generate from one to the other but then you get nasty, messy files that are awful to read and people complain about. And the manual layout for a good ebook takes as long as it does to layout a print book. So that’s double the time or two completely different, and time consuming products. And in small press, where most of the people involved are pretty much donating their time and skills, it starts to all get a bit overly demanding.
Still, I am very fortunate. Amanda Rainey does such fantastic layout. She makes my books look like real books and good looking ones at that. And I know she is much of the reason our books are doing so well. And now, the unbelievably awesome Charles Tan has come on board to help out with our ebooks. I’m learning from him what makes a quality ebook and just how much time that takes. And considering how busy Charles is with all the other things he does, I am very lucky he is my friend!
Our very first ebook is now up and available for purchase from the Twelfth Planet Press webstore. Cheryl Morgan finessed this one from Amanda’s files and Charles took it to the finishing line. I’ve even read it on my iPhone and can attest it looks very beautiful. The rest will follow and we’ll make a bigger deal about that then.
Love and Romanpunk Ebook – available for download now for $5.95
And in celebration, Tansy Roberts is Rocking the Romanpunk all this week!
Tags: Tansy Rayner Roberts, The Twelve Planets, Twelfth Planet Press
So I’m still dreaming about Helen’s bookcases. I went to her with this problem: I’m looking for [sekret projekt] and I need to read up on it. What do you suggest? And then she took me to her front room and there in all its glory was her collection of SF and F by female writers, filed alphabetically by author. And Helen was talking and telling me things and then pulling all kinds of books off her shelves and looking for things and then she’d say,” oh THIS book is the one that they had that fight about in the fanzines” and “then this was the book Russ wrote in response” etc.
Now I know Helen is an academic, I’m very envious of her enthusiasm and depth of knowledge. It’s very inspiring.
But, and here’s my real problem, my books are nowhere nearly as organised as hers. And I really admire that it was a whole wall of just books written by women. Seriously cool. As was her, “oh she was a physicist and wrote this,” and “she was really interesting … and had 10 children and was an explorer” etc. I’m so looking forward to getting into this reading. But I digress. C and I have a bit of a disagreement on how books should be shelved. I usually do it by genre (decided by ME) and then alphabetically by author (but also according to aesthetics). I think C thinks that all books should be alphabetical by author. He might be ok with by subject but all fiction together.
I haven’t yet sorted and shelved the fiction.
How do you shelve yours?
I think today has been my favourite Saturday in a long long time.
Yesterday the puppy had an operation (you know, the one …) and C picked him up from the vet at 5pm. He’d apparently bounced back very quickly from the anaesthetic and been the pet around the vet’s all day, being loved and brushed and fawned over. When I got home, he was Half!Puppy – excited to see me but unable to jump. And also running around to lie down near you. He spent most of the evening feeling very sorry for himself. And for the first time ever, put himself to bed! Today he’s been a little bit more lively but still lolling about and looking quite pathetic. It looks very painful to me, poor thing.
So I got a nice sleep in this morning – as much as one can living with those two. And then after watching a bit more Haven, I popped over to Helen’s place to borrow some books before she heads off on her adventure. I want to get some reading done whilst she’s away for a project that’s on the backburner. Bit annoyed that people borrow books and don’t return them – she kept finding books she thought she had that were missing. Tomorrow, I’m going to look through all the borrowed books I have, and return them! And she’s only gone for four months – I think I borrowed about 20 books, will I really get them read in that time?
On the way home, and might I add that this was the first time that I did not get lost coming home from her place, and sadly the last time I’ll visit in a while :(, I stopped off at the shops. And feeling all inspired and lazy Saturdayish and I dunno, in a really positive mindset, I did a food shop. We’ve been mostly shopping online and having it delivered but hadn’t done an order this week. I was supposed to get like 5 items but felt in the mood for doing a good fresh food shop and planned a few meals to make. Also bought some chilli plants. Feeling a bit more settled in and making my home homely, I think.
I came home and watched yet more Haven, tidied up the clothes and also finally finally found the top of my desk in the study. And then actually used the desktop for work. Sweet joy! Ooh I skyped with Tansy who keeps pitching things at my head. AND Jem said Hello! to me for the first time! That stuff just gets you, doesn’t it? So brilliant!
For dinner I made shitake mushroom risotto from scratch and properly and threw some spinach leaves with a sour cherry balsamic dressing. I do believe it was delicious!
Now I’m watching Doctor Who before heading to bed to finish off Haven and I guess get a leg up on all that reading! I’m looking forward to more of the same, but more Twelfth Planet Press work, tomorrow.
Tags:
life
I’m not quite sure what happened. I had a good day at work yesterday – mostly out in the field doing some site visits and then a farewell afternoon tea for a workmate. I ran an errand for C on the way home (he negotiated my 1 hour roundtrip on the way home to pick up a game he had on preorder in exchange for completing a list of household chores. I knew he’d do his side of the bargain so I did the trip. And avoided popping into one of several stores to buy something nice “just to have” – you know, like candles or whatever. I just moved house and discovered how often I must do that.) and then I had a good evening. I caught up on some TPP tasks. Watched some Doctor Who and went to bed.
And then … it seems the puppy has appointed himself C’s 5.08 am alarm. It’s uh, starting to really annoy C. The puppy doesn’t seem to think *I* need to be up, just C. And he licks him and sits on his head til C gets up. And then after C heads off to work, the puppy gets back into bed with me and goes to sleep. And he didn’t do this for the two weeks C was away.
And this morning when this all went on, I woke up to a really searing pain in my stomach. I sorta dozed through it for a couple of hours but by 7.30 it was pretty unbearable and I couldn’t lie in any position without pain. I got up to see if it was Crohn’s and then I got the trusty hotpack. I soon realised moving was impossible and driving out of the question. And I had the wooziness you get when in extreme pain. So I called in sick and then lolled about in bed for two hours watching Doctor Who and contemplated actually being too sick to find the sick day useful.
So I spent the day on the couch with a doona and a hotpack and the rain outside. And I inhaled basically one whole season of Haven. And on and off I got a few other things done but the pain came and went in waves. Still not really sure where it came from and what it was. Still, I fell in love with the show Haven and I was kinda glad to have something to keep me company on a sick day.
I also started my (annual) comeback for Last Short Story. I spent some time updating the spreadsheet. I read about 50 stories. Not too much to report home about. I’m going to be quite strict this year and not read stuff I know I won’t like just to speed through it and rack up my read tally. I just wanna read the really great stuff of the year – that’s the stuff I want to aim to be publishing amongst. See how I go.
It’s coming up to Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur and long time readers of my blog will know this means a time of self reflection for the year that has gone. And funnily enough, I’ve had a few long hours these last few weeks to really think about things that have happened this year. And in just the last couple of weeks, I feel like I’ve had a full mind/reality perception shift. And it feels, well, it feels completely freeing and unbelievably awesome.
2011 has been one of the most personally confronting years I can remember. I’m sure there have been more acutely devastating events in my life – like the death of loved ones – but this year has had an ongoing theme of kicking my arse. And what I mean by that is that this year, I have been consistently presented with situations in which I could no longer go with the status quo (where I have let something big slide, or a power unbalance that made me unhappy continue, or left something unsaid that I’d rather not have to say). It’s been uncanningly relentless to the point where now, I just nod to myself and take a deep breathe and do that which I have been avoiding or would rather not have had to do or say. Because I’ve just been pushed to places where I’ve had no choice, no matter how much I have resisted. I don’t much like rocking the boat and if in a situation the bad behaviour or bad dynamic only impacts on me, I’ll tend to rather just wear it. And of course, that hasn’t led me to great mental places or healthy relationships (and hasn’t impacted just me, either, in the end). And some of those aftermaths I’m still dealing with today. 2011 has also been personally stressful for various things not all of which are appropriate to talk about here. I don’t go into specifics relating to work and so on.
Whilst the year has brought me month after new month of confronting and stressful situations, it’s also without exception ended up landing me in a better place than where I began. Not always where I wanted to be, mind you, but to be fair, when looking back, most of this has been worth it. It’s been harsh. These kind of lessons are not painless. There is distress and discomfort, challenge and sadness and grief. But the result has been a total stripping away of the unnecessary and the negative and a rebirth, renewal and rediscovery. Because what I have left is the most precious – like I’ve spent a year panning for gold and come up with the few nuggets in a riverbed. I’ve learned a lot along the way and had my eyes opened more than a few times to seeing (and admitting I can see) things as they really are and not with the translucent veil I would prefer to look through.
Rough year. But also an intellectually and emotionally rewarding one. I feel possibly the happiest I’ve been in a long time. I feel more like the true me than I have done in years. And I feel optimistic and excited about the future and all its possibilities. And I feel more robust and pragmatic. Not everyone is going to like me. And that’s ok. Not everyone is going to be happy for my successes. And that’s their issue not mine. What matters is knowing who will jump into your boat and help bail out the water if it starts to sink. And when you know who those people are (and who they aren’t), then you can consider yourself truly rich. And know by whom you are truly loved. And who needs anything/one else? Really, at the end of the day.
So, you know. A journey, this year.
And also a path of discovery and revelation.
It’s a funny thing but I’ve found myself wrestling with my inner feminist a lot this year. C and I sat down and had a very important business meeting on Sunday night. There is a lot going on at Twelfth Planet Press and I wanted to bounce off the entire overview of the plans and also to have someone moderate my crazy, as I’ve been calling it. And a little bit scarily, noone around me, including C is moderating it. Usually I am fighting people to prove them wrong and now, now I am putting forward ridiculously large and ambitious plans and everyone around me nods and then saddles up. It’s a bit disconcerting. And also, it’s different when you are working to prove someone wrong compared to doing something when people believe in you. More pressure maybe? Funnily enough? I mean, if everyone expects you to fail, and then you do … well there’s just loss of face in that, isn’t there?
So we had a meeting. And it ended up with a discussion of about a 3 to 5 year forward plan. Which ended with me having to sit down, and just muttering the word “wow” over and over. It’s a completely different experience being with someone who not only believes in what I want and am trying to do but also actively supports me. And I guess, I’m thriving in that kind of a personal space. But, I thought moving down here, an hour away from my life, my family, most of my friends and all my favourite haunts, would be an isolating and hard thing to do. Actually, it’s not. Yeah I miss good coffee but that’s a good reason to make sure I get up and hang out with people up north of the river on weekends. I have some very close friends down here who are no more than 20 minutes away. And when it’s still, I can hear the ocean from our bedroom at night. I can HEAR THE OCEAN IN OUR BEDROOM. I only really grasped that the other day. I live *near* the freaking ocean! There are seagulls all around and I have the opportunity to actually embrace a seachange, if I wanted to.
And, it turns out that one thing that is particularly stressing me out, in the I need prescribed drugs to treat symptoms of the stress kind of way, I can actually take into my own hands and fix. And I’m working on that now. And in so doing, I realised this really important thing. When C gets posted away from here, I will probably move with him (see my inner feminist squirm) and so that made me look at my career in a completely different way. Because that means that I’m not working towards building some 10 or 15 year career where I am. And realising that gave me this huge sense of freedom. Because it opens up a bunch of doors to try things and take risks and maybe explore a bunch of things I actually want to do. And today I was out and about for work and on and off people’s farms and looking at dairy cattle and things and thinking … there’s no reason *why* I need or want a city/suburban life. I mean, I want to try all kinds of things and see all kinds of places. My choices are unlimited. And I’m in a situation now where I can experiment with that (again with the squirming feminist). Though, yes, I am as inner city gal as they come. But whatever. It’s my current headspace! Go with it!
Which inevitably brings me to Twelfth Planet Press and the other part of the post title. Because… I have a 3 to 5 year plan. Some of which I have announced. Some of which I’m working on figuring out how I can make happen. And it’s been this funny progression. At Swancon I had the chance to sit down and open my heart and soul with good friends who have been on this ride from the beginning and who guide and mentor me along this crazy ride. I set myself a dollar value limit when I started out on TPP and I told myself when I hit that level of “debt/investment” I would say that that business was not viable and I’d walk. Basically I set a limit of money I was prepared to lose. And, well, I hit that limit. And so, decisions had to be made. Either I pull the plug, thank the linesmen and ball boys and head off home or I take an even bigger plunge. Because it was go hard or go home time. I had some really good conversations with some very wise and knowledgeable people. People who I think know how to press my buttons, basically. They reminded me what all this was for, what my original objectives and goals were and where I had come from and what I had done so far. And you know, how could I come this far and then bail? And when I thought about it, I guess I’ve spent the last 4 years apprenticing and now, I finally have the basic skills. You don’t learn to do something and when you finally have some proficiency, go off and watch TV. Do you?
And as you know, I decided to take a leap of faith. And it is a leap of faith because I have no idea where the money will come from or how we will keep the lights on and the printing presses printing. But I have managed to gather an amazing group of talented people – writers, artists, designers, editors, proofers and mentors. And I feel like we finally made it to the first rung on the ladder. And we can’t go home just yet.
But there’s this other problem alongside there being no money left. There’s no time left. I have finally hit a place where I can no longer physically find any more time in my week. I guess it had to happen at some point. There is so much going on, so much to do and if there was more time, we could be doing a lot more, and a lot better and so on. So I had to finally come round to the acceptance of the act of delegation. It’s a hard one. And I’m still learning to let things go. Or figuring out ways of being ok with not doing the whole of tasks all the way through (I never ever did any of the layout except for online/websites). I finally have some submission readers and interns. Yay. There’s a few things that I am behind on and I finally realised I was just never going to get on top of everything all by myself. So the new year, I suspect, is going to be a year of letting go and being ok with it. Because if I can’t bring on more staff and learn to trust my baby to more people than just me, I will be hampering the growth.
So. There you have it. Lots of what is going on in my head.
In case you aren’t getting these links elsewhere, the Say Yes to Gay YA links:
Well I am on my last 18% of my computer memory so I guess that’s my work done for the day. I’m not done, there might have been tears but I’ll suck it up like the princess I am. (Oh no! I won’t get to listen to the Writer and the Critic at work tomorrow ;_; )
So. I didn’t feel overly productive today. I felt at times like I was grappling to hold on and to get anything done. I didn’t sleep very well – C came home just after midnight and we chatted and I got Starbucks presents and chocolate. And then the puppy was a bit hyper etc. So I was tired when I got into work this morning. So tired in fact, that when I reached for our very special, clean skin Five Senses coffee beans that J and I are drinking at work, I somehow took the lid off by just unclipping it from the bottom and spilled close to 1kg of beans all over the floor.
And here’s my OCD report – J is quite particular about things too (she won’t drink milk if it’s been left out for several hours in a meeting, just like I wouldn’t! Kinship) and she said she would drink the coffee from beans from the floor and had in fact done this exact thing before (though not with our beans.) So we all collected all the beans up and I totally ground and made a coffee with them. And drunk it. Yeah. I know.
Still feel bad for being clumsy with the uber expensive beans that we’re sharing!
I did not run today.
What I did do:
- read a rewrite for Through Splintered Walls
- sent two shorts for Bad Power to the proofreaders
- answered a TONNE of emails and am down to 15 in my inbox, not including whats filed in “Action” and “Reply”
- coordinated some ebook issues
- did a food shop (in the real shops for a change)
- watched half an episode of Doctor Who before getting into laptop recharging strife
- will now have to load up some stuff to my thumbdrive and then go find something else to do
Tomorrow is Friday. Hopefully I will have my leave request for Monday granted for a thing I have to go do. And then it is THE WEEKEND! There will be a recording of episode 2 of Live and Sassy (you can send us feedback by the way to liveandsassy@gmail.com – let us know what you want to hear us talk about!). I will also be getting my hair done and heading off to a very fancy ball (at the Hyatt, not sure I am ready to go back there yet but them’s the breaks) with a very gorgeous man. And then working Sunday.
Tags:
life
Gwyneth Jones has this to say on the Twelve Planets volumes so far, which she posted about on her personal blog:
I’ve been reading The Twelve Planets’ latest selections, and enjoying them very much, starting with Deborah Biancotti: police procedural with a sinister undertow of the weird, progressing through Tansy Rayner Roberts (Romanpunk), Lucy Sussex (Thief of Lives), and Sue Isle (Nightsiders). These collections, just four stories in a slim paperback, are an excellent idea, a tasting menu of Australasian female genre writers. Romanpunk has an intriguing twist on the noble vampire and mortal girlfriend* story (see, these vampires are really Lamia, they’re Roman in origin, and very well connected, but they find the C21 street has its uses). Ever wondered why pretty-boy Caligula was such an unmitigated horror in private life? Or why Nero was finally forced to kill his mother? Refreshingly, unlike Buffy, the mortal girlfriend is not allergic to education and actually has a life… Lucy Sussex I can safely say needs no introduction: I loved her beautiful story about modern and ancient Babylon, “Alchemy”. Sue Isle has created a daunting, yet not hopeless day after tomorrow Western Australia; linked stories all set in the same moment, the moment, for various characters, when you realise that climate change has won, and civilisation is not coming back. So you stop mourning, and you move on… Made me wish there was a novel.
Someone said, recently, the Finnish sf community gives me hope for the future of the genre… These Australians give me hope for the future of female, and even feminist, writers in sf.
I couldn’t hope for better feedback.
Tags:
deborah biancotti,
lucy sussex,
sue isle,
Tansy Rayner Roberts,
The Twelve Planets,
Twelfth Planet Press
Many awesome things happened today. Some of which will have to wait for later for me to talk about! But it felt like I was on a real roll. When I woke up, I was chatting to C who told me he was done for the day at his course and I said mournfully that I had hoped he meant he was done with the course and was coming home today (wishful thinking) and then after several minutes of teasing he said, “in all seriousness, I AM coming home tonight” FOR REALZ! So I’m up waiting for my sweetie to come home tonight. Sigh. It’s been too long (don’t ask me how I’ll go with the next tour. I don’t want to think about it right now).
So I decided it was gonna be a GREAT day and I would hear some NEWS. And I did hear said news. I hope I have more on that later.
Then I had to go to the dentist. I was hoping for no fillings and I got no fillings, today. But I have four more to get. And he says I have to give up chocolate. For good. I’m not sure how that will go. I’m going to try something. Because there really is only so much pain you can have in your mouth for long periods of time.
I did get one short story proofed and back to the author today. I should probably do something more productive than what I am going to do for the next couple of hours waiting for C (Watch TV and knit).
We did also just record this fortnight’s episode of Galactic Suburbia tonight and I think I started to get somewhere on a) expressing my feelings about Doctor Who (defining and then expressing) and b) why I am still fricking watching it then. It’s starting to coalesce and that is starting to make myself feel better. I think the answer is, given our discussion on the show, I can’t not watch it, now. In any case, I think I feel better about it. And that’s a good thing. We thought we hardly had enough in he show notes for a show this fortnight, but no, no need to panic, we did just fine!
But … does anyone in Doctor Who fandom know if/where there are discussions or criticisms with a Jewish slant on Doctor Who? I’d greatly appreciate being pointed in the direction.
Tags:
doctor who,
Galactic Suburbia,
life
Bleurgh. What a day. I hadn’t been asleep two hours last night when the poor puppy was ill, for about an hour and a half. And when I say ill, I mean, his spirits were not at all dampened and he snacked and finally, when he was working on a chew at 3.30 am, I decided he was ok. I think I overly enthusiastically made up for the underfeeding in too dramatic a move. Poor pups, he must have felt awful. Though he seems so unperturbed. I got up at about 7.30 and kept an eye on him til 9 but he seemed totally fine so I went to work.
Work was crazy. I was preparing for an afternoon meeting when an emergency landed in my lap requiring an hour turnaround. I met it and was pleased to have done it for a different branch manager. He was very nice and gave me lots of praise, which suddenly made the general dearth of the rest of the time so stark in contrast. Then I headed off to an afternoon meeting in the city with someone from another area whom I liaise with And … other expertlike people also attended and damn it was fascinating. I learned many many interesting things, touched base with counterparts etc and generally missed the old role I used to have. There’s a theme.
I was feeling somewhat tired and was telling C that I felt bad taking another night off and not getting house things done. When he reminded me that I promised not to set too high goals and then feel disappointed when I don’t meet them, I felt reenergised and got a few things done (how does he do that?). The dishes which seemed too hard last night were a breeze. I made myself another haloumi burger for dinner. I unpacked all my shopping from the weekend and finally hung it up. I started working on the sorting and rearranging of my books which got to a point of being able to put almost all the piles that were on the floor into a bookcase somewhere, somehow. Though this revealed two more piles of National Geographics … nooooooooo! And I did some more of the cookbooks.
Felt like more, really. But it wasn’t. And I think I earned an early bedtime what with all that being up last night business.
I watched a couple of episodes of Doctor Who, including Blink, which is the first episode so far I have actually enjoyed watching.
Tags:
life
Bookstores:
Tags:
publishing links
And four sleeps to go. I’m sensing a pattern here of one productive day, one less so.
Today not that much done:
- popped past shops on way home and stocked up on puppy food, discovered I’d been underfeeding Mr Pups
- mailed a bunch of mail
- completed Couch to 5K, Week 2, Day 1. Definitely enjoying running a lot more than I was last time round. I’m getting the endorphin rush and wondering if it’s about attitude. Muscles hurt afterwards in that “I’ve done exercise” kind of way. The puppy is good for about 15 minutes and then he assumes the position of a lion surveying his savannah.
- cooked dinner – haloumi burger and more baked apples
- went through a story edit for one of the Twelve Planets collections and sent that back to the author
- halved the emails in my inbox
- started working through the cookbooks to go into the bookcase, only got about 5 books in before peaking
And now I think I need an early one after last night’s very late one.
Should start a new subsection, Book Stores I’d like to Visit
I am not into the countdown. As soon as Friday was here, I could say, “Last Friday night before C will be home.” And now I just have to make it though the working week … sigh … the whole working week.
Still, I know I have been working hard on the house and yet it feels like I’ve barely gotten started. Today I was supposed to “work really hard” but then I wouldn’t have had a rest day, really, and back to work tomorrow. So I kinda mooched. What did I achieve:
- currently waiting for my soup to cool and then I will portion it out for lunches for work
- many loads of laundry. I don’t know how many but I am not up to date and I did woollens and the two winter blankets
- dishes remain up to date
- all the F&SF mags have been unpacked, sorted and found a lovely home on a shelf
- the National Geographics have likewise been culled for doubles (how did I still have doubles I thought I culled?), sorted and given a home
- I have begun to sort all the cook books. And they have a shelf
- the DVD box sets for TV shows look gorg all alphabetised and in their new DVD tower home
- the kitchen table has been mostly recleared
- cleared the back deck and rearranged things a bit. I think it gives more light into the house.
- Figured out how to solve the wardrobe crisis. Tomorrow I will rearrange it to prove that my way has more room
- cleaned out some of the fridge
- answered lots of emails, still lots to answer
- packaged up more TPP orders
- watched half? of Season 3 of Doctor Who
I’m hoping there will be an aha or cascading moment on the house. A lot of what I am do is regigging things to create more room. And so lots of small projects or spaces are currently under construction. I’m hoping it will end up with “move this here, pick this up there, shift that over and … bing, bang boom … wow!” I’ll let you know if that happens 
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life
The thing about podcasting? It’s highly addictive. Jonathan and I have been noodling about for a while on this new podcast and today, after recording the episode a while ago, he hit publish and voila! Our new podcast:
Welcome to a new podcasting project by Jonathan from the Coode St Podcast and Alisa from Galactic Suburbia!
Once a month we aim to catch up at our favourite (or not) coffee shop, grab a coffee and chat about all things in the SF&F publishing world.
We recorded our first episode a while ago now and in it we talk about the Borders bankruptcy, all things ebooks, the SF Gateway project and make wild predictions about the future of publishing.
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podcast
Day 5 was not that successful, relatively speaking. I had trouble concentrating at work and was trying to watch the eyestrain thing. Got home and made corn soup (YUM!) and baked me some more apples. (YUMMO! I cannot believe I never liked cinnamon and apples before. So weird.) I ended up eating it all whilst talking on the phone to my sister. And I also did a very minimum amount of book moving and rearranging in so far as the books were part of my National Geographic collection. And um, then I went to bed and watched an episode and a half of Doctor Who.
Today was a day of errands. Really. I woke up a bit later than I was supposed to, bustled the poor puppy away and then headed up to my mum’s who had kindly agreed to embark on Clothes Shopping Expedition with me. And not just “clothes” but formal dress wear. My mum is unbelievably patient and I am a pain in the arse when purpose clothes shopping. I don’t love clothes shopping at the best of times but I HATE it when I HAVE to get something for a particular event by a particular deadline. I get more and more frustrated at all the clothes that don’t fit me and the lack of success, self hatred sets in and sometimes there are tears (and tantrums). My mother deals with this by getting more and more steadfast and determined that we WILL find something.
Here’s the thing. I realised that I’ve been declining invites and not wanting to attend events simply because I can’t face the “I have nothing to wear” thing. Or the only thing I have appropriate is looking old and ragged or not quite fitting anymore. C has a lot more formal (work) events than I’m used to attending and I’ve been cringing and hating myself through those events because I’ve just not had something to wear that has made me feel good or even more than than, the things I’ve been wearing have actively made me hate myself. That’s not a way to live. These things should be the fun things in life and not the things that you dread coming up or that add to self loathing (and all the negative compounding that does in your headspace).
And I’m doing this thing, I think I mentioned it, self correcting or repairing the damage my depression has done to me. And it’s a big job, spanning all kinds of things both physical in my surrounds, social, physical to my body, my habits and a bunch of mindsets. One of the things I am trying to correct is the not being nice to myself. So … if I hate going out cause I don’t have anything to wear, that’s sort of something I can fix. I could get myself things that I think I look nice in, that make me feel good about myself and more importantly don’t make me hate myself. And then, I could … ooh, I dunno? Have fun?
There are kinda two reasons I don’t have clothes I like – 1) I have been not spending money unless I’ve *had* to on clothes for several years. When people wonder where the money for small press publishing comes from … well, yeah. That’s where. (Also cut corners on things like the dentist, though that didn’t work out so cost effectively.). 2) I HATE clothes shopping. The experience tends to end up with much long lasting self loathing too, I find.
So as I said, today was the day we embarked on the mission to correct this. And I knew where I was going and that this would not be a hideous experience. Several other times we’ve had to find a dress on a deadline, we’ve ended up at a particular shop at Karrinyup and they’ve always delivered so today I just headed straight for there, walked in the door and said “please help me!” I don’t think the assistant or my mother could believe how obliging I was. I tried on everything they suggested and let the assistant fiddle and fuss. I normally lose patience for such things (cause the self loathing has kicked in). In that store they like you to try things on and most people (me too the first time I went there) don’t like to do that but I’ve found that they have things out the back, and in my size! and once you try a few things on you can figure out what they have that will suit (not this cut, different waist, less bust etc etc). I had decided I would go and get a couple of pieces, I have two events on the horizon but if I had a few items, I wouldn’t need to go into a panic next time a possible invitation comes in. I bought a few things, more than I planned. And went over budget. But I feel good about myself, almost everything I tried on could have been the one dress I bought if I’d been on a deadline. Shopping not on one meant I could buy two pieces that need to be altered and happily collect them in a month’s time. And I got a variety of things for formal or less formal things and bits and pieces to mix and match so I have maybe a basic wardrobe now that I can build around and will last me 5 years or so.
And I never once felt bad about myself in that shop. Service makes all the difference, doesn’t it? They always say to me they will find me something I can wear, they are always so positive and I dunno how but the number of the size of the dress that fits is never a horrifying one. All my pieces are wash and hang. And I’m sorted. And I feel good about myself.
So that was a hideous errand achieved.
I also grabbed another DVD storage unit thing (C has some that are build/add as you g0). And an apple corer! I checked my post office box. It was filled with mail. And I did a quick food shop to take dessert to Tehani’s.
I guess we had a Twelfth Planets meeting tonight? Of sorts. Somehow Tehani got bossy and updated all my software on my electronics. Helen came over and brought alcohol but we worked on introductions for upcoming Twelve Planets and other detaily things like that. The puppy was uncharacteristically well behaved. Also it seems to be the week to pitch awesome, crazy publishing ideas at Alisa and I’ll somehow seriously consider them. Someone invent a money tree for me.
Tomorrow is a major work day at home. I hope to report in much achieved for there is much to do.
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life
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