Champagne and Socks

So we did the second leg to Canada. It was longer than the first. A good chunk in, I felt like we had always been on that plane. But. We had wifi, which made ALL the difference. Jonathan did some expert wangling and we had what might have been the only spare seat on the plane between us. And we were in a side section next to the crew sleeping quarters (on an A380) so the only people who annoyed me were the family behind me. We got fed lots. I got a lot of work done. I watched Season 4 of Nurse Jackie, Season 2 of Episodes and a couple of eps of Veep. In all, not bad. The food was good – oriental vegetarian is recommended.

The hotel is a looooong way out of Toronto. The cab ride in peak hour to the hotel was possibly the longest leg of the trip. And I kinda regretted opting for the cheaper hotel (well, by the time I went to upgrade, all the rooms in the other hotel were booked). Still, I spose I can feel good about saving some money and there is still Wifi. And a Starbucks in the lobby. The food in the hotel is not too bad.

After a pretty good night’s sleep – and my back is starting to feel better – I dragged myself out of bed at 7am for fear Jonathan would think me lazy (I’m pretty sure he did). After breakfast, we navigated our way into the city – a 20 min cab ride to the first stop of the subway and then another good long ride on the subway into the city. We kinda wandered around (I took one for the team and had my first salted caramel mocha in case there was free wifi. There wasn’t) and just got a feel for the place. In the rain. Cited the CN tower. And somehow managed to get ourselves to Lettuce Knits which was a pilgrimage I really really wanted to do whilst here. I’m glad to have ticked it off my list so early! It’s in a very funky little part of town called Kensington Markets and looks like it would be a lot of fun in warmer and drier weather. Then we met up with Peter Watts for lunch and had a fascinating and meandering conversation. We headed back to the hotel eventually and in time for dinner with Garth. And then the bar where I dare say the con has started to kick off.

It’s a very odd thing but I am making some rather large life changing decisions whilst running full speed on other things. A bit like whilst getting a little stressed about leaving and not quite realising it is finally WFC time, I was addressing wedding invites hours before leaving for the airport. Doing too big deal things in tandem actually really helps – you can’t quite figure out which to freak out on so you concentrate on neither.

Tomorrow – more food, more friends, more good conversation. And a different essay I have to write and get done to another but different deadline.

Fun!
(there are photos but they aren’t uploading fast enough for this post)

Well, I’m in bed, just preparing to go to sleep in preparation for the second leg of the journey to World Fantasy con. We’re flying with a stopover in Dubai this time to see what happens when you break up the trip.

I stayed up last night since the taxi was booked for 3.30am. My mum very generously let me and the puppy keep her awake, first finishing off reading for the short story comp I was judging (I read 185 short stories in a week.  I will never ever do that again. Ever) and then watching some Dexter. I dropped off to sleep a couple of times but mostly was awake and ready to go. After the cab arrived and he was able to deal with my three suitcases, we swung past Jonathan’s house and then headed to the airport.

Ahhh there is nothing quite like those bright fluorescent nauseating lights of the early hour airport is there? We’d both been stressing about various things to do with this flight but we checked in 4 bags with not even a blink of an eye from the check in desk and we were able to check the bags through to Toronto. Then we headed off for coffee and waiting at the gate. We’d found out that the flight was not full but after we boarded, the flight attendants came round and told everyone there was so much room on the plane you could sit anywhere you like. It turned out basically everyone on the plane got their own row. I quickly abandoned Jonathan after takeover for the row of 4 seats just behind us and having taken something I’d be prescribed by my doctor, went to sleep for 5 hours and 2 more hours of dozing.

I feel like we hit the holy grail of travel. I’d been quite worried about travelling with this back issue that has reared its head in the last week. I’ve had a neck issue since April. And mostly that’s to do with desk job work and peering at computer screens for long periods of time and developing bad posture. If I don’t go to the physio every week,  my neck seizes up and I lose mobility. It’s happening now even after I visit the physio but with the exercises she’s given me and heat packs and so on, I’m able to manage it down from immobile. Basically we think it’s stress and once the wedding is done, we hope to make proper recovery. But this past week I’ve been developing something in my lower back. I think it’s freezing up with lack of movement – it’s the worst in the morning when I wake up. And I suspect I’ve worked too hard this last fortnight so I’m sleeping too deeply and not moving enough in my sleep. The back seems to get less sore throughout the day with movement. And hence, I’m a bit worried about the sitting on planes this week. It wasn’t great after today’s flight but I think being able to lie down made a big difference. (I’m also travelling with those heat packs you can get which are adhesive and warm up after you stick them on you? They are great).

Anyway. We got to Dubai and escaped the hideous experience that is LAX for once. A lovely man met us for the tour thing we’d organised which is basically stayover at a hotel and transfers covered by the airline. He directed us through passport control etc and CUSTOMS GAVE OUT PRESENTS. They gave everyone boxes of chocolates. Seriously. I mean, in LAX you practically get repeatedly body cavity searched walking in and out of rooms. This was NO COMPARISON.

The hotel is not fab. It’s ok. We’re here for the day and we took a brief walk in the 35 degree heat to vaguely glimpse some of the Dubai skyline off in the dusty distance. And we mostly sat and chatted and began the big long industry conversation that we will get to have from now til home time. I LOVE it. And yes, I have already taken notes and ideas are brewing.

FUN

Happy to finish the top of the first of three in this series. Looking forward to starting the second but might have to wait til after WFC as my head isn’t quite in a place to cut fabric!

So, I know this is going to sound super sensitive. But that’s actually because, on this issue, I kind of am. And I know it’s probably been intended as harmless fun but sometimes context makes it less so.

There’s a blog post. It’s “hilarious” apparently if you have kids. It’s SO HILARIOUS if you have kids, you feel some need to send it to me. And laugh (at me?) as you do it. No joke, this link has been sent to me *a lot* in the last day and a bit. It’s titled “Are you Ready to have kids” and it’s here, if you live under a rock, or aren’t me and haven’t been bombarded with it.

So. Newsflash. People who don’t have kids *do* actually have an idea of what it entails to have kids. Many people who don’t have kids in fact, don’t have kids for those very reasons listed (and are probably laughing at and not with those who are passing the link along). As a 36 and a lot year old woman, who has not yet had kids, it’s probably quite clear that I don’t do things accidentally and in fact plan quite a lot of my life down to things like contraception. In, in fact, think quite long and hard about things before I go ahead and do them. On top of this, I watch a lot of television – television can be very educational. In fact, often it’s quite hilarious to use items on that list as amusing scenes about having kids. Oh really? You don’t get sleep with a newborn? Fuck me. It’s like I never knew that!

But here’s the reason why I’m supersensitive about it. I do want to have kids. And being ready for it or not is no longer the point for me. I’m going to be 37 very soon. And you know what? My odds of falling pregnant naturally have been halving every ovulation (yup I used a term related to female reproduction, go me) since I was 35. Last October I was given medical advice that if I didn’t get onto it like yesterday, it might already be too late. So “being ready for it”? Fuck off, that’s not part of the luxury I get to have about right now. My window? It’s sliding shut and I’m running towards it in slow motion and kinda crossing my fingers that I get there in time to wedge it open.

But I don’t know how that story is going to unfold yet. I have actually never tried to fall pregnant so I don’t know if I’m good at it/ am capable of doing it. And I’m getting married soon. So … obviously this is part of what’s going on for me right now. And … you know. I don’t know if that’s going to be something that I talk about here or not.

But I’d really really appreciate people not laughing in my face about how hard the reward might be when I don’t know if I’m going to be able to have it yet.

Oh my goodness what a day. We (the puppy and I) slept in nice and late this morning and then I finally made myself breakfast buttermilk pancakes! Yay. My coffee though is terrible. I really should toss out all the stuff in my freezer for being too old and stale and not replace it since I’m thinking of giving up coffee whilst in North America. Why be disappointed constantly rather than just enjoy some other beverage. Bleurgh.

Anyway. I managed to work a good long day and tackle the email mountain – it’s not at zero but a respectable 35 from 115 and I’ll pay that. Got a few behind the scenes stuff done and started working through short stories I’m judging. I also started packing for World Fantasy con and drove to Terri’s to pick up suitcases for schlepping of stock.

And then there was this exciting announcement:

Twelfth Planet Press announces acquisition of the science fiction novel Trucksong by Melbourne writer Andrew Macrae.

In a post-apocalyptic Australian landscape dominated by free-wheeling cyborgs, a young man goes in search of his lost lover who has been kidnapped by a rogue AI truck – the Brumby King.

Along the way, he teams with Sinnerman, an independent truck with its own reasons for hating the Brumby King.

Before his final confrontation with the brumbies, he must learn more about the broken-down world and his own place in it, and face his worst fears.

This genre-bending work of literary biopunk mixes the mad fun of Mad Max II with the idiosyncratic testimony of works like Peter Carey’s True History of the Kelly Gang or Irvine Welsh’s Trainspotting.

Pretty good day all up.

Yesterday, I was help up leaving work and so I missed my usual train. To distract myself while I waited, I could up on a TED talk a work friend had pointed out to me. It was so engaging, that I actually missed my stop and had to get off at Mandurah and get on another train back to my stop. Here it is, it’s important!

Also, for Tansy – it has Wonder Woman in it.

Today I did wedding things. I guess decisions are on track. I dunno.

I’ve got a huge amount of work to get done before heading off for World Fantasy. I wish I had more time to sit down and record what’s going on this year – it feels like this is the busiest and most productive year I’ve had, at least in the last decade, and I feel like I’ve been working through a lot of stagnant points in my life this year. Of course, that then means I have almost no time to sit down and think about it all. Maybe next year, I guess.

Boring list of what I did today, to remind myself I’m moving forwards:

• popped out to the shops to buy celebratory cake!
• 4 loads of laundry
• cleared dining table for weekly review
• grocery shop (ahem, unpacked the groceries when the Coles man delivered them)
• started sorting my books in the study bookcases
• unpacked one more random box of crap
• sorted through the week’s accumulation of receipts and papers and flotsam
• finished final copy edits on 2 short stories and sent to the proofers
• baked banana bread
• cleaned the kitchen
• sorted through the box of 1 year of receipts – part of the Getting Things Done backlog
• made a quiche
• worked on website and newsletter
• worked on copyedits for A Trifle Dead

I’m glad I wrote that list because I am getting to the point in the night where I start to get upset that I didn’t get anything done. I bet C does not miss that!

I lost about 2 or 3 weeks to setting up the Getting Things Done stuff – going through stuff at home and deciding what it was and what had to happen to it, setting up a new filing and storage system, assigning things to places in the house, writing proper to do lists. Stuff that I used to be really good at – like 6 or 8 house moves ago. But it’s been worth the getting behind in TPP work to do that because I had forgotten something really key – it’s not only much easier to keep up with the current things when you have systems and places for things, and it not only saves you time in no longer having to look for things when you want them again, but being able to deal with things as they come in, even though you still have backlog, stops the increase in backlog of clutter. And then, every time you find time to work on going through and sorting backlog, you can see that you actually are starting to win. It becomes so much easier to work on backlog too – all the clear spaces that you created last week *have remained clear* because new crap that comes in gets dealt with on the spot or through the weekly review. And it’s much easier to deal with small piles of current crap than 3 year old stuff.

I’m not yet up to date and I’ve not yet mastered the weekly review. But that can take 3 months or so. I am though enjoying all the benefits that are already showing up. I’m getting better at planning things and being ready for things when they happen. And together with learning how to spot red flags in the 12 week body transformation, I’m starting to learn how to handle myself. So for example, the banana bread and the quiche I made today was portioned up and frozen in meal size serves. Now, as I run out the door in the mornings this week, I have breakfast covered and some lunches. No excuse to spend money frivolously or to eat more than my allocated calories. And I don’t have to think about it in the middle of the rush that is my week.

I woke up this morning to hear that Tansy won The Washington SF Association Award for “The Patrician” from Love and Romanpunk! The win was announced this morning (last night their time) at Capclave. Tansy and I had made a deal regarding cake and so this morning, I hopped out to the local cake shop near my place and bought this:

I’ll take the rest in to work tomorrow where there will be much enjoyment of free cake

We’ve decided to have celebratory cake as a thing. When we went to Amelia’s leaving party the other week, her housemate baked her a cake and muffins to make the final 30 000+ words she’d written to finish her second book whilst here. (The muffins were for the “+” – 1 cake per 30 000 words). And there were candles and singing “Happy novel” and I thought how great it was to have some kind of ceremony to stop and go “hey, no matter what happens, I did this thing here.” And I really like that. And so … cake.

And I think the cake act will be marking a few more achievement moments along the way from now on. I just have to figure out how to do a low calorie version.

I’ve had so much going on lately I feel like I am constantly running. This year is a bit out there like that. I think next year I’d like to not have to make decisions. Or at least, not decisions where either outcome is perfectly fine – like, do you want this table here … or like this over here? Or, what colour tablecloths? Or what time should coffee be served etc etc. You have to make so many decisions and I feel like taking positions on half of them seems like more effort than just not having had to decide at all. On the other hand, I worry that I’m being too laid back about it all and I’ll regret not having cared so much about this later. Like that I don’t tend to actually enjoy being in the moment. Or something.

Yesterday I went for my fitting for my wedding dress for alterations. And now it looks like *my* dress – it’s been shortened (with pins) and taken in here and there and what have you. And. Wow! That’s MY WEDDING DRESS. It’s really surreal. And I went in at the crack of Saturday morning and there were brides and friends of brides swarming all over the place. It’s just the oddest thing – life, I guess. Where you end up sharing these momentous points in your life, like getting married or having a baby or whatever, with other people who at this point in their lives and that’s what bonds you. And I dunno. It’s weird. Anyway, the dressmaker was lovely and clearly knew exactly what she was doing, which was reassuring. And then she told me her life story which was fascinating.

I also took a visit to the celebrant and lodged our paperwork and made all the ceremony decisions (well most of them.) So … I think we’re really getting married. It’s all so very odd. You spend so long doing that whole singles and dating and in and out of relationships and whatever and then to finally meet someone who you want to spend the rest of your life with and who wants to do the same with you – it’s really still very hard to get my head around. Like … oh wait? I can actually talk about wanting to have children and a family with you? I can actually talk about making plans for two years down the track? So very weird.

And so very lovely.

I could tell you about all the things I meant to do today and will be having a mad dash to tick off after I post this. I could tell you about the lovely pop in I did at lunch to Stefen’s Books – hey Grill’d has moved in to that end of Shafto Lane and my it’s suddenly a pumping spot! – I bought The Casual Vacancy. And I’m going to have to finish it before I head off to Canada as it’s not a pocket book.

Instead though, I’ll show you the quilting project that’s been absorbing my attention in the last week or so.

I’ve not quite decided the placement of the log cabins, I’m still playing around with them. I fell in love with this fabric line called “Nightshade” which you can see as the centre cameo. And then over at the Fat Quarters Shop they have a thing where bloggers team up different fabric lines with plains and other fabrics and so that’s how there are those old men’s smoking lounge fabrics here. I kinda thought it worked more in the online photo than when they arrived and I’ve been playing around with them to make them work. The first thing I did when I couldn’t get it to work was take it to my mother who unfortunately also agreed with me that they didn’t work so we came up with the idea of splitting them into smaller pieces.. I actually fell in love with this series in the purple version and with the pirate female cameo. So that is the next one after this one. And I’m hoping to make a series of three faces to hang as a wall hanging series.

What I like the most is – it’s quick to sew! When you hand piece, you get used to projects taking a really long time. When my mother suggested just the face and 8 or 12 log cabins as a finished work I thought, “Am I *allowed* to do that?” Which is so me – always with the big extravagant, * complicated* projects that are hard to stay focussed and committed to. So the challenges here are to:

1. use the fabric almost as soon as it arrived and not have it be absorbed into the stash aka fabric collection

2. complete the project quickly for instant enjoyment feedback

3. make the fabric combinations *work* (I didn’t get as many faces to work with as I had hoped because of how my yards were cut)

And I’m enjoying playing round with log cabins. Bit of a step away from the 3D stars

Today I farewelled Amelia – the really serious, definitely goodbye goodbye. She hops on a plane tomorrow. It was very sad but she left me the kind of gift you get from a really good friend who believes in you – a kick up the bum. I kinda really needed it too. And to prove that it worked, I went from thinking I’d end up having wasted the day, with tooling around on a new quilting project and rearranging C’s books in his bookcase (I stare at them on the treadmill and their all over the placeness bothers me) to after I said goodbye coming home and making two soups and a risotto dinner, packaging up 13 meals for the coming week, doing all the dishes in the kitchen, two loads of laundry and getting myself a little bit better placed for the week. I’m a bit more energised to get back to all the various projects I’m working on. And hopefully I’ll make serious ground this week on them.

Last week was a bit of a disaster for the 12wbt programme. I put on some weight when C was home. He knows all my food weaknesses and he likes to spoil me. And I spoiled him with pizza night etc. And then I didn’t really feel like cooking after he left. I managed to get back to the running programme this weekend, pulled out the treadmill a couple of times. Since I have to decide what I’m doing with the rental of it at the end of this month, I figure I’d like to see if I can get into a nice routine with it or not. And now that I have a few meals all portioned out in the freezer, it should be much better this week. I’ve gotten to the point now where I can really feel in my body if I’ve eaten less optimally. I miss the greens if I don’t get them and I can feel the tiredness, the lethargy and the bleurgness if I have too much processed foods. I’m really happy about that as it kicks me back to really fresh, clean foods again. And I have to say, I’m surprised by how much energy and how strong I feel on eating such pathetic looking things as leaves! I do like being in control of what is in the food I eat but the whole thing really only works if I’m super organise and preplanned and aware of how I am – if I can’t grab it on the way out the door in the morning, it won’t happen. And I don’t really want to cook dinner every night of the week fresh. So I’m learning how to cook up and freeze and it works.

Time for Monday again. Already. This week I’m looking forward to attending my uncle’s book launch and in finalising (please!) the details of the catering etc with the reception venue. That’d be a nice big thing to tick off the to do list.

I suspect if I don’t post a post tonight, I might just end up not getting round to getting back into the habit of blogging, and I really want to. Half the problem is I’m trying to fit so much into every day and every week that I don’t have any time to either write or to sit down and reflect on things to write. And the other half of the problem is I still don’t really know what this blog is for anymore. Someone once told me, and I’m paraphrasing, that they were no longer going to read my blog because I was no longer sad and problem ridden and thus not interesting/had nothing to learn from any more. Which … yeah … clearly this threw me since I still remember it. Am I worth reading if all I post is happy, life appreciating things? Is anyone interested in photos and updates of the craft I’m working on or the boring life habits I’m finessing? If I only talk about the publishing projects I’m working on, then I’m a boring pr outlet and that’s not interesting. Work is always a no go. And wedding details are for after the event.

So you see the dilemma.

I’m just back from a really lovely mellow evening of friends and people just met as we celebrated Amelia Beamer and then farewelled her on her next chapter. She’s been here for a good half a year and it’s been utterly a pleasure. I shall be very sad that she is no longer in the suburb over. But it has been a worthwhile time well spent all the same. I shall miss her dearly.

I got to hang with friends which was lovely too. I’ve said goodbye to C this week. He’s been and gone already. We had a lovely 10 days of – wow are you really here? – and then – it’s like you never left – and then – and now you’re going again, really? He’ll be back right before the wedding which I think will be surreal – a week home, then we get married and then we go on holidays together. He came home and fixed a bunch of things, ate a lot of food, had to share the foxtel and then left. I’ve spent the rest of the week putting things back in their place and thinking about how much better I understand that whole Fly In Fly Out (FIFO they call it here) relatinship thing now. The whole – you’ve not been here for months and this is how I do/like things/this is the routine and they are all – but it’s my house and I live here and I make decisions too. It’s an odd thing. And I can’t say I really liked it. I had a very sad and heavy heart though as I exited the airport and realised I was on my own again. There’s pros (I have the foxtel back again) and cons (everything else) but ultimately, the long distance thing? I can’t say that I love it.

The wedding plans though move onwards. I realised a couple of months ago the thing. People were saying that I didn’t seem that excited – I’m excited about marrying C but I’m not having orgasms about all the stupid little decisions people seem to think are required for planning a wedding. I’m not interested in creating work or jobs to do. I really have enough on my plate. But someone said to me in passing that she loved planning her wedding because it was the first big project she’d ever gotten to do. And I realised that’s why I don’t have that whole high, buzz thing going on. This isn’t my first big project. And it’s also why I don’t have that whole panic freak out thing going on either. I already know that you can plan shit down to the details but things will go wrong on the day. You might lose friends and make enemies about stupid things that can’t be taken back or undone. And you will have to compromise on your vision in order to deliver. And also, I have my eye on the ball – I’m all about the bit where we get *married*. I know that people will judge me no matter what I do and that I won’t be able to please everyone. I already did all this jazz. I’m good. I know that project management is lists and schedules and ticking things off and oiling the squeaky wheel. And no matter what happens, the day will be here soon enough and it will be lovely.

eh

Last week my wedding dress arrived. The one I’m going to wear on the day. And I went to try it on – it’s the one I ordered, so that’s nice. And it needs to be taken in. That’s nice too. I did have that moment. I was standing on the little block, with my dress all poofed out and the assistant had popped out to go get something, and I looked up and saw myself, in the white dress and realised, this is me, in the white dress. The moment. And my heart skipped a beat. It was nice. And then I moved on, made decisions and got out of there!

I’m looking forward to it don’t get me wrong. I’m just fascinated by the whole industry and the manufacturing and corporatisation and monetisation of love, I guess.

And at the end of the month, I’ll be at World Fantasy Con. That’s weird to wrap my head around. This year is going by so fast.