Champagne and Socks

In my day job life, one of the things you’re encouraged to do is identify skillsets you want to develop or information you feel you need to learn, then you look out for courses or workshops for these and apply for funding to attend these. (Approval for that is getting thin on the ground as economic times get tougher.) Makes sense though to constantly be upskilling and expanding your knowledge, especially as you tend to get moved around a lot and can end up in areas not quite playing to your original expertise. It’s actually considered to be unhelpful for promotion if you haven’t done some education and personal development.

With Twelfth Planet Press, I’ve been looking for mentors for several years to offer guidance and advice to navigate me. (I’m very envious of the multitude of courses and workshops offered to writers to hone their skills. There’s so little, as none, available that I’ve seen for publishers.) It’s been quite hard to find appropriate mentors – small press is a small crowd, people move on and the industry is in high flux. I’ve been very lucky to find the mentors I have done and they have been invaluable to me. But I definitely struggle to find advice for both the publishing side of the business and also for the publishing business side of things. These don’t really have much to do with learning about quality writing, networking, editing or production. And I don’t really have the time to suddenly switch out and do an MBA for my small business on the side just so I can learn about accounting and business development. Of course… how else do you learn these kinds of things? And if you don’t learn them, how can you do them successfully?

At World Fantasy Con I was really fortunate to be able to spend quality time with a lot of different people talking about, and getting advice on, publishing and small press. Because my big question is, how do you take a small press and grow it into a viable bigger one? There are examples of small presses that have done this. How you do it in the current environment is probably a different question altogether. It was a bit of a theme for me at this convention and I had some really stimulating conversations about it. I came away quite depressed, to be honest, but not because it can’t be done.

This year for me personally has involved a lot of personal development. There’s been a lot of non fiction reading, a lot of online courses I’ve signed up for and a lot of interesting podcasts I’ve been subscribing to. I feel like there has been a lot of thinking and mulling over and assimilating of information in my head this year and it’s been brewing for a while so that I’ve been unable to write about it as I’ve been doing it because I’m not at the end of the process yet.

Recently, I’ve been reading Tribal Leadership – the title perhaps sounds more nefarious than it actually is. It’s been a really interesting read in terms of looking at teams or groups of people and why they work or they don’t work. And it’s led to a whole heap of understanding about me, my values and Twelfth Planet Press and the people associated with it.

What I’ve come to understand is that often you get a bad feeling about a person or a situation that you can’t really verbalise. Or you get stuck in a situation (for me this is often a work situation) where you get depressed and begin to hate going or hate yourself and you can’t quite figure out why. And that what’s going on is you are doing something that doesn’t align with your personal values.

I wanted to start putting in place some of the things I’m reading about in this book – I think TPP definitely operates by a set of core values. I’ve realised that this is what people mean when they say something is or is not a TPP book (something that stuck out for me when slush readers read my novel manuscript submissions and when writers submit work saying “I think this is a TPP work” and it totally is). It’s not just a “branding” thing. It’s not a particular sub genre thing. It’s something else entirely. Up til now, I think that the navigation has been gut feel. And that’s not necessarily wrong. It’s just unstructured

So I signed up for a 21 day leadership course with Culture Sync which I found via the website affiliated with the book. Yes, I don’t technically have 21 days before my wedding etc but I’m up to day 5 and so far its been really enlightening. I’m really enjoying it – it’s at times confronting and really interesting to realise “oh hey, that’s fundamentally important to who I am”. I’m really excited by the idea of knowing in words what your core values are and being cool about making yes or no decisions about other things based on something being a value of yours or not. It suddenly makes me feel less guilty about all the good pieces of fiction I’ve rejected that didn’t “feel like they were TPP”. It’s a sudden way of categorising things into something other than “good or bad”. Something can still be good but just not fit with what we are doing, because it is doing something else entirely. And it’s also really exciting to know you are doing a particular thing; that you are working on a whole that will be greater than the sum of its parts and that is moving in a particular direction.

The most important realisation I’ve had so far is that what got me down in the discussions I was having at WFC relates to something being very much in conflict with my core values. That I don’t have to try and be X (especially when I don’t want to) because that is not what we, TPP, are. And that’s totally ok. It suddenly lifted a weight off my shoulders. And to be fair, this realisation is not anything different to what several of my close friends were saying to me at the con itself as I was experiencing it in real time. But you know that thing where hearing something is very different to feeling it or really knowing it yourself? Yeah, well it took me a month longer than everyone else but I get it now. And everything is gonna be ok

Today’s tea: Camomile- T2  Star Rating: 5 out of 5

Today’s craft project: Ravi Cardigan in Aubergenius by Blue Moon Fibre Arts

Well. I had a bit of a horrible day. C got up early and headed out to what I really hope is the last week of weekly sailing. I got up not long after, got ready, sorted out the puppy and headed out the door. I got to the bus stop and remembered I’d forgotten my phone so headed back and got that and then realised I’d forgotten my lunch just as the bus pulled up. All good. Got to the train station, hopped on a train. All good. I caught up on the twitter and the emails and then put away my phone and looked out the window. I started feel very sleepy and did that thing where you just close your eyes for a bit.

And then as we were pulling in to Murdoch station, I began to feel very unwell. That sudden sweatiness and needing to lie down feeling. I thought I’d get off at that station and see what happened but as I stood up I had that claminess and started to see stars and realised I was going to pass out. Thank goodness I was able to get off the train and sit down. I put my head between my legs and just stayed like that for about 6 minutes. I really really wanted to lie down on the station platform but even in such a state, the phobia says no (ew germs!) By the time the train heading in the opposite direction arrived, the feeling of fainting had passed and I got on and headed home, texting my boss that I didn’t think I would be in and explained why.

I think this happened cause I was in terrible pain – as a result of having to take the anti inflammatories for my back (two weeks ago) my Crohn’s Disease has had a flareup triggered. Up until now, it’s been just indigestion and nausea which I’ve dealt with by pulling back on the spicy food. Yesterday though, I had crippling stomach cramps. I spent much of the day in bed and really struggled to move around and stand and whatnot. Today was the same and I’d thought I could just push through, take painkillers at work, but I didn’t get there in time. The worst of it is that the painkillers tend to exacerbate some of these symptoms so it’s all really annoying.

And the moral of the story? The back issue – which got so bad that two Mondays ago I hobbled into work barely able to walk and got sent home and meant that I finally needed to take meds that I know trigger Crohns to deal with the inflammation – is something that cannot be ignored. The injury came about from sitting. Yup that’s right, it’s a pathetic injury from not doing enough exercise. I inflamed a joint in back from bloody sitting! And what’s annoying is that I’d had a conversation with writers who know that sitting is a serious work place hazard for this kind of work and I kinda brushed it off. After all … I’m not writing so RSI or sitting issues doesn’t affect me. Honestly, I even irritate myself with the way I think sometimes.

My day job is mostly a desk job. My last two jobs before this one both had some field work in it. It didn’t really seem like all that much field work but it’s possible even that was enough to just mix up my routine. Now I basically have a desk job for 7.5 hours a day and, to speed things up cause I’m always looking to find time in my day, I tend to work through lunch a lot. So I sit all day. I sit on the train to and from work. And then I come home and work at my latop for maybe 5 hours a night. And for WFC I sat for 40 hours on plane trips recently.

So yeah. I hurt my back. The moral of the story is … be kind to yourself and look after your workspace habits. As a result, I requested a standing desk at work. I didn’t get one but I’ve been given a temporary solution and I’ve been making sure I stand for an hour and then sit for an hour alternately all day. And guess what? Back issue fixed within days. I also schedule in 15 minute walks twice a day to break up the hours of possible inactivity. And when I say “schedule” they are in my phone calendar to remind me.

The other moral of the story is … my back issue was the worst on the Sunday before last and then this Sunday I had this other issue. Both leading to having to call in sick on a Monday. It has not escaped me that Sunday is the only day lately I have a proper day off. And I’m assuming this is my body telling me to Slow The Hell Down. It’s not really going to happen in the near future – we have our wedding in 20 days (!!) and much to do before that and I’ve just discovered that I have to apply for a job next week, which I’m still debating whether I have the mental energy to even do. So … My eye is on the honeymoon ball. And all the Not Working that I will be doing over that. I’m supposed to have closed down Twelfth Planet Press 3 days ago with my personal promise to take off Dec and Jan but .. well, yeah. I’m still mopping up and sorting a few things but that will slowly grind to a halt, I’m hoping by the 14th.

Today’s Tea: Madagascan vanilla, drunk black, one sugar, Stars 4 out of 5

Today’s Craft Project: Ravi Cardigan in Aubergenius by Blue Moon Fibre Arts

It’s taken me a long time – about a year – of soul searching to finally come to this place. But it’s time. I’ve decided to close ASif! at the end of this year. This is a project that I have felt passionate about from conception and over the last 8 years. I’ve enjoyed working with everyone who has ever been involved and I’ve met so many people and formed many firm, life long friendships through ASif!

In 2004, we set out to build a review website to focus on and highlight Australian speculative fiction and to offer a place of honest critical review to support our local scene. ASif! achieved these goals. After 8 years, the principals of this project are now looking to direct our energies into other activities in continue to build and grow the Australian SF/F scene. And for this, we walk away proud of what we created.

ASif! will close as of 31/12/2012, with old reviews remaining available for now. Thank you to everyone who has volunteered their time, financially supported the project or supplied us with review materials. Thank you to everyone for your support and encouragement along the way. I encourage anyone interested in discovering our scene, or in meeting Australian writers, editors, publishers and publicists, or in learning how to start up a publishing venture to consider starting their own critical project. For now, it’s time for ASif! to step off the Australian stage.

Farewell. And thank you.

Alisa Krasnostein

Executive Director, ASif! Australian Specfic in Focus!

This is a couple of things in one – multi list ticking!

I decided I wanted to have a knitting project to take on our honeymoon. Sometimes I feel very industrious on the plane. Sometimes I feel over tired and need something to keep me focused. And I also feel like, as well as the site seeing and the hanging out with C, I want to do a few things that just make me happy – after a whirlwind year (of awesome) in which I haven’t really felt like I’ve had a lot of time to do downtime things, like knitting.

Coupled with this, earlier this year I bought a copy of The Knitter’s Life List and had a skim read. Something I really was taken aback by was that I’ve been knitting for over 30 years and whilst I love what I have made, I’ve actually not been as adventurous a I might think I have in terms of my knitting. I taught myself to knit socks with double pointed needles. I’ve made some shawls. I’ve knit in the round and so on. But here’s this big book of things that actually I’ve not even thought about trying. And it encouraged me – yes via the favourite tool of a tick-off-able list – a whole bunch of new ideas of things to go out and look for and try. These include trying new patterns as well as different textiles.

I’ve been on the lookout for these so I can tick them off my list, trying them out first, of course! And I came across this little KAL (Knit A-Long) with a partnering with my favourite yarn dyers – Blue Moon Fiber Arts (ie discount voucher) – Sartorial Cowl. Basically, the idea is you get a clue – or part of the pattern – each week and you knit along and find out what you were knitting at the end. Sounds like heaps of fun. It usually takes so long for the yarn to reach me that mostly the KAL has finished by the time I can start. And so it has again this time. But that’s ok.

I don’t think this is a usual pattern for me. Firstly, it’s a different yarn from what I normally buy from Blue Moon – this is a superfine merino in a bulky weight. When I was browsing the site for colours I thought I might like, I came across this one, called The Kracken, and knew that was the one I had to have!

I’m not normally into cowls – I’ve not knit one before but they always struck me as well .. headbands for your neck or something. So… not something I’ve knit before and in a yarn I’ve not tried. Seems to tick some boxes. And then it seemed small enough a project for a short trip and then I could wear it on said trip too. Seemed like a win all round.

The yarn arrived today and I’m so tempted to knit it now. And I would have started tonight if I wasn’t still working on my first cardigan which I am hoping to have finished to take with me as well.

So, dear reader, I have a problem. I like to buy tea. Not drink tea, mind, just buy it. And this little oddity is fine when you live alone. You rarely have to even acknowledge it. A friend may come to visit and you can pull out All The Teas, and they can feel a little bit special as they get to select from The Range. And that’s the end of it.

But when you live with someone else, eventually they Notice. And then, once they’ve noticed, they start to take notes. And then, after a while, They Ask Questions. Questions like, “how on earth can you need MORE tea?” and “don’t you already have that kind?” and finally … “BUT YOU DON’T EVEN DRINK TEA!!!” this one is more a loud statement than a question and is usually made as said person is juggling packets and packets of tea as they tumble out of the pantry whilst he tries to put away your new acquisition.

Because. You see, dear reader, I would *like* to be the kind of person who drinks tea. There. I said it. That other version of me? The one who cooks delicious gourmet soufflés in her ramekins and always offers to bring a dish to dinner and never ever has a dirty cup waiting in the sink and always remembers her third cousin twice removed’s wedding anniversary and doesn’t need prompting for the 63rd item on her to do list to get done? She drinks tea. And has a perfect complexion and figure. And you like her more than me.

And it might be because she drinks tea.

Or it might be because she calmly sits on her window seat on a Sunday afternoon sipping said tea out of a fine bone china tea cup whilst thumbing through Vogue and glancing out to her perfectly manicured garden.

Sigh.

One of my 2013 New Year’s Resolutions is going to revolve around this issue. I think I should either rediscover my love for *drinking* tea, find a perfect way to store the 30 different boxes of tea I own or admit once and for all that I don’t actually drink tea, gift what I have and move on with my life. There. There it is, my first NYR for 2013.

You know, the reason I started a blog in the very first place was to make sure that I wrote *something* every day.

I really want to capture my thoughts and feelings as I enter this last month before I am a married woman. And yet, I can never get myself to sit down and think these things through to write a post or I feel like I don’t even know where I would start. And mostly, I actually just don’t seem to have any spare time these days.

But I am gearing up to make my new years resolutions list early this year. I kinda do have some goals I’d like to set myself for 2013 but I also am interested to see how I use the Getting Things Done framework to … get these things done.

Today is Black Friday in the US and it seems to have hit my pocket! So I am off the internet now to avoid any more tempting emailed newsletters!

As I was returning to my everyday life after the whirlwind WFC trip to Canada, I got news that C’s program had changed and that he was heading home much much sooner than planned. In fact, a whole month early. And I went to pick him up from the base on Sunday.

That didn’t go quite as planned. C told me that I my name was on the list for permission to head onto the island and that he was arrived at 2pm. So I headed over at 1.30pm so that I could be standing on the wharf and watch the ship come in. Except, when I got to the security checkpoint, I was not on the list. Nope. Not. There. And the only way to get entry was to get someone to call from the ship. I hung around DM Tweeting C and also calling and messaging his phone but I knew there wasn’t much point by the time it was 1.45pm as he would have been on deck in formation for arrival. So I went back to my car and tried to cry in a way that the security guard wouldn’t see. And cars and cars of families and significant others drove past and through. They were on the list. And maybe I cried a bit more. And then at about 1.55pm, I think, the guard came out and said that a Petty Officer on the ship had sponsored me to come on base. Just like that. I don’t even know how he knew that there were people who should have been on the list but weren’t (there were more than just me, apparently) or how he managed to contact them. But suddenly I was through!

And then it was quite a drive to the wharf, and I didn’t really know the way, and by the time I parked and headed to the right wharf, the ship was in and they were setting up the gangplank. And then there was C waving at me and smiling and I thought, “phew, I made it!” And the officers came off first and there he was. In living colour.

And now he is home! For like, a while. For various reasons. And …  after having gotten used to living by myself, and creating my own routine and ways to cope and get everything done, suddenly I have my partner back. It’s an adjustment. It really is. It’s weird. I’d been handling myself to cope with the whole lead up to the wedding by myself. And now I don’t have to. I’d been saying it was all fine and I was ok, because with a month left to go, you can’t lose it. But Friday night, I watched my (now routine) rom com and I cried over how lonely I was and how much I missed C. Because I knew he was coming home on Sunday

It’s weird getting used to having someone else to share the chores with again. And also, you settle into things being the way you want them to, with no need to have to compromise with anyone else. And then suddenly someone else is around who has *opinions* and *possessions*. And now … just like that, he’s here for the foreseeable future, like that whole living apart thing was just a dream.

Really weird.

But really really awesome.

Not only for the current obvious reason, am I very interested in following what’s been going on lately in publishing.

As we hit the ground in Canada, the merger between Penguin and Random House was being announced and it was certainly a topic of conversation for the week long we were there. For small press publishing, I could sit down and look at how this is probably a good thing, in the short term. But in general, I feel quite depressed about the state of publishing – things are grim right now, there’s no pretending they aren’t.

Why the merger and what does it mean? Here is the final wrap up from Seattle Pi in their article A Merger in Publishing – and then there were five:

In the end, what does this merger mean for writers (and readers)? Will the Bertelsmann Foundation’s sink-or-swim economic stance bleed over into the realm of literature? Will Random House/Penguin, now in control of more than a quarter of the entire book market, stick to a bottom line that reduces the supply of ideas while increasing its intellectual price? Will Random House/Penguin, increasingly free from serious competition, no longer feel a need to invest in writers with new ideas, new concepts, new ways of interpreting the world?

Like all things involving dead trees, the new chapter has been prompted in large part by the march of the digital giants, including Amazon, Apple and Google. The print publishers hope their merging of resources will leave them better placed to cope with the onset of the ebook era.

‘In the short term, I don’t see much changing for readers. The battle between retailers and publishers is always about price – the former want lower and the latter want higher. Choice might be affected adversely as there will be fewer publishers to fight over new writers and subsequently fewer risks might be taken by the publisher.

‘However, the book industry is fundamentally healthy in that people want to read and for the right handful of books they will read in big numbers.

This blog crossposts to my old Livejournal account. Livejournal seems to be under spamming attack and it’s kinda annoying. I’ve had to switch to allowing only comments from friends on my Livejournal account.

But commenting to my WordPress account is still open to anyone – so please feel free to do so over here.

I intended to post about my trip daily. You know, like, as it happened. For like, documentational purposes. And since you’re reading this, you know I failed dismally. Mostly because I was either stupidly busy (having fun or working, in equal parts) or asleep. And a lot of stuff that I thought I would post about, still requires further and more processing. Maybe later.

I made a couple of big life decisions in the last two weeks, cause you know, wasn’t doing enough of that this year. So it’s all weird and in process.

But. Thought to reduce the lack of blogging due to paralysis by analysis, I’d post snippets.

I watched a looooot of television on the planes. I had packed all kinds of entertainment, in the fear I might get bored or overtired. Trust me, me overtired and then bored? Very not pretty. On the flight to Toronto, I had a bunch of work to do, which I did. The future that brings wifi on a plane meant I even got to email versions of it to Helen and get her edits back and do that a couple of times in 13.5 hours. I worked on a website upgrade and a few of other things.

But other than that, I watched Seasons of TV. Seasons. More than one. In one go. Cause it takes nine years to get to Canada and back again. I caught up on Nurse Jackie S4, Episodes S2 and tried out Veep (meh) on the way there.

On the way home, I watched Seasons 1 and 2 of Downton Abbey (well, came two eps short of the end of Season 2.) And so. It turns out that “costume drama” is not totally yawn boooooring if the era of the clothes is one you love. This was new to me. And omg how gorgeous are the clothes and jewellery? That necklace that Mary wears to dinner, I covet muchly. Anyway, Season 2 is just a crying fest, no? It’s so tragic and heartbroken. And filled with despair. I’m sure every time Jonathan looked over at me I was sniffling into my tissues. Anyway, it’s filled with WWI stuff and I’m watching this and crying over the horror of war etc and thinking about how I hate war. I’m a pacifist. But aside from that, I can’t stand anything to do with war – fiction or non fiction. I’m not into it. At all.

And I’m marrying into the military.

And that, my friends, sums me up.

So we did the second leg to Canada. It was longer than the first. A good chunk in, I felt like we had always been on that plane. But. We had wifi, which made ALL the difference. Jonathan did some expert wangling and we had what might have been the only spare seat on the plane between us. And we were in a side section next to the crew sleeping quarters (on an A380) so the only people who annoyed me were the family behind me. We got fed lots. I got a lot of work done. I watched Season 4 of Nurse Jackie, Season 2 of Episodes and a couple of eps of Veep. In all, not bad. The food was good – oriental vegetarian is recommended.

The hotel is a looooong way out of Toronto. The cab ride in peak hour to the hotel was possibly the longest leg of the trip. And I kinda regretted opting for the cheaper hotel (well, by the time I went to upgrade, all the rooms in the other hotel were booked). Still, I spose I can feel good about saving some money and there is still Wifi. And a Starbucks in the lobby. The food in the hotel is not too bad.

After a pretty good night’s sleep – and my back is starting to feel better – I dragged myself out of bed at 7am for fear Jonathan would think me lazy (I’m pretty sure he did). After breakfast, we navigated our way into the city – a 20 min cab ride to the first stop of the subway and then another good long ride on the subway into the city. We kinda wandered around (I took one for the team and had my first salted caramel mocha in case there was free wifi. There wasn’t) and just got a feel for the place. In the rain. Cited the CN tower. And somehow managed to get ourselves to Lettuce Knits which was a pilgrimage I really really wanted to do whilst here. I’m glad to have ticked it off my list so early! It’s in a very funky little part of town called Kensington Markets and looks like it would be a lot of fun in warmer and drier weather. Then we met up with Peter Watts for lunch and had a fascinating and meandering conversation. We headed back to the hotel eventually and in time for dinner with Garth. And then the bar where I dare say the con has started to kick off.

It’s a very odd thing but I am making some rather large life changing decisions whilst running full speed on other things. A bit like whilst getting a little stressed about leaving and not quite realising it is finally WFC time, I was addressing wedding invites hours before leaving for the airport. Doing too big deal things in tandem actually really helps – you can’t quite figure out which to freak out on so you concentrate on neither.

Tomorrow – more food, more friends, more good conversation. And a different essay I have to write and get done to another but different deadline.

Fun!
(there are photos but they aren’t uploading fast enough for this post)

Well, I’m in bed, just preparing to go to sleep in preparation for the second leg of the journey to World Fantasy con. We’re flying with a stopover in Dubai this time to see what happens when you break up the trip.

I stayed up last night since the taxi was booked for 3.30am. My mum very generously let me and the puppy keep her awake, first finishing off reading for the short story comp I was judging (I read 185 short stories in a week.  I will never ever do that again. Ever) and then watching some Dexter. I dropped off to sleep a couple of times but mostly was awake and ready to go. After the cab arrived and he was able to deal with my three suitcases, we swung past Jonathan’s house and then headed to the airport.

Ahhh there is nothing quite like those bright fluorescent nauseating lights of the early hour airport is there? We’d both been stressing about various things to do with this flight but we checked in 4 bags with not even a blink of an eye from the check in desk and we were able to check the bags through to Toronto. Then we headed off for coffee and waiting at the gate. We’d found out that the flight was not full but after we boarded, the flight attendants came round and told everyone there was so much room on the plane you could sit anywhere you like. It turned out basically everyone on the plane got their own row. I quickly abandoned Jonathan after takeover for the row of 4 seats just behind us and having taken something I’d be prescribed by my doctor, went to sleep for 5 hours and 2 more hours of dozing.

I feel like we hit the holy grail of travel. I’d been quite worried about travelling with this back issue that has reared its head in the last week. I’ve had a neck issue since April. And mostly that’s to do with desk job work and peering at computer screens for long periods of time and developing bad posture. If I don’t go to the physio every week,  my neck seizes up and I lose mobility. It’s happening now even after I visit the physio but with the exercises she’s given me and heat packs and so on, I’m able to manage it down from immobile. Basically we think it’s stress and once the wedding is done, we hope to make proper recovery. But this past week I’ve been developing something in my lower back. I think it’s freezing up with lack of movement – it’s the worst in the morning when I wake up. And I suspect I’ve worked too hard this last fortnight so I’m sleeping too deeply and not moving enough in my sleep. The back seems to get less sore throughout the day with movement. And hence, I’m a bit worried about the sitting on planes this week. It wasn’t great after today’s flight but I think being able to lie down made a big difference. (I’m also travelling with those heat packs you can get which are adhesive and warm up after you stick them on you? They are great).

Anyway. We got to Dubai and escaped the hideous experience that is LAX for once. A lovely man met us for the tour thing we’d organised which is basically stayover at a hotel and transfers covered by the airline. He directed us through passport control etc and CUSTOMS GAVE OUT PRESENTS. They gave everyone boxes of chocolates. Seriously. I mean, in LAX you practically get repeatedly body cavity searched walking in and out of rooms. This was NO COMPARISON.

The hotel is not fab. It’s ok. We’re here for the day and we took a brief walk in the 35 degree heat to vaguely glimpse some of the Dubai skyline off in the dusty distance. And we mostly sat and chatted and began the big long industry conversation that we will get to have from now til home time. I LOVE it. And yes, I have already taken notes and ideas are brewing.

FUN

Happy to finish the top of the first of three in this series. Looking forward to starting the second but might have to wait til after WFC as my head isn’t quite in a place to cut fabric!

So, I know this is going to sound super sensitive. But that’s actually because, on this issue, I kind of am. And I know it’s probably been intended as harmless fun but sometimes context makes it less so.

There’s a blog post. It’s “hilarious” apparently if you have kids. It’s SO HILARIOUS if you have kids, you feel some need to send it to me. And laugh (at me?) as you do it. No joke, this link has been sent to me *a lot* in the last day and a bit. It’s titled “Are you Ready to have kids” and it’s here, if you live under a rock, or aren’t me and haven’t been bombarded with it.

So. Newsflash. People who don’t have kids *do* actually have an idea of what it entails to have kids. Many people who don’t have kids in fact, don’t have kids for those very reasons listed (and are probably laughing at and not with those who are passing the link along). As a 36 and a lot year old woman, who has not yet had kids, it’s probably quite clear that I don’t do things accidentally and in fact plan quite a lot of my life down to things like contraception. In, in fact, think quite long and hard about things before I go ahead and do them. On top of this, I watch a lot of television – television can be very educational. In fact, often it’s quite hilarious to use items on that list as amusing scenes about having kids. Oh really? You don’t get sleep with a newborn? Fuck me. It’s like I never knew that!

But here’s the reason why I’m supersensitive about it. I do want to have kids. And being ready for it or not is no longer the point for me. I’m going to be 37 very soon. And you know what? My odds of falling pregnant naturally have been halving every ovulation (yup I used a term related to female reproduction, go me) since I was 35. Last October I was given medical advice that if I didn’t get onto it like yesterday, it might already be too late. So “being ready for it”? Fuck off, that’s not part of the luxury I get to have about right now. My window? It’s sliding shut and I’m running towards it in slow motion and kinda crossing my fingers that I get there in time to wedge it open.

But I don’t know how that story is going to unfold yet. I have actually never tried to fall pregnant so I don’t know if I’m good at it/ am capable of doing it. And I’m getting married soon. So … obviously this is part of what’s going on for me right now. And … you know. I don’t know if that’s going to be something that I talk about here or not.

But I’d really really appreciate people not laughing in my face about how hard the reward might be when I don’t know if I’m going to be able to have it yet.

Oh my goodness what a day. We (the puppy and I) slept in nice and late this morning and then I finally made myself breakfast buttermilk pancakes! Yay. My coffee though is terrible. I really should toss out all the stuff in my freezer for being too old and stale and not replace it since I’m thinking of giving up coffee whilst in North America. Why be disappointed constantly rather than just enjoy some other beverage. Bleurgh.

Anyway. I managed to work a good long day and tackle the email mountain – it’s not at zero but a respectable 35 from 115 and I’ll pay that. Got a few behind the scenes stuff done and started working through short stories I’m judging. I also started packing for World Fantasy con and drove to Terri’s to pick up suitcases for schlepping of stock.

And then there was this exciting announcement:

Twelfth Planet Press announces acquisition of the science fiction novel Trucksong by Melbourne writer Andrew Macrae.

In a post-apocalyptic Australian landscape dominated by free-wheeling cyborgs, a young man goes in search of his lost lover who has been kidnapped by a rogue AI truck – the Brumby King.

Along the way, he teams with Sinnerman, an independent truck with its own reasons for hating the Brumby King.

Before his final confrontation with the brumbies, he must learn more about the broken-down world and his own place in it, and face his worst fears.

This genre-bending work of literary biopunk mixes the mad fun of Mad Max II with the idiosyncratic testimony of works like Peter Carey’s True History of the Kelly Gang or Irvine Welsh’s Trainspotting.

Pretty good day all up.

Yesterday, I was help up leaving work and so I missed my usual train. To distract myself while I waited, I could up on a TED talk a work friend had pointed out to me. It was so engaging, that I actually missed my stop and had to get off at Mandurah and get on another train back to my stop. Here it is, it’s important!

Also, for Tansy – it has Wonder Woman in it.

Today I did wedding things. I guess decisions are on track. I dunno.

I’ve got a huge amount of work to get done before heading off for World Fantasy. I wish I had more time to sit down and record what’s going on this year – it feels like this is the busiest and most productive year I’ve had, at least in the last decade, and I feel like I’ve been working through a lot of stagnant points in my life this year. Of course, that then means I have almost no time to sit down and think about it all. Maybe next year, I guess.

Boring list of what I did today, to remind myself I’m moving forwards:

• popped out to the shops to buy celebratory cake!
• 4 loads of laundry
• cleared dining table for weekly review
• grocery shop (ahem, unpacked the groceries when the Coles man delivered them)
• started sorting my books in the study bookcases
• unpacked one more random box of crap
• sorted through the week’s accumulation of receipts and papers and flotsam
• finished final copy edits on 2 short stories and sent to the proofers
• baked banana bread
• cleaned the kitchen
• sorted through the box of 1 year of receipts – part of the Getting Things Done backlog
• made a quiche
• worked on website and newsletter
• worked on copyedits for A Trifle Dead

I’m glad I wrote that list because I am getting to the point in the night where I start to get upset that I didn’t get anything done. I bet C does not miss that!

I lost about 2 or 3 weeks to setting up the Getting Things Done stuff – going through stuff at home and deciding what it was and what had to happen to it, setting up a new filing and storage system, assigning things to places in the house, writing proper to do lists. Stuff that I used to be really good at – like 6 or 8 house moves ago. But it’s been worth the getting behind in TPP work to do that because I had forgotten something really key – it’s not only much easier to keep up with the current things when you have systems and places for things, and it not only saves you time in no longer having to look for things when you want them again, but being able to deal with things as they come in, even though you still have backlog, stops the increase in backlog of clutter. And then, every time you find time to work on going through and sorting backlog, you can see that you actually are starting to win. It becomes so much easier to work on backlog too – all the clear spaces that you created last week *have remained clear* because new crap that comes in gets dealt with on the spot or through the weekly review. And it’s much easier to deal with small piles of current crap than 3 year old stuff.

I’m not yet up to date and I’ve not yet mastered the weekly review. But that can take 3 months or so. I am though enjoying all the benefits that are already showing up. I’m getting better at planning things and being ready for things when they happen. And together with learning how to spot red flags in the 12 week body transformation, I’m starting to learn how to handle myself. So for example, the banana bread and the quiche I made today was portioned up and frozen in meal size serves. Now, as I run out the door in the mornings this week, I have breakfast covered and some lunches. No excuse to spend money frivolously or to eat more than my allocated calories. And I don’t have to think about it in the middle of the rush that is my week.

I woke up this morning to hear that Tansy won The Washington SF Association Award for “The Patrician” from Love and Romanpunk! The win was announced this morning (last night their time) at Capclave. Tansy and I had made a deal regarding cake and so this morning, I hopped out to the local cake shop near my place and bought this:

I’ll take the rest in to work tomorrow where there will be much enjoyment of free cake

We’ve decided to have celebratory cake as a thing. When we went to Amelia’s leaving party the other week, her housemate baked her a cake and muffins to make the final 30 000+ words she’d written to finish her second book whilst here. (The muffins were for the “+” – 1 cake per 30 000 words). And there were candles and singing “Happy novel” and I thought how great it was to have some kind of ceremony to stop and go “hey, no matter what happens, I did this thing here.” And I really like that. And so … cake.

And I think the cake act will be marking a few more achievement moments along the way from now on. I just have to figure out how to do a low calorie version.

I’ve had so much going on lately I feel like I am constantly running. This year is a bit out there like that. I think next year I’d like to not have to make decisions. Or at least, not decisions where either outcome is perfectly fine – like, do you want this table here … or like this over here? Or, what colour tablecloths? Or what time should coffee be served etc etc. You have to make so many decisions and I feel like taking positions on half of them seems like more effort than just not having had to decide at all. On the other hand, I worry that I’m being too laid back about it all and I’ll regret not having cared so much about this later. Like that I don’t tend to actually enjoy being in the moment. Or something.

Yesterday I went for my fitting for my wedding dress for alterations. And now it looks like *my* dress – it’s been shortened (with pins) and taken in here and there and what have you. And. Wow! That’s MY WEDDING DRESS. It’s really surreal. And I went in at the crack of Saturday morning and there were brides and friends of brides swarming all over the place. It’s just the oddest thing – life, I guess. Where you end up sharing these momentous points in your life, like getting married or having a baby or whatever, with other people who at this point in their lives and that’s what bonds you. And I dunno. It’s weird. Anyway, the dressmaker was lovely and clearly knew exactly what she was doing, which was reassuring. And then she told me her life story which was fascinating.

I also took a visit to the celebrant and lodged our paperwork and made all the ceremony decisions (well most of them.) So … I think we’re really getting married. It’s all so very odd. You spend so long doing that whole singles and dating and in and out of relationships and whatever and then to finally meet someone who you want to spend the rest of your life with and who wants to do the same with you – it’s really still very hard to get my head around. Like … oh wait? I can actually talk about wanting to have children and a family with you? I can actually talk about making plans for two years down the track? So very weird.

And so very lovely.

I could tell you about all the things I meant to do today and will be having a mad dash to tick off after I post this. I could tell you about the lovely pop in I did at lunch to Stefen’s Books – hey Grill’d has moved in to that end of Shafto Lane and my it’s suddenly a pumping spot! – I bought The Casual Vacancy. And I’m going to have to finish it before I head off to Canada as it’s not a pocket book.

Instead though, I’ll show you the quilting project that’s been absorbing my attention in the last week or so.

I’ve not quite decided the placement of the log cabins, I’m still playing around with them. I fell in love with this fabric line called “Nightshade” which you can see as the centre cameo. And then over at the Fat Quarters Shop they have a thing where bloggers team up different fabric lines with plains and other fabrics and so that’s how there are those old men’s smoking lounge fabrics here. I kinda thought it worked more in the online photo than when they arrived and I’ve been playing around with them to make them work. The first thing I did when I couldn’t get it to work was take it to my mother who unfortunately also agreed with me that they didn’t work so we came up with the idea of splitting them into smaller pieces.. I actually fell in love with this series in the purple version and with the pirate female cameo. So that is the next one after this one. And I’m hoping to make a series of three faces to hang as a wall hanging series.

What I like the most is – it’s quick to sew! When you hand piece, you get used to projects taking a really long time. When my mother suggested just the face and 8 or 12 log cabins as a finished work I thought, “Am I *allowed* to do that?” Which is so me – always with the big extravagant, * complicated* projects that are hard to stay focussed and committed to. So the challenges here are to:

1. use the fabric almost as soon as it arrived and not have it be absorbed into the stash aka fabric collection

2. complete the project quickly for instant enjoyment feedback

3. make the fabric combinations *work* (I didn’t get as many faces to work with as I had hoped because of how my yards were cut)

And I’m enjoying playing round with log cabins. Bit of a step away from the 3D stars

Today I farewelled Amelia – the really serious, definitely goodbye goodbye. She hops on a plane tomorrow. It was very sad but she left me the kind of gift you get from a really good friend who believes in you – a kick up the bum. I kinda really needed it too. And to prove that it worked, I went from thinking I’d end up having wasted the day, with tooling around on a new quilting project and rearranging C’s books in his bookcase (I stare at them on the treadmill and their all over the placeness bothers me) to after I said goodbye coming home and making two soups and a risotto dinner, packaging up 13 meals for the coming week, doing all the dishes in the kitchen, two loads of laundry and getting myself a little bit better placed for the week. I’m a bit more energised to get back to all the various projects I’m working on. And hopefully I’ll make serious ground this week on them.

Last week was a bit of a disaster for the 12wbt programme. I put on some weight when C was home. He knows all my food weaknesses and he likes to spoil me. And I spoiled him with pizza night etc. And then I didn’t really feel like cooking after he left. I managed to get back to the running programme this weekend, pulled out the treadmill a couple of times. Since I have to decide what I’m doing with the rental of it at the end of this month, I figure I’d like to see if I can get into a nice routine with it or not. And now that I have a few meals all portioned out in the freezer, it should be much better this week. I’ve gotten to the point now where I can really feel in my body if I’ve eaten less optimally. I miss the greens if I don’t get them and I can feel the tiredness, the lethargy and the bleurgness if I have too much processed foods. I’m really happy about that as it kicks me back to really fresh, clean foods again. And I have to say, I’m surprised by how much energy and how strong I feel on eating such pathetic looking things as leaves! I do like being in control of what is in the food I eat but the whole thing really only works if I’m super organise and preplanned and aware of how I am – if I can’t grab it on the way out the door in the morning, it won’t happen. And I don’t really want to cook dinner every night of the week fresh. So I’m learning how to cook up and freeze and it works.

Time for Monday again. Already. This week I’m looking forward to attending my uncle’s book launch and in finalising (please!) the details of the catering etc with the reception venue. That’d be a nice big thing to tick off the to do list.