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Phew, what a day today. I dragged myself out of bed cause I stayed up too late last night reading – something I am going to repeat tonight (so close to Xmas!) – and was finally out the door at 7am instead of my usual 6.40. And I was 30 mins down the road when my car died. First the radio went. Then the indicators. Then the whole thing just suddenly lost momentum. Luckily I could pull off into the emergency lane. I checked my phone and yup, sure enough, I had 9% charge left on it. So I calmly called C and asked him to call the RAC and then I waited for them. A very nice man actually stopped to see if I was alright though he couldn’t help me. I thought it was nice that he stopped all the same – chivalry/good behaviour is not dead! The first RAC man determined that my alternator had died and helped me to get the car off the freeway and to Cockburn Gateway and to call the tow truck. I’d waited about 45 minutes for the first RAC man and then he told me the tow would be about an hour, that I should head off to get a coffee and come back. I raced off to Big W (yay for being open before 9!) and got a phone charger (and then a hot chocolate on the way through) and raced back to my car. At which point I really was cursing myself for wearing my highest heels that day and for not packing a paper book for the first time in weeks. And when I got back to my car and charged my phone off my laptop, I discovered I’d already been texted for the tow. Not at hour/90 minute wait after all.

Much of the rest of the day was spent much less dramatically – the tow truck took me to the mechanic where I left my car. I got picked up and taken to my parents. Then I waited for the car to be repaired, did some work on the laptop, ran errands and had coffee (hot chocolate for me) with my dad. And in this running errands bit I discovered that my print run of Bad Power had arrived yesterday! Had I not had to come north to get my car fixed, I wouldn’t have been near my post office til maybe Saturday or early next week! So that was a big bonus!

I raced home through peak hour to make it in time for the Galactic Suburbia recording! And then I did the Bad Power mail out!

In fact, a rather mellow day, when all is said and done. Tomorrow I go back to work for some unpleasant things to face – why do people leave things to the very last gasps of the working year and then expect you to work miracles? Canna be done, Cap’n. And we have our end of year thing tomorrow afternoon. And then … 8 days left of work and perhaps a wee bit of a change for me in the coming year.



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December 6   I’m dreaming of Xmas

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Plans plans plans. My head is swimming with plans of what I want to do in the future and it’s very difficult to stay enthusiastic about the grind of the present – you know that whole winding things up for the end of year thing.

I’ve suddenly got an exciting holiday to plan and granted it’s a long way away from now but still. Planning! Things to do! Things I want to see! Must make a “indicative” suggestion list. Wouldn’t want to be too scheduled but but but! SO EXCITED. Ahem.

Some time ago Deb had me promise to consider taking the month of December or January off TPP. To just … break. And relax. I think today I realised that’s probably not going to happen. I’m a bit sad about that but am also really revved up on the projects I’m currently working on and want to give as much time as I can to them. I want them to be the best I can make them. And I ended up behind in 2011 which I understand but can’t quite forgive myself for. Yes, yes, I can hear C’s refrain in the background.

Anyway, it is what it is. And I don’t do well idle anyway.

I keep forgetting I only have Xmas and New Years off – maybe 10 days, maybe a little more, I haven’t counted yet. But I have this huge list of things I somehow genuinely think is reasonable to get done in that time. Like I want to catch up on a bunch of TV shows. And I want to get stuck into finishing a few of my quilting projects. These two are compatible but um in 10 days? I can probably *work* on one project and undoubtedly will *start* several new ones. Thereby not completely goal A and setting myself to have even more UFOs (unfinished objects) for next Xmas. I also want to clean out and tidy the two spare rooms – one of which is currently the TPP storeroom and craft dumping ground. The other has two cupboards of craft supplies that I want to organise and audit. I also have a bunch of novels I want to finish. Last Short Story to get on top of. Oh and the rest. Like, all the TPP tasks I haven’t gotten to this year and the new projects/ideas I want to initiate or implement.

Rationalising is needed. I know.

And then I’m starting to think about 2012. It’s a new year. I’ll be getting married. I’m thinking of the cons I might attend and the ones I won’t. There’s change afoot in my day job and at this stage I don’t know which way that’s going to play out. And I feel like I need to set some rules for my hobbies. Yeah yeah I know how that sounds. But maybe something like, I can only buy a new book for every 2 that I finish reading. OR something. And I signed up for Cookie A’s sock club. It’s been a few years since I joined a sock club and that’s because I was using it as an elite sock yarn collecting exercise. This one though is a lot of fun – it’s the choice of 2 sock patterns with a skein of yarn every other month and two cookie recipes to bake to go along with it. It’s the cookie recipes that sealed the deal for me. And on umming and ahhing about it, C said to me – well I guess I’ll be baking the cookies. Damn  I love that man. And the thing I’m coming to finally realise is –  I can be superwoman and do it all but only because he does some of the things for/with me. Which the more I think about it, the more I realise this  is what is called a partnership or a team.



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December 5   I keep meaning to update

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Really, I do keep meaning to update but time is just getting away from me. Seriously, where the hell did November go? I’m not even sure that we actually did all 30 days of it? C and I keep looking at each other and wondering where the month went but also noting that we did a heck of a lot of things this year too. I’m planning on making a wrap up end of year list to remind myself because I know it’s going to be ridiculous.

I’m still doing my 6am starts with being at work by 7.30am. And that means I’m going to bed 10ish which feels like I have very little time in the evenings, or outside work. It must be about the same though, surely? Though, I am also using these hours so probably I have less hanging about in my out of work hours. Today we opened up the Dance Central 2 game that C bought me cause I said I would dance if I had it. And we had a good hour of that. I kinda think that dancing is a far more fun way to get fit than booooring going to the gym agaaaain. Plus I’ve been watching So You Think You Can Dance on Friday nights on 11 and missing that part of my life a bit. And then I had a terrible dream last night, a nightmare if you will, that I went to audition for SYTYCD and the only judge on the panel was Robert Shearman and my body just … well … it got old and it couldn’t do any of the things it used to. Well that put a light under my bushel (is that the saying?).

Other than that, we’ve been recording podcasts - Galactic Suburbia the week before last and then again this week. And I’m enjoying actually finishing novels. I have a new one for this week’s episode and am determined to finish Yarn by it too. So that we can get on with the spoilerific podcast for that. But somehow, I’m working my way through my very pared down to read queue by my bed and actually books are making it to the real bookshelves at the other end of the house. I can read! Phew!! Though I keep thinking of all the things I want to get done in my holidays and forgetting that I am not 9 anymore and it’s only 10 days and not 10 weeks. Bummer.

We also recorded a new episode of Live and Sassy. You know what December is like – I really don’t know why we a) all leave everything to the last 4 weeks of the year and b) have this imaginary line in time where simply MUST catch up with everyone we know before the end of the year, as though terrible things will happen if we leave some of them til the week after just cause it’s the first week of the next year. Anyway, so our calendars didn’t coordinate so well and we skyped this episode. We’ll be back to doing it live in a cafe and annoying our listeners with background noise early in the new year.

And books! And projects! I’m really pushing to get a few projects to the printer’s by Xmas so that I can work in a I’m in the Future kind of publishing world in 2012. We’ll see how that goes. I’m expecting Bad Power to arrive any day now. And we have Showtime in layout proofing. And Through Splintered Walls is shaping up nicely. I’m also working on a novella project which we’ll announce soon. And another possible sekret project. And of course, I’m clearing the decks for the novel submission month of January.

And planning a wedding. I only just realised today that I get to plan a holiday as well since we know where we are off to on our honeymoon. EXCITING!!! Yesterday we all trouped back to the wedding venue and did very important things like sign the contract and pay the deposit. Tis booked. And they said “see you in 8 – 10 weeks before the wedding” – OMG! And I got a showbag which was rather exciting. Or you know … useful. The venue owner finally managed to convey to my mother what I had failed to do so -the awesomeness of bonbonierre. It’s not a thing in our culture so it’s a completely foreign convept to us, I guess. However, we now have some awesome ideas to play with for that.

So, you know. Busy.



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November 26   Neglectful Blogger

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Wow, has it really been almost a week between blog posts? I’ve been wanting to blog all week but the funniest thing has been going on – I’ve been falling asleep before getting round to it. By 10/10.30 pm. Like I said, the funniest thing.

So maybe just the highlights:

  • I have now been caffeine free (apart from chocolate) for about a month. And oddly, loving it. It’s far enough away now to remember that I love coffee but to not quite remember just what that means. I feel great. I sleep a good 8 hours, except when I’m eating into that by reading a chapter or two before sleeping, and I feel refreshed in the morning. That thing people talk about? Rest. Refreshed. Raring to go? That’s me now! I actually get up at 6am and whilst not bouncing out of bed like C, I don’t really have to drag myself. And I’m three weeks now having started work at 7.30am. It’s pretty good.
  • I seem to have less time. And that might be an illusion but it feels like I need to triage my day when I get home. I have enough time to do housework or TPP before dinner but I still have energy to be able to throw at it at that hour. And then after dinner I have maybe an hour to watch TV and sew and/or an hour or so to read, catch up on the internet and so on. And then it’s bed. I’m sleeping more, so I have less time. But I feel better and I’m hoping that means I will work more efficiently (and get sick/burnout less).
  • I’m actually reading. For fun. One day a week at work I manage to read during lunch. And I’m reading for about an hour before bed – a lot of that is internet catching up but I am reading. I finished one book and I’m about a third of the way through another. And it feels good. I’m actually reading! And getting through a to read pile (my bedside table one) and putting books away and relaxing before sleeping.
  • I’m watching less TV. And I’m not missing it. I almost watch no free to air now. And then I watch a season or something of whatever I’m watching on the weekend.
  • I think I might be finding some kind of zen balance here.
  • Yet I’m still waiting for a phonecall. Maybe it will come next week. Waiting is such torture.
  • This year has been one helluva crazy ride. One of the things I’ve been deconstructing is the idea of what I actually like/want versus what I think I should like/want/be. It’s very irritating to realise how much I hold onto as ideas of who I think I should be but actually am totally not. I think what kickstarted the thought process was one night when I was screwing my face up whilst eating some dip that I thought was disgusting. C said to me “You don’t like it.” And I replied, “But I really want to like it” and continued to try it and he sorta yelled “But you don’t LIKE IT!” (in the way that he doesn’t actually yell.) Anyway so after that I’ve started looking at things and asking myself if I like it/want it/enjoy it or is it just something that I think is part of some me that I would like to be. Rather than am. I guess in a way it’s a process of accepting myself as I am and giving away an idea that I can change/mould myself to be something else. Cause… what’s wrong with the me I am, anyway?  Like, in all the bridal magazines, the Maldives seem like where you should go for your honeymoon. I’m like looking at the picture, all that blue blue ocean, all those restful huts overlooking stunning vistas. And I’m like, that looks so dreamy and relaxing. And then I read the article to see what the people in the pictures had done on their honeymoon and I’m like, “I would *hate* that”. We’re gonna do something else. I still kinda want to be the person who would enjoy that and one day I want to see that. But you know, that’s not really me. And that’s ok. Cause then when C suggested where he thought we should go it was like a hell yes destination.


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November 14   Moment of panic

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You know, I really do love this early morning start thing. For a bunch of extra reasons that I didn’t mention in yesterday’s post – I can take my full lunch half hour now instead of needing it to make up time. I don’t get the mid afternoon slump. I get a chance to do a few things in the morning before my phone starts ringing etc. (Half my team starts at 7.30 so it’s not silent but it is peaceful). I can order my lunch early and have best pick of the muffins. And I really do feel better, within myself. I’m sleeping more. I’m eating less junk food at night. And I’m making the small random changes I want to make, because I feel like I can. Like … finally taking my mug down to the canteen instead of getting a takeaway cup. The kind of stuff you worry about later when you have less “concerns”.

But.

And there is always a but.

My answer when people ask me how I juggle so much stuff? Yeah, it used to be “I sleep less.” And now I am sleeping up to two hours more a day. I kinda needed that time to get stuff done. I’m really starting to feel it – the less time in the evening after work to do both sewing and also editing etc. It’s a struggle. Yes, I had an hour massage (crick in the neck came back whilst travelling) today and I am probably blowing it out of proportion. But still. I will say that sticking to this routine over the weekend meant we’d accomplishing A LOT by lunchtime each day. And it might be that I just need to be stricter about TPP working hours on the weekend from now on. Something tells me that feeling better physically *should* eventually translate to better quality, more efficient work. Right? Right?

ETA: I remembered too that I am now reading for an hour before bed. I used to work right up until falling asleep, whilst watching TV. Now I am getting much wanted reading done – yay – at the expense of work – not yay and much less television watching – both yay and not yay.



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November 13   Change of routine

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I promised Deb that I would think about taking all of December off from Twelfth Planet Press.  I still have a lot to get done before January and that idea is looking less likely. But, I am intending to have off the leave days I take from work as complete days off and am already planning the TV I’m gonna watch and the crafting I’m gonna finish whilst watching it. But I miss crafting – I’ve barely had time for it the last two months or so. So I’m going to try and post a pic every day of something that I’ve done that day – it might not be anything special, it might be cutting out pieces to be sewn another day but every journey begins with the first step, right?

Today’s photo is the first block for some Xmas presents. I’m feeling very in the kitschy Xmas mood this year. And this material is just perfect. I just cut out a bunch more and the material (assorted trees and reindeer and baubles) makes me smile.

In other news, I can report I managed a 7.30am start at work every day this week. I loved it so much I made C set the alarm over the weekend to make sure that I didn’t fall out of the routine. I’m so terrified this is all just jetlag and that I’ll flip back to my old ways. Thing is, I’ve been doing a few other things that are uncharacteristic for me too, which has people around me feeling discombobulated.

I’ve given up coffee. And don’t even miss it. Ok maybe I miss it a bit but I’ve also been falling asleep between 9pm and 10pm and am wondering if that’s as a result of giving up the caffeine. Plus my guts are still not up to coffee again. A friend at work freaked out when I made a herbal tea in the afternoon. She was like, “I’ve never seen you drink tea before!” – we’ve worked together for about 4 years now. And I actually *do* like tea. I just, I fall into routines and I don’t come out of them, I guess.

I feel better. Like a lot better. I like the getting a jump start on the day. I like getting to go home by 3.30 – no mid afternoon slump. I feel like I’m sleeping better and I’m getting 8 hours a night now. I’m eating better. And I feel more cheerful. I think I worked better at my day job last week than I have in a while (though have also had a bit of a break, with the US trip). I like the new routine. And trust me, I never ever thought I would say that. I’ve not been a morning person for at least the last twenty years.

Here’s to it sticking!

 



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It turns out that going to World Fantasy Con marks important milestones in my life. THIS time, I’m heading off engaged!

Last night C asked me to marry him and I said yes.

And it’s a very surreal and odd experience – the aftermath, that is. Everyone wants to know if you’ve set a date yet (we haven’t) and where you’re getting married (OMG haven’t even thought about it yet!) and the details of how he proposed. And that one’s funny. We don’t have a story (my sister says we need to manufacture one) and what actually happened actually feels really personal and intimate. Which in itself is weird – what? You mean I don’t want to talk about something that happened in my life in minute detail ? – yeah, weird.

I’ve spent the last five years deprogramming myself from the Hollywood bullshit and it turns out, that life is not a movie. There are no script writers, make up artists, costumers, producers or stage runners. There is no perfect time, no perfect sentence and no perfectly constructed set up for the important moments in life. Or rather, it turns out, that when you find the perfect person, it’s always the perfect time, the perfect sentence and the perfectly constructed setting.

I haven’t been this happy in my life for a very very long time. Every week I notice myself reclaiming aspects of myself that I long put away in deep freeze. I feel like in my life it’s spring again and the sun feels warm on my face.  C and I just fit together, like two pieces of a whole. We understand each other and we are a team. And life is good and full of laughter and geeky jokes. And love and support. I feel loved by him every single day, whether he is home or away at work. And I feel heard, and appreciated and supported. I feel valued and important. And I also love him very much. He makes me laugh. He learned to cook cause I said he had to. He is a good and loyal friend. And now, we are going to be together. For. The. Rest. Of. Our. Lives. :)



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I’m blogging right before I head off to bed with a silly book and a cup of tea because I feel like today was less productive than I hoped it would be.

I went to bed very uncomfortably last night, really not being able to explain why my wrist elbows and shoulders were so sore. I couldn’t work out if I’d eaten something that maybe I shouldn’t (tomatoes, eggplants) or didn’t get enough sleep (I have this thing) or what. As I lay there with a hot pack, it began to rain and I realised … oh yeah! That. New thing this year, I seem to be getting achy joints right before it rains. This is sad because I love stormy weather. Also, I’m only 35. Is it going to be like this from now on? And, I did not give my grandmother anywhere near the sympathy she deserved for her arthritis. I think that’s such a vague describer and I never really understood until I started to have this moving, achy, painful thing this year. She suffered for years with it and it got much worse towards the end of her life.

Anyway, so I woke up still quite sore and that’s extended til now. Even my fingers are starting to ache. And by about 3pm, I had this horrible headache set in. I can’t work out if that’s hayfever (it’s a really bad year) or some kind of cold I am getting or if I am having difficulty staring at the screen at work all day (doing slightly different work to what I used to do). Blah, listen to how complainy I am!

I came home and floomped, basically. I pushed myself to do a few things:

  • edited final story in Bad Power and sent back to Deb
  • updated TPP finance spreadsheets
  • created a second ebook product in the TPP webstore for the Kindle version of Love and Romanpunk (broke my brain on that)
  • created my first shipment on the TNT website whereupon apparently they will come and collect my delivery for me (cept I booked it for Weds which is Jewish New Year so now I have to move it but I printed off all the forms already blah blah)

Not much, as I said. And now I will take my sorry self to bed.



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September 24   Lazy Weekend Hurrah!

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I think today has been my favourite Saturday in a long long time.

Yesterday the puppy had an operation (you know, the one …) and C picked him up from the vet at 5pm. He’d apparently bounced back very quickly from the anaesthetic and been the pet around the vet’s all day, being loved and brushed and fawned over. When I got home, he was Half!Puppy – excited to see me but unable to jump. And also running around to lie down near you. He spent most of the evening feeling very sorry for himself. And for the first time ever, put himself to bed! Today he’s been a little bit more lively but still lolling about and looking quite pathetic. It looks very painful to me, poor thing.

So I got a nice sleep in this morning – as much as one can living with those two. And then after watching a bit more Haven, I popped over to Helen’s place to borrow some books before she heads off on her adventure. I want to get some reading done whilst she’s away for a project that’s on the backburner. Bit annoyed that people borrow books and don’t return them – she kept finding books she thought she had that were missing. Tomorrow, I’m going to look through all the borrowed books I have, and return them! And she’s only gone for four months – I think I borrowed about 20 books, will I really get them read in that time?

On the way home, and might I add that this was the first time that I did not get lost coming home from her place, and sadly the last time I’ll visit in a while :(, I stopped off at the shops. And feeling all inspired and lazy Saturdayish and I dunno, in a really positive mindset, I did a food shop. We’ve been mostly shopping online and having it delivered but hadn’t done an order this week. I was supposed to get like 5 items but felt in the mood for doing a good fresh food shop and planned a few meals to make. Also bought some chilli plants. Feeling a bit more settled in and making my home homely, I think.

I came home and watched yet more Haven, tidied up the clothes and also finally finally found the top of my desk in the study. And then actually used the desktop for work. Sweet joy! Ooh I skyped with Tansy who keeps pitching things at my head. AND Jem said Hello! to me for the first time! That stuff just gets you, doesn’t it? So brilliant!

For dinner I made shitake mushroom risotto from scratch and properly and threw some spinach leaves with a sour cherry balsamic dressing. I do believe it was delicious!

Now I’m watching Doctor Who before heading to bed to finish off Haven and I guess get a leg up on all that reading! I’m looking forward to more of the same, but more Twelfth Planet Press work, tomorrow.

 



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September 15   Another day

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Well I am on my last 18% of my computer memory so I guess that’s my work done for the day. I’m not done, there might have been tears but I’ll suck it up like the princess I am. (Oh no! I won’t get to listen to the Writer and the Critic at work tomorrow ;_; )

So. I didn’t feel overly productive today. I felt at times like I was grappling to hold on and to get anything done. I didn’t sleep very well – C came home just after midnight and we chatted and I got Starbucks presents and chocolate. And then the puppy was a bit hyper etc. So I was tired when I got into work this morning. So tired in fact, that when I reached for our very special, clean skin Five Senses coffee beans that J and I are drinking at work, I somehow took the lid off by just unclipping it from the bottom and spilled close to 1kg of beans all over the floor.

And here’s my OCD report – J is quite particular about things too (she won’t drink milk if it’s been left out for several hours in a meeting, just like I wouldn’t! Kinship) and she said she would drink the coffee from beans from the floor and had in fact done this exact thing before (though not with our beans.) So we all collected all the beans up and I totally ground and made a coffee with them. And drunk it. Yeah. I know.

Still feel bad for being clumsy with the uber expensive beans that we’re sharing!

I did not run today.

What I did do:

  • read a rewrite for Through Splintered Walls
  • sent two shorts for Bad Power to the proofreaders
  • answered a TONNE of emails and am down to 15 in my inbox, not including whats filed in “Action” and “Reply”
  • coordinated some ebook issues
  • did a food shop (in the real shops for a change)
  • watched half an episode of Doctor Who before getting into laptop recharging strife
  • will now have to load up some stuff to my thumbdrive and then go find something else to do

Tomorrow is Friday. Hopefully I will have my leave request for Monday granted for a thing I have to go do. And then it is THE WEEKEND! There will be a recording of episode 2 of Live and Sassy (you can send us feedback by the way to liveandsassy@gmail.com – let us know what you want to hear us talk about!). I will also be getting my hair done and heading off to a very fancy ball (at the Hyatt, not sure I am ready to go back there yet but them’s the breaks) with a very gorgeous man. And then working Sunday.

 

 



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September 14   Hooray for Day 10!

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Many awesome things happened today. Some of which will have to wait for later for me to talk about! But it felt like I was on a real roll. When I woke up, I was chatting to C who told me he was done for the day at his course and I said mournfully that I had hoped he meant he was done with the course and was coming home today (wishful thinking) and then after several minutes of teasing he said, “in all seriousness, I AM coming home tonight” FOR REALZ! So I’m up waiting for my sweetie to come home tonight. Sigh. It’s been too long (don’t ask me how I’ll go with the next tour. I don’t want to think about it right now).

So I decided it was gonna be a GREAT day and I would hear some NEWS. And I did hear said news. I hope I have more on that later.

Then I had to go to the dentist. I was hoping for no fillings and I got no fillings, today. But I have four more to get. And he says I have to give up chocolate. For good. I’m not sure how that will go. I’m going to try something. Because there really is only so much pain you can have in your mouth for long periods of time.

I did get one short story proofed and back to the author today. I should probably do something more productive than what I am going to do for the next couple of hours waiting for C (Watch TV and knit).

We did also just record this fortnight’s episode of Galactic Suburbia tonight and I think I started to get somewhere on a) expressing my feelings about Doctor Who (defining and then expressing) and b) why I am still fricking watching it then. It’s starting to coalesce and that is starting to make myself feel better. I think the answer is, given our discussion on the show, I can’t not watch it, now. In any case, I think I feel better about it. And that’s a good thing. We thought we hardly had enough in he show notes for a show this fortnight, but no, no need to panic, we did just fine!

But … does anyone in Doctor Who fandom know if/where there are discussions or criticisms with a Jewish slant on Doctor Who? I’d greatly appreciate being pointed in the direction.



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September 13   Day 9

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Bleurgh. What a day. I hadn’t been asleep two hours last night when the poor puppy was ill, for about an hour and a half. And when I say ill, I mean, his spirits were not at all dampened and he snacked and finally, when he was working on a chew at 3.30 am, I decided he was ok. I think I overly enthusiastically made up for the underfeeding in too dramatic a move. Poor pups, he must have felt awful. Though he seems so unperturbed. I got up at about 7.30 and kept an eye on him til 9 but he seemed totally fine so I went to work.

Work was crazy. I was preparing for an afternoon meeting when an emergency landed in my lap requiring an hour turnaround. I met it and was pleased to have done it for a different branch manager. He was very nice and gave me lots of praise, which suddenly made the general dearth of the rest of the time so stark in contrast. Then I headed off to an afternoon meeting in the city with someone from another area whom I liaise with And … other expertlike people also attended and damn it was fascinating. I learned many many interesting things, touched base with counterparts etc and generally missed the old role I used to have. There’s a theme.

I was feeling somewhat tired and was telling C that I felt bad taking another night off and not getting house things done. When he reminded me that I promised not to set too high goals and then feel disappointed when I don’t meet them, I felt reenergised and got a few things done (how does he do that?). The dishes which seemed too hard last night were a breeze. I made myself another haloumi burger for dinner. I unpacked all my shopping from the weekend and finally hung it up. I started working on the sorting and rearranging of my books which got to a point of being able to put almost all the piles that were on the floor into a bookcase somewhere, somehow. Though this revealed two more piles of National Geographics … nooooooooo! And I did some more of the cookbooks.

Felt like more, really. But it wasn’t. And I think I earned an early bedtime what with all that being up last night business.

I watched a couple of episodes of Doctor Who, including Blink, which is the first episode so far I have actually enjoyed watching.



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September 11   Day 7

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I am not into the countdown. As soon as Friday was here, I could say, “Last Friday night before C will be home.” And now I just have to make it though the working week … sigh … the whole working week.

Still, I know I have been working hard on the house and yet it feels like I’ve barely gotten started. Today I was supposed to “work really hard” but then I wouldn’t have had a rest day, really, and back to work tomorrow. So I kinda mooched. What did I achieve:

  • currently waiting for my soup to cool and then I will portion it out for lunches for work
  • many loads of laundry. I don’t know how many but I am not up to date and I did woollens and the two winter blankets
  • dishes remain up to date
  • all the F&SF mags have been unpacked, sorted and found a lovely home on a shelf
  • the National Geographics have likewise been culled for doubles (how did I still have doubles I thought I culled?), sorted and given a home
  • I have begun to sort all the cook books. And they have a shelf
  • the DVD box sets for TV shows look gorg all alphabetised and in their new DVD tower home
  • the kitchen table has been mostly recleared
  • cleared the back deck and rearranged things a bit. I think it gives more light into the house.
  • Figured out how to solve the wardrobe crisis. Tomorrow I will rearrange it to prove that my way has more room
  • cleaned out some of the fridge
  • answered lots of emails, still lots to answer
  • packaged up more TPP orders
  • watched half? of Season 3 of Doctor Who

I’m hoping there will be an aha or cascading moment on the house. A lot of what I am do is regigging things to create more room. And so lots of small projects or spaces are currently under construction. I’m hoping it will end up with “move this here, pick this up there, shift that over and … bing, bang boom … wow!” I’ll let you know if that happens :)



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Day 5 was not that successful, relatively speaking. I had trouble concentrating at work and was trying to watch the eyestrain thing. Got home and made corn soup (YUM!) and baked me some more apples. (YUMMO! I cannot believe I never liked cinnamon and apples before. So weird.) I ended up eating it all whilst talking on the phone to my sister. And I also did a very minimum amount of book moving and rearranging in so far as the books were part of my National Geographic collection. And um, then I went to bed and watched an episode and a half of Doctor Who.

Today was a day of errands. Really. I woke up a bit later than I was supposed to, bustled the poor puppy away and then headed up to my mum’s who had kindly agreed to embark on Clothes Shopping Expedition with me. And not just “clothes” but formal dress wear. My mum is unbelievably patient and I am a pain in the arse when purpose clothes shopping. I don’t love clothes shopping at the best of times but I HATE it when I HAVE to get something for a particular event by a particular deadline. I get more and more frustrated at all the clothes that don’t fit me and the lack of success, self hatred sets in and sometimes there are tears (and tantrums). My mother deals with this by getting more and more steadfast and determined that we WILL find something.

Here’s the thing. I realised that I’ve been declining invites and not wanting to attend events simply because I can’t face the “I have nothing to wear” thing. Or the only thing I have appropriate is looking old and ragged or not quite fitting anymore. C has a lot more formal (work) events than I’m used to attending and I’ve been cringing and hating myself through those events because I’ve just not had something to wear that has made me feel good or even more than than, the things I’ve been wearing have actively made me hate myself. That’s not a way to live. These things should be the fun things in life and not the things that you dread coming up or that add to self loathing (and all the negative compounding that does in your headspace).

And I’m doing this thing, I think I mentioned it, self correcting or repairing the damage my depression has done to me. And it’s a big job, spanning all kinds of things both physical in my surrounds, social, physical to my body, my habits and a bunch of mindsets. One of the things I am trying to correct is the not being nice to myself. So … if I hate going out cause I don’t have anything to wear, that’s sort of something I can fix. I could get myself things that I think I look nice in, that make me feel good about myself and more importantly don’t make me hate myself. And then, I could … ooh, I dunno? Have fun?

There are kinda two reasons I don’t have clothes I like – 1) I have been not spending money unless I’ve *had* to on clothes for several years. When people wonder where the money for small press publishing comes from … well, yeah. That’s where. (Also cut corners on things like the dentist, though that didn’t work out so cost effectively.). 2) I HATE clothes shopping. The experience tends to end up with much long lasting self loathing too, I find.

So as I said, today was the day we embarked on the mission to correct this. And I knew where I was going and that this would not be a hideous experience. Several other times we’ve had to find a dress on a deadline, we’ve ended up at a particular shop at Karrinyup and they’ve always delivered so today I just headed straight for there, walked in the door and said “please help me!” I don’t think the assistant or my mother could believe how obliging I was. I tried on everything they suggested and let the assistant fiddle and fuss. I normally lose patience for such things (cause the self loathing has kicked in). In that store they like you to try things on and most people (me too the first time I went there) don’t like to do that but I’ve found that they have things out the back, and in my size! and once you try a few things on you can figure out what they have that will suit (not this cut, different waist, less bust etc etc). I had decided I would go and get a couple of pieces, I have two events on the horizon but if I had a few items, I wouldn’t need to go into a panic next time a possible invitation comes in. I bought a few things, more than I planned. And went over budget. But I feel good about myself, almost everything I tried on could have been the one dress I bought if I’d been on a deadline. Shopping not on one meant I could buy two pieces that need to be altered and happily collect them in a month’s time. And I got a variety of things for formal or less formal things and bits and pieces to mix and match so I have maybe a basic wardrobe now that I can build around and will last me 5 years or so.

And I never once felt bad about myself in that shop. Service makes all the difference, doesn’t it? They always say to me they will find me something I can wear, they are always so positive and I dunno how but the number of the size of the dress that fits is never a horrifying one. All my pieces are wash and hang. And I’m sorted. And I feel good about myself.

So that was a hideous errand achieved.

I also grabbed another DVD storage unit thing (C has some that are build/add as you g0). And an apple corer! I checked my post office box. It was filled with mail. And I did a quick food shop to take dessert to Tehani’s.

I guess we had a Twelfth Planets meeting tonight? Of sorts. Somehow Tehani got bossy and updated all my software on my electronics. Helen came over and brought alcohol but we worked on introductions for upcoming Twelve Planets and other detaily things like that. The puppy was uncharacteristically well behaved. Also it seems to be the week to pitch awesome, crazy publishing ideas at Alisa and I’ll somehow seriously consider them. Someone invent a money tree for me.

Tomorrow is a major work day at home. I hope to report in much achieved for there is much to do.

 



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September 8   Day 4

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I faired better today than yesterday, I was determined to do so. Actually, I had a bad day at work, suffering eye strain for the second day in a row. That’s really weird for me because I’m used to long hours in front of a computer. A at work told me it’s the GIS software, which I have been using a fair amount this week. She thinks it refreshes a lot and flashes and told me she can only do a couple of hours a day on it. I might try and do none tomorrow, unless I finish the piece of work I am writing and need maps for.

So it felt quite bad – what do you do when you can’t use your eyes in a desk job? I did manage to catch the Outer Alliance Podcast 11 today which is 2 hours long and well worthy of the time. Kirstyn McDermott and Ian Mond from the Writer and the Critic guest on the show and they read Horn and Bleed as Ian’s suggested books. I would have listened anyway because I always love their conversations about books. They both have an awesome rapport with Julia Rios, the host. And the whole episode is absorbing and engaging stuff.

I came home and decided finding 30 was a good thing to do in this instance. I started the Couch to 5k all the way back at the beginning. Excitedly, it wasn’t remotely as foul as it was the first time round. I haven’t been running since a month before Swancon and C has been teasing me that I can’t keep “runner” in my bio if I’m not actually running. I’m glad I am not as unfit now as I was when I first started. Perhaps the “couch” in Couch to 5k doesn’t mean “lying on the couch for the last 8 years”? I realised that I could actually run in the backyard – it’s a pretty decent size, being on a corner block, and a 1 minute run was about a 1.5 lap. I’m not comfortable being out and about exercising in my suburb alone at dusk/dark. It also meant I could exercise the puppy off the leash. And that went how you’d expect. He got bored about 10 mins in and kept getting distracted by weeds n things and then he’d race of to meet me at the next turn. Now I just need him to provide cups of water and I’ve realised my Olympic dream. By the end, he gave up and just lay down and watched me. Still, I appreciated the support.

Just as I finished and came inside, the food delivery truck arrived. They were actually 30 minutes before the window but I was home and it was good to get it all sorted. C ordered me the food yesterday from Sydney. And he must be missing us because Pups got a toy and I got some treats. My crumpets for dinner got exchanged for smoked salmon on a turkish bread roll. I intended to have either one of the Magnums he sent or the second dessert from the pack I bought yesterday but the weirdest thing happened. I wasn’t in the mood for dessert. I KNOW!

Funny thing about this running thing. I’ve had a slight epiphany in that, if my problem (or one of them) is that I comfort eat, then, what if I just found something else that was comforting? I don’t think I’ve ever really looked at it that way before. Mostly I’ve tried to deny that I needed comfort which doesn’t really help. But I’m looking at it more that not exercising is the self- punishment rather than the exercise being the punishment for other things. Which turns the experience on its head and could be why this time I finally got my endorphin rush. The act of exercising became an act of self love. And then dinner became about refuelling and I didn’t really need any other food for the evening, junk or otherwise.

I got my fruit and veggie box. So tomorrow night I shall make me up a good soup. Or maybe I’ll leave it to Sunday night and portion them out for lunches during the week. I also got lots of apples which I shall bake for desserts as per before.

What else? I did a little more of the sorting of games. We’re up to PC games. And then I backfilled some of the space vacated by games with text books which I have scavenged from across the house. This has freed up space in the bookcases in my TV area. And tomorrow night I hope to fill those with some of my books and see if I can actually get to the original point in all of this – housing all my books which are currently on the floor in the study and double packed into the two new bookcases in there.

I also did a load of dishes and a load of laundry. Hopefully this will all set me up in good stead for the weekend. Especially since I have other errands to run.

I finally sucked up my courage and made the TPP announcement today which I have been pussyfooting around with since Swancon.

And I watched an episode of Doctor Who.

Not bad for a day, I guess? More tomorrow.

 



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In letting go of beating myself up about not reading fast enough, not knitting/sewing on one project til it’s finished before picking up something else to do etc I’m beginning to view my life with new eyes and its almost like I’m doing it differently. Even though I’ve changed nothing. I’ve realised that, if you have a lot of interests, or a lot you have to get done, it just takes you longer to do it. If I only get to knit on my shawl once this week, but I also knit on a pair of socks, cut out fabric for a quilt project, read books, watched episodes of a TV show and recorded podcasts. so what if none of those things got finished this week? They are all elements of expressing my creativity, and they will all get done. Eventually. It’s quite freeing to let go of the guilt of time. And one of the things that helped was paying attention to writers – writers write when they can. And sometimes that’s for a daily quota, and sometimes it’s on their day off from work, or the one day in the week their kids aren’t home. Doesn’t change the fact that all of them are writers and will (hopefully) turn in finished work at some point.

 

 



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September 4   Weekendary

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So. I’ve been ignoring tomorrow for as long as I physically could. It’s kind of the beginning of my journey as sea widow. C is off to complete a course over east and I shall be home, in R’ham by myself. An hour away from most of my friends, my family, my favourite haunts and cafes and stuff. But. I lived alone for what was it? 4 years? I’ll be fine. Even if this is the first time we’re gonna be apart for this long since the beginning of the year. And, you know, I’m an independent and very busy woman! I’ll be fine. I said that already.

Anyway, I decided what I would do was set myself a bunch of things I wanted to get done whilst C is away – maybe things that would be time consuming and immersive (and that would be neglectful to spend hours alone doing when C is here) and that would create more mess before resulting in order. I have a bunch of Twelfth Planet Press goals but also a bunch of household organisational tasks. I think if I have some time and space to organise and tidy up from my move in, then there will be places for things by the time C gets home and we can run maintenance from there. Well, that’s the plan.

And the first step in that plan was to fit in a trip to Ikea (amongst a bunch of other errands we had to run today including a tuxedo fitting and wedding present shopping and breakfast at Tiger Tiger, did I mention lately how much I love my guy?) to buy yet more bookshelves and storage. And C scheduled in a Hot Ikea Furniture Assembly Date Night to put it all together for me before he left and for me to fill whilst he is away. Well, I didn’t manage to commit to a TV unit for my main area. Gah! Such a troublesome thing. I want something not imposing but with lots of storage. But we did buy two bookshelf units. After C hunted high and low in the warehouse bit for a black Billy unit which were NOT were their assignation said they should be. And we put them together tonight.

This top one is in this bizarre nook in the bedroom (the crap to the right is C’s crap that used to sit where my bookcase now is). And I’m in trouble because as you can see, I already filled it. Well it’s my to read bookcase! Which yes, is stressful to have in the bedroom but I can’t see it from my bed and it is also filled with books I actually think I want to read. Though I have since discovered another small bookcase of to read queue. And I have also done the panic of – but this is a whole bookcase of books that will need to be shelved once I’ve read them!! C pointed out that I needed to read them first and we all know about that caper.

This black one is the second bookcase and after getting in trouble for filling the first, I have left it empty, as you can see. It’s the fourth Billy bookcase that C has assembled and he has now passed Billy Bookcase Assembly Cert 1. However, the spot I eyed off that I knew it would definitely fit into is C’s gaming room. And once it was there, it became appealing to him for his games. And I think I was confronted with my first moment of “us” v “me” – if I fill this bookcase with his games (currently kinda spread all across the house), I can have all the bookshelf and other spaces they currently take up. And the question is, did I lose shelf space by trading a whole bookcase?? But as C pointed out, it’s our house now and my objective is for the whole house to be tidy not just for my stuff to be tidy. It’s sneaky but I’ll pay it. I think. And in so doing, I shall nab his current stackable shelf things for my DVDs in my TV area (yes, we are those people, and we fit perfectly together because of this) and see how that goes.

So. Once he’s gone tomorrow and I have been and come back from a wedding, I shall compile my (prioritised) task list for the ten days ahead. I’m not allowed to overload it and be disappointed in myself when he comes back. Maybe I’ll have bonus round tasks instead.

 



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August 29   Definition of Insanity

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In all, I had a busy and partly productive weekend. Friday night I was knackered and glad that the week had finally ended. I worked a 50 hour day job week which doesn’t really leave much room for 30 odd hours of Twelfth Planet Press. Though with the long day I pulled today (still tempted to get some ASif! updates done now, at nearly midnight), I think I did pull about 30 hours on TPP too.

Tired. Not the best way to go into the week. And as seems to be usual lately, did not get close to nearly all the housework done. Sigh.

Still Friday night, I had a lovely bath (C ran it cause he could see how cranky I was, no patience left at all and the puppy misbehaving). I read a bit more of Yarn by Jon Armstrong. And then watched some Doctor Who.

Saturday, I was sleeping in when C came and offered me breakfast out – see he knows how to make me do anything! I was up and ready for a proper flat white, you bet. Unfortunately, either the tail end of my Crohn’s flareup or just the long week and not being careful enough with my food, I had a mouth full of ulcers. With Crohn’s it’s not unsual to have 1 or 2 but I have about 5 at once. And one is sitting near the back of my teeth and right where you swallow. It took me ages on Friday night to work out why I was having difficulty eating dinner. So yeah, kinda avoided eating much this weekend – be careful what you wish for (see further down). So I had a lovely coffee and just a croissant. I wasn’t fussed. And then C suggested we head to Rocky City since we were near to see if the A&R had Trent’s new book Business of Death. Quite liked that idea too! And it turns out it’s been ages since I’ve been in the shops and I try to avoid hanging out in them because … well, I went shopping. I bought Gotye’s new CD and after being annoyed at the price of Mad Men S3 in Sanity, I got S3 and S4 and S1 of Breaking Bad for the same price in JB HiFi. (C is off early next month for a course so I shall amuse myself with TV obsession/catch up.) I also splurged at The Body Shop – went to replace my finally all used up Oceanus perfume only to find they stopped making it. The smell reminds me of my 6 month working holiday in Israel so I’m sad I have no more :( A&R had not yet received their copies of The Business of Death so I reserved a copy and will pick it up next week.  That should all keep me busy for a while.

Then we came home and I did the interview with Ben Peek for Galactic Chat. And then hurried off to shower and beautify to go to a work function with C. As usual, I totally missed the mark on what to wear. I’m usually not this bad but Navy throws me – I try to match it to the uniform C wears but that is no help at all. He looked really dressed up, as did all the officers, and the women were way dressed down, lots of pants and casual summer dresses. I wore a maxi dress. Fail. We had a nice time which is actually funny because via a miscommunication, neither of us really wanted to go and was going for the other. We laughed and decided we should have better clues for each other but I’m not sure about that now since C got to catch up with some people he hadn’t seen for a long time and we did kinda enjoy ourselves. We’re house bodies the pair of us and the forcing ourselves out was good, I think. I got to see my first ceremonial sunset which was fun. And I had a lovely think about things which I might write up for another post.

By the time we got home it was late and I think I just watched TV and headed to bed. To wake up by 9am to record a special episode for Galactic Suburbia. Tansy and I had a very lovely and long debrief on The Hunger Games trilogy. That episode will go up soon but don’t listen to it if you don’t want to be spoiled for the books because we talk about a lot of the details. After the recording I basically worked, finally, for the rest of the day. I’ve sorted a bunch of PR stuff – PR is all the little things but they are very time consuming to set up and maintain. They are so easy to put off but if you do, then … you don’t have them. I worked through a few of the PR things on my list. I also worked on emails. And book orders. And sending out some other copies of books. And did I mention I answered a lot of emails? I also had the washing machine going the whole day. I did some dishes and a bit of tidying/unpacking. As usual, my mother was right and instead of working steadily across the house, I concentrated on a few spaces and finished them (top of the dryer in the laundry, unpacking a couple of bags/suitcases and sorting out the TV space I sit in) and seeing a few places start to come to where I want them was a good feeling. So much further to go. Sigh.

And I did some cooking today. And here is the tie in to the title of this post. For a while now, I’ve been ordering a fruit and veggie box as part of our weekly food order. And recently C dropped it down to fortnightly because we weren’t actually getting through the box. The point of the box was to challenge myself to make food to fit in with whatever they sent – to cook seasonally and to also push me to try new things each week. I am a bit of a routine lover. But see, if you don’t actually take up the challenge, well you end up throwing out limp fruit and veg at the end of every week. The week before last I decided to make a soup on the Sunday with whatever of the veggies was leftover and looking a bit sad. And then I ate the soup for lunch every day at work. And it was great – very hearty, very healthy and a good low GI that made me last without snacking.

Cue to this week. On Friday night I was catching up on some blogs and read a few different SF/F writers talking about their own struggles with weight and specifically talking about the issues being related to their depression. And boy did that strike a chord with me. Hello! The three authors I read were all taking a long term and really healthy approach to dealing with this issue and I really liked the way they were looking at it – as nurturing themselves back from the harm they did to themselves when they weren’t in the best mental health. That’s me too. And I’ve given myself a year (from about June) to get on top of a bunch of things and one of them is this exact issue. And it’s all tangled up in headspace and emotional things. You can address the depression and work through it but … well … us self saboteurs, we can find ways around. I got a little bit motivated, I admit (I’d been following one author’s progress for a while already). And I’d also been talking with my boss whilst away this week and he made something else click for me too – that running isn’t a good way to lose weight but you notice every extra gram when you run. The idea of losing weight to enjoy running more appeals more than other reasons one might have to lose weight. But at the end of the day this is all a product of a much less healthy headspace and the bad habits (of how I treat myself) remain, even if the reasons why do not.

Which brings me to preparing a soup today for my lunches for next week. I grabbed all the veggies in this week’s box that I didn’t think we’d use elsewhere and I made up a veggie soup. I played around with the flavouring. It turns out spices are awesome. If food tastes fantastic, you totally don’t need as much fat and salt to cover it up. This one is kind of a version of sweet and sour or hot and sour, maybe. It’s quite nice. Not at all authentic but importantly, not the same flavours as the previous soup. I threw lentils in to thicken it. And it was so delicious, I had a big bowl for dinner. Definitely good for a very sore mouth. The interesting thing though was how it felt to prepare the food. I’m used to being loved through food. C does most of the cooking and it makes me feel loved by him when he does so. And I spose my mother always shows love through food too. And if you seek comfort in (junk) food … what does that mean? But to stand there and peel and chop fresh healthy veggies to prepare healthy and wholesome lunches for myself for next week? That felt like a very nurturing thing to do for myself. And that feeling felt foreign. Meaning that all the comfort food I normally eat is not so. An interesting thought I want to mull over some more. After I put the soup on, I looked through the fruit to see what we’d eat. We do worse at the fruit than the veg. So I decided to bake the apples (thanks all for your recipes on Twitter) for dessert. A lovely warm, sweet dessert that I made for us. Yet wholesome. Again, really weird feeling. They were good too though I need to work on the liquid a bit more. But in all, the fruit and veg this week won’t go to waste and I took up the challenge and I feel kinda good about it.

 



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After I blogged how I was feeling (was it last week?), I realised that you tend to be ready to talk about things when you feel like the tide is finally turning. And truthfully, I have been starting to feel like I am dragging my sorry arse up out from the pull of the abyss. Basically I got stuck into actioning my management tools – and they are these tools because they work. And they do. Every time.

I feel better about myself when I feel productive. So when I feel like I’m struggling, one of my personal management tools is to look around and find low hanging fruit to get some quick productivity runs on the board. Things that might be included in this is easy housework – putting on a load of laundry, which leads eventually to getting on top of the laundry. Likewise the dishes. Or clearing off some surfaces and tidying up parts of the house. Or my handbag. Or running a bunch of errands that are easy but I’ve been procrastinating on so they feel so very hard. Answering email. Filing. Etc. Basically, my management tools are all about faking it, til I make it. And this one is about making myself feel like I am useful and achieving things.

So two Sundays ago I was thinking about the last time in my life that I felt like my to do lists were organised and productive and actually felt like they were assisting and not hindering me. It was back when I was in postgrad and a friend of mine and I developed the Red Tick List System. It worked on a monthly timeframe for goal setting and you’d sit down and figure out the big picture goals you wanted to have done by the end of the month. You’d pick say 10 big things. Then you broke each of these down into all the tasks and subtasks that you needed to step through to complete the goal. Sometimes the hardest thing about achieving big goals is seeing the way. Like “write an essay on 19th century italian wines” might actually require you to read up on the subject first. And that requires you to find the reading. And then do it. Etc.  So the sitting down and breaking each largeish goal into the steps to get there is sort of a planning exercise in hiding. When you finish you think “oh look! Now I have a plan!” And then, a broken down list of small tasks (google “19th century italian wines”, go past liquor shop and buy samples, visit library etc etc) become much more enticing to pick off one at a time, especially if you like multitasking as much as I do. But the thing about the Red Tick List System was that for each thing you completed, you got a red tick and then when you hit a certain number of ticks, you got a prize. Oddly. I am all about the rewards (others would say differently about me).

So I decided to bring back the Red Tick List System. But work it on a weekly time frame to start with. And with rewards for 70% completion of list and then full completion of list – a good list will mean you get about 70% of it done so I never really expect to hit 100%, but you never know!

Compiling my list was revealing in and of itself. Firstly I discovered why my lists weren’t working – I had too many! I never referred back to any. I never updated. And I just started new ones. So it took me some time to compile all the to do lists I had floating around, that I could tell. And I decided that the most important thing is not the stationery but the constant consulting and updating and so on. So I just threw everything into a small ring notebook. A different page for different lists – I have Things I want to Do now I don’t have Swancon, Moving House, Crafting, Twelfth Planet Press, Galactic Suburbia etc etc. Anything I want to keep track of gets its own page and a small post it marking it in the book. And one page for the Red Tick List System. And at the end of the week, I transfer what is left over from one week’s to the next and rip out the page. And I constantly consult and update pages and then will rewrite and remove older lists. Keeping the whole thing familiar and current.

I tried to keep it to 10 largesish goals and then a few quick runs on the board like errands etc.

But I really struggled with what the rewards would be. Last time I used things like buying yarn or Body Shop products. I tried to have those on here this time but I don’t know if I just don’t want things like that anymore or if it’s more, moving and seeing all the crap I have makes me reluctant just now to acquire more. I really and truly struggled with rewards (like a $15 reward basically). In the end, I went with coffee. An odd thing but … I discovered my favourite coffee The Five Senses, has a website that you can buy from so I don’t need to wait til I’m up in North Perth next time. And I can finally sort out my coffee issue at work (buying coffee every day at $4 a pop and adding caramel shots to it because the coffee is so foul when we have an espresso machine in our office and if I liked the coffee, I would not add sugar to it. Been meaning to stop being lazy about this for a while.) AND if you check out the site, they have a bunch of awesomely looking blends and single orgins that I don’t think you can buy in the store. And OMG! I fell in love with the Ethiopian – Sidamo Reserve (Ok. fine, its because you can only order it on Tuesdays) AND the cleanskins AND the Single Origin of the Month (Tiger Tiger used to feature these and I loved trying them out when I worked in the city).  AND this is an spoiling myself without it being junk food thing that is perishable and thus not recluttering! It’s a Win Win Win Win.

But see, I’m not that nice to myself. I’m in counselling for that. For four years now. And so I had on my list Pack House. As one item. And there we are in my place on the weekend, madly packing the house, C and I. And he turns to me and says, “How many ticks do we get for this?” (I love that man) and I said, “Well, firstly you don’t get any and secondly, one.” Yup. For three days straight of about 18 to 20 hours of physical labour, and lots of emotional torment, I got one lousy tick for the week. Sigh. I came in 5 ticks short of the reward this week (had to get 19, got 14) but decided to cut myself some slack and get the reward anyway. I’ll report in on the coffee when it arrives! SO EXCITED!

 

 



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June 20   Moving Deja Vu

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Friends, did I not say last time I moved that I would never ever ever again just pack up all my crap and relocate it? Did I not promise I would go through everything I packed up last time, and sort and cull it before I moved again?

Well. I failed. I just spent the last weekend, with help, madly packing up an entire house, with no sorting, no downsizing, no decluttering. It was the usual madness of rushing to get everything ready for the movers. I ran out of bin space, I could see many many things I actually didn’t need and could part with but I ran out of time.

Sigh.

And so I promise AGAIN to never ever DO THAT again! And yet? Now, after a half day of loading and unloading a truck, wrestling couches in and out of too small doorways. Well, now I am inside this house so … it kinda doesn’t matter til I move again. Oh no! Well, actually this house is smaller than where I have moved from. It has two adults with multiple collecting hobbies. And almost no storage. So I shall have to be very ruthless in coming days/weeks, in order to get my space back to something that is not stressful to me.

I present the before photo, something you might have seen on Hoarders: Buried Alive:

 

 

 

 



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